How Not to Adult: Early draft-chapters 3-4

Chapters 3-4 of the first draft of the novel I'm writing.

3.

I didn’t think about him again until that Friday night. I was out with Jane and our Crew: Amy, Meg, and Lucy. I hadn’t even mentioned him to Jane. He wasn’t even on my radar until that night. I found myself staring at him from across the busy pub. It was our local, but I couldn’t recall seeing him there before. I mean, he could have been there countless times and I just hadn’t noticed him and his Mr Average persona. Well, I hadn’t realised I was staring until Amy got really close to me, smooshing her face right next to mine and whispered, “Who are we looking at?” I couldn’t even respond; I blushed and stammered something noncommittal. All four of them just stared at me, Jane with that ‘spill it girl’ look on her face with one eyebrow raised. I sighed and told them that he was the guy from the bank the other day. They did that collective “ooooh” that happens, but didn’t have the usual comments about his attractiveness. Lucy managed a ‘he’s cute’, but I could tell she really just felt obliged to say something. I must have been staring him down with laser vision.

Luckily for me, they let the issue drop and our conversation moved on. Until it was time for more drinks when Jane announced that it was my round. As I headed up to the bar, I realised that she had stitched me up good. He turned around as I reached him, a pint in each hand, and looked me straight in the eyes while his did that widening startled recognition thing. But he smiled a genuine smile. “Caroline, right?” he asked.

“I? Eeer…. Yes?” I stammered, “Benjamin?” I asked, as if I hadn’t quite remembered.

“Please, call me Ben. Don’t Sunday name me at the pub.” He quipped, looked down at his shoes, shuffled uncomfortably for a second, and then came out with, “I hope you don’t find this too forward, and I might come off as a fool, but I’ve gotta come out and say it.” I looked at him, a bit perplexed, what could he possibly have to say to me? “I’m really glad I saw you here tonight. I’ve been thinking about you since we met the other day. You intrigued me.”   That was it. The exact moment that those stupid, stereotypical fireworks exploded in my chest. Until that moment, I thought that those feelings were an exaggeration. Well, I can tell you that it does literally feel like firworks exploding in your chest, and I was distracted by that thought for a second. What did I do in response? My jaw gently dropped and I just stood there, mute, trying to reconnect my brain to my tongue to say something. Anything. But there was nothing. All I could focus on was that wonderful, freefall, zipline feeling zinging up my spine. He took my blushing mute blundering as a sign that he hadn’t come across as creepy and pushed on, almost like he had to keep going because if he stopped, he wouldn’t get going again. “Is there any chance that you might possibly want to get a coffee sometime?” He blurted. Goodness he was really cute when he was nervous! Mr Average had just completely shifted in my brain to Mr Nervous McCuteypants.

I don’t know what I was thinking, well, I do know, I was thinking about that stupid  fluttering that was nonstop in my chest and said “I like coffee” Then winced at how juvenile that sounded. In an attempt to sound slightly in control of myself, I blurted, “Give me your phone.”. He looked at his full hands and then over to his mate.

“Its at our table.” He mumbled. “Give me a second, don’t go anywhere.” While he wove his way back to his friend, I placed our order and paid. I didn’t dare look back at the girls; I knew they would all have the same look of giddy excitement on their faces. I looked up just in time to see him returning. He actually handed his phone over to me. I decided I didn’t just want to give him my number. He said coffee, so I opened his calendar and added an event, at 11:00 the next day as ‘Coffee with Caroline’ at my favourite café down the road with a notification 2 hours before. I smiled a beaming smile as I handed his phone back to him, collected our drinks and headed back to the girls.

“If you squeal at me like I’m 15 and just said hi to my crush on the bus, I’ll never speak to any of you again.” I harsh whispered at them as I approached. They all did the ‘play it cool’ sitting back and waited for me to spill; they knew I would.

The rest of the night passed as it usually did with the Crew, but with a heavy focus on Ben and what I wanted. The truth is, I didn’t know. The one thing I did know was that I was drawn to him. He wasn’t gorgeous, so it wasn’t lust; I think I was flattered and curious. I wanted to learn more about this average man who was intrigued by me. Me? What had he seen in a meeting about my finances that had intrigued him? I didn’t really do or say anything spectacular in that meeting, or so I had thought.

