Chapter 1 : Four Funny Douchebags

A Christmas night in a call center, where four friends hatch an evil plan to smoke Cannabis. Their first ever!

A beep and the screen lit up on his smartphone. Rahul tried to shake off the faint sleep in his eyes and strained into it. His cab driver for tonight was a smooth rider. No wonder the other occupants of the cab, two girls and a bulky guy of a size of an asteroid, who sat in the front seat were all sleeping. It was close to ten at night. The shift was scheduled to start at 10:30 pm, as usual.

"Hello Folks", he replied to the text in his messenger. Immediately two "Hello" and a "Hi Haramkhoron**" followed. This is was new born messenger group. Apparently Pintu, his colleague from office was the admin of the group. Rest none had any privileges.

Pintu was a well-built guy from Patna, Bihar who worked in the same team in the Call Center as him. And Pintu loved eating and smelling of onions all the time, despise of his ritual of thrice bath a day and excessive use of the deodorant, which he bought in "buy two get one" offer at the local grocery mart.

The tiny text in the bottom of the messenger blinked with "two or more person are typing", then changed into "One person is typing". No message followed. Irritated, Rahul ran his accustomed fingers on the keyboard.

"Are you fuckers gonna type something?" he sent.

An emoji of a face rolling and crying off the corners of its eyes dropped in. Another emoji of a monkey with his hands over his mouth. And again, an emoji of an eggplant followed.

"A brinjal?????"

"Oh sorry, sent accidentally. LOL". It was Shekhar, who was married two years ago and divorced few month before. He did look handsome and young enough to have dying chances of getting re-married, but he was awful in flirting. Extremely awful.

"Who are the f**k were you sending Brinjals to?? You don't even have a wife now?" came a follow-up reply. This was Swami, the last of the group of four thick friends. He was from Chennai and his Hindi was absolutely old school perfect, despise of the fact that no one in the World believed that a guy from Chennai could even spell Hindi .He could even type words like "dhanyabaad**" and "aapka din shubh rahe**" with absolutely zero typos.

 

The four friends worked together in the same team in the Call Center, located at the dead end of the city. They worked as a Technical Support Officers for a huge telecom industry in Europe and as usual were paid professionally wrapped s**t by the end of the month. It was now two years in the same team and they knew everything about each other. Of course except the color of their underwear. No one tell that, do they!

"Why will I send a brinjal to my ex-wife? I'd rather send it to yours. Grrr" replied Shekhar.

Swami replied with a laughing emoji.

 

"Guys stop it NOW!!! Let’s discuss on the exact reason for this new group set-up" fumed Rahul.

"This a*****e Pintu named the Group as "Go Green! Jai Bharat Mata Ki**". Who the hell keeps such a name, man? It's so embarrassing to even open it in my cab." It was Swami.

"Jyada bola toh pichwaade me laat maar ke nikalunga saale**. I'm the admin here" replied Pintu.

"Okay Okay Okay, shut up all. Remember what day it is?" Rahul was slowly losing his patience of being a moderator. Actually he was confused if he was getting angry on the texts or because he was holding a storm of laughter in his throat. The name of the Group was s**t funny.

"It’s Christmas night and its Sunday." - Shekhar

"I know that, you dumb f****r" - Rahul

"Also it’s a full moon. It looks sexy from the highway, my cab is in." - Pintu

Punch emoticon followed.

"This is the night of our life guys. Pintu you got the stuff?" - Rahul

"What stuff bey?" - Pintu

"Litti Chokha**!!. Abey chutiye samaan laya ki nahi**?" - Swami

"You mean 'Ganja**'? Yup I have it guys. (Smile) (Peace Sign). Go green."

"Hah, thank god!!! I thought you were f*****g with us again." - Shekhar

"It’s a quality stuff bro. That broker guy told me it's called- Shilavati" - Pintu

"Does it have b***s as well (Rolling with Laughter) - Swami

"Well smoke it and I’m damn sure you'll grow up some b***s as well in seconds." - Pintu

"Bhai b***s se yaad aaya**, this afternoon I dropped a sexy video in the group. You guys saw that?" - Pintu

"Shut up a******s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Rahul

"Dude, please don't send porn in the messages. My mother almost saw it." - Swami

"Why the hell would you give your phone to your mom, man? No jawaan launda** of this country does that mistake." - Shekhar

"Well this jawaan launda has Skype in his phone which is used to video call my relatives in Chennai. FYI."

"Okay, I'm done guys. Let’s meet at cafeteria once all reaches office. Pintu, put the stuff in socks while passing security check in. Let’s all catch up before we hit the floor."

 

The group gathered around in the far end of the cafeteria, away from the night's thin crowd. It was the night of the Christmas and most of the employees were on holidays, except for the unlucky ones, who were roster-ed as the minimal support. In this case, the bunch gathered considered themselves as a lucky lot.

The plan was carefully cultured, nurtured and designed for months now. None of the four friends had ever smoked weeds, though all of them were occasional smokers. This was their first encounter with the cannabis. Hence, the entire plan was designed almost as extensively as the Project transition cycle. No stones were left un-turned.

"Guys, I'm thrilled and scared at the same time" Pintu bubbled with excitement in his low whispering voice.

"I'm less thrilled and more of shitting in my pants, actually" said Swami. He wasn't wearing his usual white sandalwood little smear on his forehead. Perhaps, he felt it was a bad thing to wear the religious symbol when getting stoned.

