Chapter 1 : Mr.Roach at An Indian party

Mr. Roach scurried over the spoon at the table leftovers. Honey drops and spicy crunchy bits of snack was one of the most inviting leftovers he ever dreamt of. 

"Nothing, tastes better" he whispered, giving himself to tummy pleasure. Hardly did he notice, the honey bottle, tripped on the side. It expired last year..... Hell no, nothing expires in India.

His House lady sat on the couch watching "kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi", something which she would never have understood, even if she was an Indian. However she was generous enough to mercy a sudden token of laugh when she would find something hilarious in the most melodramatic show of India. 

Mr. Roach slipped through the cracks on the sofa, just besides his lady. He wondered if some really colorful ladies with dazzling gold necklaces and huge bindis on their forehead would ever intrigue him. He decided it didn't, though he had this growing affections for Indian chicks in him. The only problem was that they wear too much. A full blown Saree could put the Egyptian mummies to shame. 

"Hi Adam, Jesus, I thought u would never ring me, honey" whispered his lady on phone. 

Mr Roach had this huge dislike for Adam, his House Lady's fifth boyfriend. Fourth one was better, at least he wouldn't wipe off refrigerator every morning in one gulp without any leftovers. Adam was foodie, a punk and smelled like a rotten egg. Sadly, his House Lady was content with a boyfriend with so un-delighting features.

"India is incredible, hon. You'll miss it. You should have been here, romancing me in front of Taj Mahal, instead of f***king around with your never ending projects".

"Romance, my a*s" muttered Mr. Roach as he climbed over the tv remote. She hadn't even stepped out of her room. Incredible India... What a lie!!

He tried jumping over number seven button on remote wondering if some miracle happens and the screen pops up with Maroon5 playing the latest billboard sensation. He was a huge Adam Levine fan.... He hated the other Adam though. 

"Hope you aren't screwing your Secretary over there" his lady giggled.

"I bet he already has his dick inside her by now", Mr Roach gave a disgusted look. 

It was eight in evening with Indian winter seeking in. The room heater never existed . Mr Roach yawned and glanced over his House Lady. Ahh, finally she was dressing up for somewhere. Maybe a party tonight.

"Ahem...." Mr. Roach turned around. It was Chotu, the bug and the bugger.

"Hell... Don't you sneak at me" Mr. Roach muttered.

"Hello Mr. Roach. Your House Lady looks gorgeous in her red panty. Good Jesus, that's one hell of a sweet cameltoe. I could have lived there if its wasn't dripping all the time", Chotu laughed.

"Shut up and stop watching. She is changing, you voyeuristic bug"

"You were watching her too, dude" 

"I wasn't"

"Without missing out a blink, I say. At least I closed my eyes when she wasn't strutting her t*****s"

"Forget it. Where were u all this evening??"

"On the battlefield, sir"

"What the hell you are talking about? There ain't no battlefield here".

"There wasn't. I was on my guard at my post on sofa when things turned dark and battle-some"

"What s**t are you talking about?"

"Your lady's buttocks, sir. It landed right over me. Grace to my military skills, I survived the darkest hour"

"Ha Ha... Crazy. She sat over you"

"Not so funny. You American eats a lot, don't you? She weighs a freaking ton. My first encounter with an American a*s wasn't too friendly. It smelt like a perfume though. Who the hell sprays perfume up their arse!!"

"Serves you good...haha"

"I must say it was soft though"

"Okay we're done , now shut up. Did you happen to see Mr. Chatta? He invited me to party tonight"

"I don't deal with cockroaches. They are all drug dealers and street cons. Anyways, I guess I'm going for a fat party too"

"Really.... A bug party?"

"An American party. Now let me hurry before your lady gets her tops on"

"What...wait a minute. Are you gonna plunge in her dress"

"Wasn't much of a guess. The whole tribe is already on board".

"Hold on! Don't you dare"

"Watch me". In an instant, Chotu disappeared in the thick mess of velvet gown. Mr. Roach watched in disbelief. There definitely was nothing called private space in India.