I did sneak glances at him a few times during the evening when I thought he wasn’t looking and managed to be subtle. He and his friend were looking through his phone with perplexed expressions. That made me smile. I had to make him work at finding my number.  

He left not long after that, and yes, I did notice, but I couldn’t help it. He looked me full in the face, gave me a smile that promised, I don’t even know what, and left with his friend. I think I smiled back, but it was probably more like a grimace of confusion because my stomach started tying itself in knots and my chest started to feel as if someone was squeezing my lungs. As soon as he was out the door, I exhaled a long breath. I didn’t realise I was holding my breath. So that was what was wrong with my chest, but what about my stomach? I wasn’t willing to admit that this sensation was caused by a man I just met a few days previously and boldly admitted he was intrigued by me (that word, it kept circling my head, unable to actually become reality. Who said that to someone? Was it a line? Or was he actually serious?).

4.

I didn’t need an alarm to make sure I was up and ready for our coffee date. Yes, I am now admitting that I thought of it as a date. I had Merry and Pippin for that. Seriously, what was I thinking when I named them after the two most mischievous characters from The Lord of the Rings? They let me have a lie in until 7:00, but that was even worse. They were bouncing off every surface while I pulled myself out of bed and poured myself into my dressing gown. Luckily, I had a nice sized fenced garden where I could just let them out to pee while I watched from the kitchen window as I waited for the kettle to boil. They weren’t out there long; they knew we would be going for a walk once the coffee woke me up enough to move. It took two cups that morning, plus a round of toast, as I realised I had at least 1 glass of wine too many the night before and was a little wobbly.

I smiled at them as I watched their cavorting. I had adopted them as soon as I got my job and bought my house. I had purposely found a place that had a large back garden where I could safely let them out. Hangover or no, they were what brought me joy. I had a good working relationship with the local shelter from volunteering there in my teens and during my summers while I was still at university and continued to volunteer there until I got settled in my current job. After that, I worked closely with them as a fully trained vet and even volunteered my services for free on a rolling basis with the other vets who worked pro bono for them.

          My last shift with them before I fully started at Marsh was when my boys were born, along with 7 other puppies. That night, I named them all for the Fellowship. I couldn’t help it; Jane and I had done an extended trilogy marathon the previous weekend and it was fresh in my mind. I staked my claim on Merry and Pippin the next day. They knew that I would look after them and they didn’t even have to do a suitability home visit�"I was one of the team who did those visits while I was working for them�"so they knew I was safe. It was the best decision I ever made. I knew I needed dogs in my home life, not just my working life, and the timing was just perfect. By the time they were ready to come home with me, I had settled into my new adult job as a vet and was ready to take on two puppies.

          Well, two years later and they were still a handful. Why couldn’t I have adopted Samiwise and Frodo instead? I feel they would have been much more easy to manage. The nearly vibrated with impatience as I put their harnesses on and attached the leads. They were mischievous, but very well trained. They sat when I told them and followed my every command as we walked down to road to get to the open field where they knew I would let them off their leads. As I was walking, I often talked through things with them. “Well Merry, what have I got myself into with Mr Average?” He just looked up at me and wagged his tail when I said his name. “What say you, Pippin?” I continued, as Pippin perked his ears up at his name, but didn’t acknowledge me further. “Do you think I’m ready for this adventure? Am I jumping the gun in thinking of this date as committing? Of course I am!  I’ve said a handful of words to this guy in a social setting and I’m already…” I trailed off.

 “What am I thinking about him?” It was at that moment that my phone buzzed with a text from Jane.

Jane: Good luck with coffee. You know I expect a full report when you get home. And a text when you leave. I’ll phone you at 11.15 unless you text me not to.

Yes, the creeper call is definitely on. Thank you! I hope I won’t need it. (nervous face emoji)

Jane: You’ll be fine! I didn’t get creeper vibes from him; he’s too average to do creepy. (winky tongue face emoji)

Thanks!

I continued to ruminate as my boys launched themselves around the field, chasing, and fighting for, the ball I flung for them.

          Once I managed to tire the Hobbits out, we headed home and I started getting myself ready. What was I going to wear to meet this Mr Average? (I really had to stop thinking about him like that, but it helped that morning to keep me grounded and not start spinning wild romances in my head.) Well, I decided for jeans and a shirt that I hoped I could keep dog-hair-free before setting off. As I headed out the door, I called “Wish me luck!” to my boys who were both snoring in their beds. I really had run them ragged on their walk.