"Don't be scared. We have our plan B, just in case." consoled Rahul. He was wearing a biker's jacket. He didn't give a f**k to the fact that he didn't knew driving and wore it while commuting in the office cab.

"I'm little scared as well", smiled Shekhar sheepishly. "Can we run through the entire plan once again please?"

"First, Let me see our baby" said Rahul, staring at Pintu's legs.

"That's my dick and it's my baby, not ours" he retorted.

"Bihari Babu, I'm talking about the packets hidden in your socks."

"Oh I forgot. It has been itching badly, man. The plastic is kinda edgy and sharp."

"Lucky you didn't park it inside your underwear", laughed Swami.

"I bet you would have still smoked it, even if I tied it to my dick, isn't? You little a*****e."

"Okay cut the crap. Show us." Rahul snapped his fingers, as Pintu pulled up his trousers and gave a little sight of the green stuff tightly wrapped in the plastic cover.

"Whoa!!!" was the expression in unison. A couple of girls in far distance wondered why a bunch of guys were wild eyes in disbelief, while staring at the lower parts of another male entity.

"Ok can someone can re-iterate the plan please", it was Shekhar again. Everyone knew his habit of forgetting and messing up their plans.

"Ok listen everybody", said Rahul, huddling everyone closer. "Everyone will have their roles assigned in order. Everyone already knows about it but we will run through it again."

"Hmm" the others whispered.

 

"Okay, so today we have only ten guys in our entire floor and only four of us in our team. Work volume will be bare minimum, being a Christmas night. As usual, we will turn off most of the lights except the emergency ones, as we know no one bothers in night shifts about the low lit floors."

"Dude, you have sneaked at the roster, right? Is Divya from the Greyhound team coming tonight?" Pintu chipped in.

"Who Divya? Wait, what nonsense. Please concentrate. Once you're high, even I would look like damn Divya."

"Okay continue" said Pintu rolling his eyes.

"So, our good friend Shekhar here goes to washroom along with Swami. He'll roll the joint inside while Swami guards the doors. That would be exactly at 12:00 AM. Let’s say it will take fifteen minutes. Once the joint is ready, we will sneak out for break at 12:30 AM exactly."

"Wait who will monitor the call queue?"

"Let's all get into a break mode on our IP phones for fifteen minutes. Hopefully other teams wouldn't notice. In case, if they do, lets come up with an excuse."

"How about we have diarrhea?"

"All four of us? Very clever, man. Seriously?"

"Okay how about, Swami fainted and we all carried him to medic room?"

"That's better. But Swami is a feather weight. Any one of us can easily pick and throw him in the dustbin, sitting miles away. Why all four?" giggled Pintu. Swami returned back with a dirty look.

"Okay let's say Swami fainted at stairs and we all panicked and rushed."

"Why the f**k, I get to faint?" snarled Swami.

"Well you always look like you'll faint." said Shekhar.

"Okay back to plan now" warned Rahul before continuing again. "So we go down at the parking outside the gate. We lit up a joint and a cigarette to make sure the smell mixes up and no one bats an eye. We smoke and pass over, finish the joint and walk back to our floor."

"I got a packet to Tik-Tok mouth freshener. That'll kill the smell."

"Wait wait, what if we are too high to get back into office?"

"Well Shekhar needs to be very careful while mixing the joint. Remember its 70% cigarette tobacco and only 30% weeds, carefully mixed. That's should be safe."

"How about our roles?"

"Okay so Shekhar here is good with directions, in case we are too high to locate out floors. He'll lead us back. Pintu is technically good for nothing, but since he is bulky, he can support anyone who actually trips or falls. We'll need to walk in close distance with each other. Swami was a biology student and his father is a doctor, so if any of use runs into any weird symptoms, we would need Swami's expertise."

 

"Hell yeah", smiled Swami proudly. "I almost thought of smuggling my dad's stethoscope tonight into my bag"

"What? You'll use a stethoscope to check how high we are? I don't trust our medical support, guys."

"Damn, forget it. How about the food? I heard that people gets savage when high"

"You’re savage even when you aren’t high. Anyways, I'll order food from the night delivery services at 12:00 AM sharp. We will collect it while returning back from the smoke."

"Oh nice."

"What if we gets calls after we are high?"

"The one who gets least stoned will need to pick it up. Deal?"

"Well, just for record, I'm high already" laughed Pintu.

 

The group finally entered back to the floor, and relaxed at their seats. Everyone waited for the midnight before plunging into the adventure of the unknown.

Author's Note

Haramkhoron : Good for Nothing ; dhanyabaad :Thank You ;aapka din shubh rahe : Have a nice day ;Jai Bharat Mata Ki :Hail India ; Jyada bola toh pichwaade me laat maar ke nikalunga saale : I'll kick your ass if you speak too much ; Litti Chokha : Central Indian Dish ; Abey chutiye samaan laya ki nahi : Did you get the stuff, fucker ? ; Ganja : Weeds ; Bhai boobs se yaad aaya : Boobs reminded me of something, bro ; jawaan launda : Young adult

Reviews

[Onlyme]

This is very believable and true. I could actually picture these guys. As mates and all the mayhem and mischief, they get up to. Interesting tale and funny.

[Abhishek Izy]

Aww that's sweet to get a review on this one. Its has a heavy local flavor so I wasn't expecting people from outside the country to review it. But you delighted me to say the least. Thank you so much for spending your valuable time on this one.

[Onlyme]

my pleasure. Made me smile.