Friends

~Fan Fic~ Boston Legal, a look at Alan and Denny's friendship

**Disclaimer: I do not own Boston Legal or the characters, this is strictly for entertainment**

            Alan Shore stood on the back of his own balcony, staring listlessly out over the rather dull view, a half full scotch glass in his hand and an unlit cigar in the other. He was alone. Not even the sounds of the traffic or his rowdy neighbors seemed to be a part of the world he was standing in.

            “…There isn’t even enough room to sit down with a good chair…” Muttering softly under his breath, he turned a slight circle, forcibly reminded of why had never touched this space, why he spent all his down time on Denny’s and with a deflated sigh, moved forward, placing both unused items he had been holding on the ledge.

            The sudden silence to his right made him blink and Alan turned his head, tipping it ever so slightly as he caught sight of the neighbors staring at him in both trepidation and worry. Immediately he remembered the last time he’d ACTUALLY been out here, “Not to worry, I’m not suffering from any night terrors this time…” Offering what he considered a convincing smile he dipped his head to them and went back to staring out over the unimpressive view. It had been awhile since his last bout of night terrors, and he hoped in the back of mind as he turned his gaze downward, that they wouldn’t start again, but as the conversation with Denny earlier that evening floated to the surface of his thoughts, he shuddered, realizing it was a strong possibility he’d have to bunk with the senior partner for awhile again…

            “Well, I’m just saying, you like to pride yourself on being alone, so, why the gloom about it?”

            Alan had paused, his eyes slightly unfocused as he watched the night lights of Boston from the view of Denny Crane’s balcony. Had he been anyone else, Alan simply would have chuckled, given his most charming grin and spun a pretty tail about loving his solitude and the romance of depression that made him irresistible and that it was only in a moment of weakness that it would ever get to him. Instead he took a deep breath, his head lowering so he could stare down into his glass before taking a generous amount of it, then answered, “…There’s nothing more humiliating then being ignored by an ex…Especially when in full view of everyone else…It just reaffirms all your own fears about yourself, about being alone and whispers that nasty fear about how you’ll forever be that way.”

            With a start, Alan pulled himself from the memory, realizing he had stopped breathing and forced air into his heavy lungs. Looking around, he braced his hands on the ledge, his head hung as he let the full force of his melancholy settle around him and finally murmuring the rest of the thought that he had kept to himself, “…The only thing worse is when you look around… and physically feel how alone you are... When, after the sting of being ignored, as you look around at all the pretty, young, happy people surrounding you, you realize, none of them want you...”

            As he spoke, Alan could see himself standing in the middle of Crane, Poole and Schmidt, watching people pass by him, so vibrant and alive, smiling and laughing as they moved all around him, but no matter which way he turned, where he moved, Alan couldn’t seem to touch anyone, it was like he was moving just a fraction of a second slower then the rest of them. Not even moving down the hallway seemed to make a difference and as he came to a hallway of glass doors for the conference rooms, he took a step back, gaping as he caught his reflection in the glass surface. Not only was he slower, but instead of the crisp, dark colors he favored, Alan’s suit was washed out, an ugly gray, even his own skin tone was muted and more pallid then normal.

            But as he indulged himself in his terrifying realization, it was then he saw the most saddening sight. As he walked down the hall of conference rooms and peered in, in each room were his friends, his colleagues. Denise and Brad with their baby, Paul with his granddaughter, playing with her at his desk. Even Sally and Tara had rooms of their own, each happy, and with families and looking positively glowing with the love of motherhood. He even saw Clarence and Claire were happily engaged in snuggling on a couch. Without even having to try, Alan knew each and every one of those doors was locked, and not matter how loud he would try to call, they were never going to hear him…

            “Sooo, I was finishing my last bottle of scotch, and mulling over all the things you were talking about earlier…” The sudden sound of Denny’s voice made Alan jump and he almost knocked over his own glass, looking around a bit wildly, wondering if for a moment he was hearing things. As he turned though, he saw that he wasn’t. There in the doorway of his balcony stood Denny.

            “…Denny…?How did…” Before he could get the rest of the question out, the older man had put a hand up, his lips pursed, a frown on his face and his head dipped down as he slowly made his way out to join his friend.

            “I asked myself, what does Alan Shore, have to hide from me, Denny Crane? Because no matter what you say, I know there was something left unsaid...” As he spoke, Denny waved a hand in the air like he did, as if he were marshaling and directing his thoughts and as he came up beside Alan, he let out a deep sigh, plopping his heavy hands down on the ledge and surveying the view, “God, this is a tiny balcony, no wonder you prefer mine… but that’s not the issue…”

            Alan chuckled softly, finding himself straightening up, his head tipping back as he watched Crane, feeling the same admiration he always felt when in the presence of this man, because no matter what happened, how Denny’s problem may progress, there was no denying the powerful and charismatic aura that simply seemed to flow from him, I hope I age half as well and retain even a smattering of his presence…

            “Being alone, has no baring on your relevance, Alan, Oh sure, it’s nice to feel wanted, to feel appreciated, especially by someone young, wide eyed and pretty… Makes you feel, powerful, alive and like you’re still in your prime. But girlfriends, hell, even WIVES come and go, family will let you down…it’s your best friend, Alan that will always be there. They take you in all our glory and they’re there to scoop up the pieces of what’s left when all the others leave you in a pile…You’re never alone when you have a best friend and you never will be…” Denny nodded with his last statement, his eyes hard and knowing as he stared out over Alan’s view, it was only when he turned to look at his friend did his eyes soften, a smile come to his face as he tilted his head. Denny hated shows of affection, hated admitting how he felt, but he knew it was what Alan needed to hear and after all Alan had done for him, it was the least Denny felt he could do…

            “As always, you surprise me Denny… Here I thought I had been hiding just how much I was bothered….” Alan’s voice was soft, his eyes blinking just a little and he couldn’t bring himself to look at his friend for a moment, afraid that he’d betray too much of his pain and in the moment he took to collect himself, Denny surprised him again.

            “Come on, lets go back to my place, it’s been awhile since we had a sleep over, besides, with the way you’re talking it sounds like a bout of night tremors could be setting in again and you know I refuse to share your tiny bed…” Denny had reached out, wrapping an arm around the other man’s shoulder and gently but firmly had started to direct him back inside, he had even used the wrong word for terror on purpose, Alan needed lightening up…

            “Yes, it has been too long, you still have those chocolates and gram crackers from last time? I did so enjoy melting them over your fireplace… And Denny… how did you get in my building?” Alan tipped his head, a hand on his chest as he asked the question and a puzzled look on his face.

            “I’m Denny Crane! I can get in any where at any time…!”Denny simply snorted at the question, throwing a hand up grandly to accent his words, then after a pause he smirked, a twinkle in his eye as he looked to Alan, “Besides I know your doorman and you gave me a key months ago…You’re not catching my mad cow are you?”

            For a full minute, Alan just stared, his mouth slightly agape before he started to laugh.