          It was 10.30 and I only had a 10 minute walk to the café. I liked that about where I lived, I could walk nearly everywhere I needed to get to in less than 15 minutes. I had a car, but really only used it for the weekly shop and taking the Hobbits to the seaside or other trips to give them a change of scenery. I knew I would be early, but wanted to be there and settled, not winded from the walk, before he arrived. It backfired spectacularly. He was sitting comfortably at my favourite spot, (did he know?) and reading something on his phone. He looked up when he heard to door chime and fumbled to put his phone in his pocket and stand. Turns out I wasn’t the only one who was nervous. “Hi.” He said quickly, and then “a nice touch with the 2 hour notification. Did you think I would need it?”

“I thought I would give you a little bit of a safety net. Just in case.” I smiled at him and he ushered me to sit. I unwrapped my layers of coat and scarf, hoping I was appearing graceful and not disheveled. “You passed, by the way. Also, you’re early too,” I noted.

“I do like to be early. You didn’t make it easy on me, though. It took both Joe and I 20 minutes to figure out what you had actually done when you had my phone.” He admitted this honestly and with humour dancing in his eyes. “What can I get you?” he asked indicating the menu.

“Katie knows my usual.” I said coyly as I claimed my seat trying to settle the nerves fluttering round in my head, making it very difficult for me to think, let alone try to convince this man that I was an actual human being capable of intelligent conversation. Well, at that point I would settle for simply human conversation and hope the intelligent part would emerge at some point. He returned very quickly with a steaming hot chocolate with whipped cream and a spoon. “She saw you come in and made it straight away.” He said as he handed the diabetes in a mug to me, my Saturday treat. “I’ll be right back.” He turned back to Katie to accept his drink, a black coffee, no frills, no extras, not even a sugar packet to sweeten it a bit. As he sat, he smiled sheepishly “So…” he started, not sure where to start a conversation.

“You find me intriguing?” I blurted. I Couldn’t help it; I hadn’t stopped thinking about that word since he had said it. Then I realised that I was acting a bit aggressive and blushed. “Sorry, I think I’m nervous. I don’t really date.” I admitted. I didn’t, or hadn’t dated anyone since I finished 6^th form and started uni. I’d had the occasional fling while at unit, but that was really more about sex than making a connection with another person. That is what made me nervous, I wanted to have an actual connection with Mr Average.

“Don’t apologise. I think it’s cute.” I grimaced at the word ‘cute’ and he corrected “endearing? No, that’s not the right word either.” He stammered on, “Well, I like it.”  He finally settled on. “I like that you are direct. You know what you want and you don’t hesitate. Its refreshingly honest.” He admitted and I blushed a “Thank you” into my drink to attempt to hide my embarrassment.

He changed the subject quickly. “Well, since you know what I do for a living, what do you do?” There we go, back to normal getting-to-know-you questions.

“I’m a vet. I work at Marsh Veterinary Surgery; it’ll be 2 years in August.” I smiled at him.

“Do you like it?” He asked, as if I should have elaborated. I rarely did elaborate; it seemed like there was some sort of blockage to me sharing the amazing and wonderful parts of my job.

“Yes,” I quickly amended, “yes, I love it! I get to work with all these animals and help them get better. It’s my dream job. I’ve known that I was going to be a vet from the first time my dog cut his paw and I made a splint for him. My mum came into the living room to find blood all over and me sitting there, calmly strapping the ruler from my school pencil case onto his leg with some gauze from our first aid box.” I reminisced. I had told this story so often that I could probably tell it in my sleep. “When we got Max to the vet, it turned out that he managed to find the shard of ceramic from the plate mum had dropped the previous day and get it lodged into his foot. The vet had laughed at my make-shift splint, but also praised me as well. He didn’t need a splint so much as tweezers to remove the shard, but the vet praised me nonetheless.” I carried on. “That was when I decided that I needed to be a vet.” I shared.

“How old were you?” Ben asked.

“Maybe eight?” I said. “I was a decisive eight-year-old.” I said proudly.

“I can tell” he grinned at me.

“Please tell me you like animals. I couldn’t bare it if you were allergic or a dog-hater.” I blurted  out.

