A Rock Romantic: The Final Hours

A rock star in his final hours before he leaves us.

Isolation

Mother, I tried, please believe me
I'm doing the best that I can
I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through
I'm ashamed of the person I am

 

The smoke of the cannabis invaded my lungs as I inhaled to me, all that I held dear. People say that money can not make a person happy, I now agree.

  

As I was in a mode of contemplation, the fan in the far corner of the room sat and teased me like a child who desires me to play with him. Voices ran through my mind, the voices of family, friends, the press, they all made my head writhe in agony and depression.

  

It’s hard to think; only weeks before I was creating magic on stage, hundreds of people in complete admiration of my talent, you see people didn’t acknowledge the band, it was me, I was the idol, they were just there to lay the foundations of my success; but even as I stood before my people, my devotion towards them seemed to drain away, sapped from my heart.

 

My loving wife and darling daughter rest at home, unaware of the fate which shall shake them. For a moment, I ponder life. I try to re-consider what I am about to do, but it is useless, for the way I have treated them, I may as well spare them the hatred which would inevitably come my way.

 

Women are terrible creatures, she taunted me, and I gave in. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but things happen for a reason, and the affair was one of the reasons which led to my depression.

 

As I looked down at the desk, I spotted the cigarette packet, it reminded me of her, my first glimpse was after a gig, Woodsy had a party, people gathered in, crowding me, I felt claustrophobic, while in my distress, in the corner of my eye, I spotted her, she was the definition of beauty, dark eyes that any person could get lost in, a smile to kill and she looked so timid, so innocent, in the corner, I forced my way out of the drones, approached her, with a stutter I said, “Want a cig?” She looked up, and shook her head, I felt awkward, but continued, asking questions. She seemed so intelligent, so deep, and so emotional; she asked me if I believed in love, I answered while looking into her eyes, “Yes.” At that moment, the love affair began.

 

While grazing across the desk, I also seen my knife, oh my trusty knife, carried it with me everywhere, a present from my father when I was young, he said it would always protect me, it gleamed in comparison the aphotic room. In a quick moment of desperation, I picked up the knife which lay beside me and slashed viciously; blood trickled down my cheek like a crimson teardrop, I whimpered, got down onto my knees, and for the first time in my life, I prayed. I don’t know what for; many things ran through my mind, mainly Jessica and young Eliza, the band, and my lover Michéle. I guess the knife wasn’t protecting me now.

 

I sat in deep thought, I stood, went over to the CD player in, skipped songs, came to: Joy Division – Isolation, sat back down, smoked, drank. I picked up a pen.

 

 

 

 

 *** 

 

 

To my loved ones,

 

I’m sorry to all my loved ones, for what I have put you through, you do not deserve. Jessica, my darling wife, every minute I spent with you, I cherished, I am sorry for what I put you through, you didn’t deserve it and it was solely my fault, I hope you live a rich and fulfilling life without me. I can remember the first time I met you like it was yesterday, the bar, wow how awkward was that, you spent the night looking at me, you looked beautiful, wearing your silky green dress, your eyes twinkled. Despite the times I would of made you feel unwanted, like when I was in the study, writing, you were my sole inspiration. The birth of Eliza was something special to me, afterwards, you held Eliza in your arms, we shared a kiss and for the first time, I felt complete. Eliza, sorry you couldn’t have had a father who would be there for you, be happy, I love you, I just wish I could have worked this all out, I’m sorry.  

 

Julian

 

 ***  

 

 

 

Now I sit here, the Valium tablets are oh so inviting, I throw a few down the hole. The needle scares me, but it has to be done, I pick it up, pierce my arm and in a moment of pure fear, it’s time, I press the plunger down, and sink in to my chair. Thoughts run into my mind, and then…

 

Darkness.

Author's Note

Enjoy but please leave a comment and help me with my writing.

Reviews

[Lady Lazarus.]

this is amazing......
fantastic job niall absolutely fantastic.

[Madeline Sime]

i really enjoyed reading this.