This is how it feels

Just a short cathartic piece with no real direction.

It happened so fast, like when a superb summers day suddenly darkens and chokes the sun out of the sky. Unexpected is my preferred term as I believe just like with the weather we can miss subtle clues and signs that would of helped us forsee the inevitable change. Whether its a slight drop in temperature or a slight alteration in behaviour these cues go unnoticed until all of a sudden your stuck in a devastating and unexpected storm. The storm rattles you, caught of guard you grasp to familiarity but it is not there. Despite your inability to read the cues this wasn't the same for others. They left. Now you are all alone.

Alone in the storm you battle to see in front of you but your eyes are unfocused. It's as if your sight is impaired without the familiarity around you. You remember the short adjustment that is necessary after you turn the lights out in your room at night so you focus on that thought. It will get better. Without your vision you are left with touch but you struggle to feel anything. Numb and tingly like anaesthetic was applied to your whole body. A thought appears in your mind trying to ease the inevitable panic that is slowly taking over. It will get better. Without your main senses you hold tight in place with the storm battering down on your body. At least you have your mind, your focus and with that you will persist and survive this dark period. An intrusive thought enters your cognition, you push it away and tell your self to refocus. It will get better. The intrusive thoughts pile up and break in your wall of defence and you fall to your knees. Finally for the first time since the storm you let it surround you and you swallow it whole. The strength you've shown is just a facade and the denial leaves your mind. This is happening. The air fills your lungs like thick mud and your skin burns from the inside. You scream, sob and hysterically cry like a child. A thought enters your mind. It won't get better. This is happening. Things don't get better.