“Nope. Not allergic. I do like animals, but I prefer cats over dogs.” He reassured me. “I have a cat, and she rules my house” he shared with a knowing grin.

“Don’t they all.” I agreed. “What is she called?”

“Galadriel?” He said it almost like it was a question. I knew why. Not many people would get the reference.

“You’re kidding!” I exclaimed. “My dogs are Merry and Pippin!” I had to refrain from shouting this, but he laughed with me in mutual geeky joy. “Is Galadriel well named? My boys definitely are; they are a handful and half.”

“She is.” He agreed. “My Lady of Light is both aloof and holds great power.” He stated.

“I can’t believe I’m jealous of a cat” I hedged, knowing that if he took the bait I would have to definitely stop thinking of him at Mr Average.

Mr Average disappeared when he simply said “Well, I’ve only met you. We will have plenty of time for you to usurp her.” He tentatively took my hand and pulled it up to his forehead as if in reverence. I literally melted. How the Hell did he know? I didn’t even know that that move would be my undoing. But it was. I was, irreversibly and powerfully, his in that moment. It was only a moment, but a dangerous one. I don’t even remember what I did or said for the next few minutes, I was so lost in the potential of ‘us’.

The rest of the date was spent pleasantly talking about our animals, Lord of the Rings, and our other mutual geeky interests. We arranged to meet again for mid-week drinks at my local, no friends this time, just us.

As I walked home, I pulled my phone out to update Jane about the date to find half a dozen missed calls and a barrage of panicked messages. I forgot to message her the all-clear and my phone was on silent when she phoned. Ooooh, I was going to hear it from her. She picked up before it rang though fully. “You had better not be calling for help from the back of a van!” she practically shouted at me.

“Sorry. My phone was on silent and I got so wrapped up that I forgot to text.” I really was sorry. We always had the creeper call protocol, but to be fair, this was my first opportunity to use it since I started my job; I was always the one waiting to bail her out if need be, not the other way around.

“You will be sorry, sweetheart” she did not say it as an endearment, “You will be!” Then she changed her tone completely. “Got wrapped up, huh?” I was in the clear and if not forgiven, my punishment could wait until she had the details. I gushed at her my whole walk home, and in fact went to hers instead of mine, where I continued my walk through of the whole date with him. I was in the clouds and there was absolutely nothing that could pull me down, not even the punishment that Jane would dole out. 

Reviews

[AYVID N]

I was waiting for the next part and it was certainly worth it. At the outset, my compliments on the very natural and easy way of storytelling which pulls the reader in very well and keeps them till last.

What's so special about the two people here is the instant shared connection and the knowledge right from the start that this is special. The way you wrote is convincing and the reader loves it and wants things to go well for the two. I really liked the stream of consciousness thoughts about Mr. Average who is proving to be anything but. He has an appeal that belies his average looks.
I'd love a tiny bit of description or maybe a hint about the appearance of both at some point of the story but that's just a suggestion.

The story of Merry and Pippin was nice to read as were all the other interesting details that made the story great to read. I'll certainly look forward to the next sequence of events.

[New Yorkshire]

I'm really glad you continue to enjoy it! Also, thank you for your specific comment about my narrative style; I usually don't write in first person, but this character demanded it, so I'm not as confident as I would be if I were writing in 3rd person.

When I add more development on my second draft, I'll definitely add some comments about their looks. When I'm reading, I don't always enjoy developed descriptions of a character's looks, and I forget sometimes that other readers want that. :)

[AYVID N]

You're most welcome. :)

[willweb]

Ok, now I am nervous...everything seems to pleasant, too good to be true and you know what they say about that. Can Mr. Average be something other than what he appears? Really nicely done. I am enjoying this.

Though one thing I want you to think about...I have always been told when writing a story that I should show not tell the story. I was never very good at that part but maybe if you are serious, look into it.

[New Yorkshire]

I'm glad it has grabbed you the way I had intended. Yes, the first part of the story everything is going perfectly. Too perfectly. Also, I'm not going to divulge too much, but Ben doesn't really do anything wrong. Catherine's mental health deteriorates and she will eventually break up with him because of that.

I am planning on adding more detail to develop and flesh it out a little bit on my second draft. First draft I'm just getting the story down. I really do appreciate your criticisms; if we don't have things to work on, we will never grow.