It was almost an hour since his House Lady left and Mr. Roach was going drowsy. Everyone went for party stranding him alone. He felt sad and homesick.Except he had no home.

"Hello Mr. Roach" Chatta whistled as he fluttered from somewhere. He did some admirable air borne stunts before crash landing right on floor.

"Watch out mate. Out wings aren't really meant for flying". Mr. Roach hurried over.

"Next time, tell me before I go airborne.... Ouch my head"

"Is it still on. The party?"

"Oh yeah... Pretty much. Just came to pick you over. I hope you remember the rules Mr. Roach"

"Do not flirt with girls. Right?"

"Good memory huh! Lets walk over."

Mr. Roach was awe stuck as they entered the party premises. The spot glittered of tiny L.E.Ds. Music was loud and exhilarating and the crowd was thumping. The party was inside a broken music box which wasn't turned off. The junk still played on.

"Wow...f*****g exceeds my expectations"

"Watch the crowd.... All young teenagers. Welcome to the most happening of the town"

The duo rushed in.

Numerous bootylicious girls swayed on the mix stance of marijuana and gin. The music,never heard of, was heavenly.

"Christ. Its a hippy's paradise. How do you arrange these weed stuffs dude?" Mr. Roach screamed over the loud music, trying to gyrate with the comparatively young crowd.

"We just chewed off some stuffs from your House Lady's bag. She is one hell of a stoner,I must say. Quality stuff, man" Chatta laughed out, pulling a girl out of crowd.

"Babe, how bout a lil tango" he gave a sly smile.

"That's a theft.... But yeah a nice one" smiled Mr. Roach, reaching out for some drinks.

The waitress was hot.

"Hey Babu, never saw you before" she smiled seductively.

"Yeah. I'm from America. First time" stammered Mr. Roach thinking bout the rules. No flirting.

"Oh... So do u like it", she fluttered her wings, giving her chest a thrust... A killer thrust." I mean the party" she smiled again.

"Its awesome...relishing"

"Then relish, before it turns cold..... the party I mean".

"Hey are you with someone here"

"Well right now with you. Not sure how long that stays though."

The rules... The rules, recollected Mr. Roach.

"Hey, listen handsome. I'm at the Barbie's house on shelf. Would like to meet you there. Come soon"

"Of course.... I'll be there." The waitress walked over seductively. Mr. Roach looked over. He could see the Barbie house barely a walk away.

"Oh f**k!!! I'm sorry" said one of a drunkard young cockroach, who almost crashed on Mr. Roach, spilling his drink all over.

"Its alright. Don't worry" Mr. Roach smiled.

The drunk turned back. "Oh my god! You are a white. Never expected one"

"Nice to meet you too. I'm Mr. Roach".

"Where is your Mrs." the drunk staggered.

"Sorry I'm single"

"What? I thought I could dance with a white chick tonight. How can you be single?"

"Unfortunate for you, I'm. Now will you excuse me..."

"Hey mate... Wanna have some weeds. I have some"

"Oh no.... I ain't much into it."

"Come on... Don't be an uncle. Here, chew this one. Don't you want to look cool in front of these hot ladies". He pulled out a handful of marijuana.

The offer was lusty. Mr. Roach accepted it instantly. He had never doped before.

A couple of chews and a gulp and it was all in. The drunk had disappeared back somewhere in the crowd.

"Look here... Someone is on high" laughed Chatta as he bumped on Mr. Roach. He held two girls on his either side.

Mr. Roach was already seeing stars. He strained his sight. He could see CHatta dancing his heart out. His vision was blurring. Out of no where, Tom & Jerry made an appearence... His legs felt soft... His whiskers flying... Angels all around him, teasing and pullling him over.

"Remember... Remember the 1st of Nov" whispered Mr. Roach. He could see Mr. V engaged in a sword fight... And he ripped off the shirt from Catherine Zeta Jones bosom. Wait a minute.... V shouldn't be fighting Zorro's wife, that not the part of his vendetta stuffs. Mr. Roach tried to rewind his vision. Horrified, he landed 'behind enemy line'.

"Thats a tripwire... Don't...." he squealed. And the explosion went off. Mr. Roach found himself crashing through a thick foliage. Injured and adamant, he resurfaced out of the bushes and alas, he was in Jurrassic land. Few raptors were flirting with the female ones....one of them even had his feet manicured. Devastated, Mr. Roach rushed for a Harley Davidson but the ghost rider couldn't stop swinging his burning chain. He was panicking over a lil rat playing with his shoe laces. 

"Christ, its the Ice Age. Manny, save me" Mr. Roach dashed ahead blindly and crashed headlong on the walls.

The Waitress watched the entire phenomena with wide eyes. She hadn't doped before so she apparently had no clue about the happenings in Mr. Roach's tiny brain. All she could do was watch with some iconic 'oh my gawd' expressions.

"Mr. Roach. Are you nuts? Stop running around and dashing on me trees. Its trespassing and you gonna blow yourself to bits."

Mr. Roach gave a cold smile. Manny left with his 'queen latifa' voice over girlfriend and someone just crushed Sid with a glacier. It was the acorn obssessed squirrel. So huh, finally he turns a villain in this franchise.

"Mr. Roach, are you okay. You are freaking me out. Are you drunk?"

"Nah... Na na no my princess, I'm good. Do I look like a green ogre?"

"Green what????"

"Jesus!! Your b***s looks so 3D".

"3D?? Ah... The cup size u mean? Its more like 36D actually"

"Will you kiss me princess? I'm a prince cursed to be a frog. Kiss me and I'll be prince again"

"You ain't a frog duffer... You are a cockroach, a white one"

"A cockroach??? Eww... Thats' not what the fairy tale says"

"Bullshit. You needs a psychologist. Indian climate has ruined the chemicals of your brain"

"India?? I thought the name was 'Incredible India'. Will you romance me in front of Taj Mahal?"

The waitress gave a dismayed look. She had never seen a mentally challenged cockroach before. Mr. Roach was already launching out of consciousness. He could barely keep his eyes open, still complaining bout stingy Ghost Rider. She dragged him inside the doors of her Barbie house and the darkness followed.

Mr. Roach blinked his eyes open. A streak of sunlight blinded his immediate vision. He felt warm and naked. Naked!!! He sprang back to his senses. The waitress slept beside him, completely naked.

"Honey," she moaned in sleep.

"Holy f**k!!" Mr. Roach exclaimed. " Where am I?? Why are we naked?"

"Oh well, next time, we'll do it with dress on. I didn't knew you are so shy"

" What!!! Did we do it!!!! Oh my God"

" You were animal, baby. See these bites" waitress smiled.

"Unbelievable"

"But I guess age is giving up on you. You should start using some of those pills"

"Stop it please, I've no idea how everything happened". Chatta's warning rang in his mind. DON'T FLIRT WITH HIS GIRLS!!! He didn't, he just slept with one.

Jumping off his bed, hiding his assets with his tiny hands, he peeped through the window

A huge notice hung in a nearby shelf.

WANTED: A white American named "Mr. Roach. Dead or Alive.

Mr. Roach froze in fright.

Author's Note

This is a very old unedited write so please don't look for grammatical and design flaws. Just for Fun, I'd say

Reviews

[¿]

Heheheh.......it happened!😂....I have added another myth in my list and that is...how'd they do it with dress on?
Gosh am being too much! Apologies....
This one's really really funny, humorous, uplifting, great!!....
Cartload of thanks for making me laugh....was in need of it.... be blessed :)

[Abhishek Izy]

LOL, while writing I was rather worried on how they do it, even in the first place. Luckily I didn't dive into the details.

You're not being too much and I am absolutely loving what you have to say about the writes. Makes me happy when it brings smiles to anymore.

I'll do my best to make sure those laugh doesn't leave you anytime sooner.

Thank you sooooo much Tahsin!!

[¿]

You're welcome and do keep Chotu till the end of this book!😅

[Abhishek Izy]

LOL I definitely will!!