A Man With a Thing About Bees

not just another day at the office ..

A Man With a Thing About Bees

 

I knew once a man,

albeit briefly.

Who amongst other

things had a

real thing about bees.

Particularly,

those that lived in his

neighbourhood.

At first, I thought cool,

how bloomin

good that was.

But he said no, it was 

not, they were

all just out to get him

and planning on

killing us both, any day

now, actually.

Then would you mind

if I ask, why you

should think like that ..

I probed,

in a tactful and most

professional way.

Because,

they all damn well do

and are so

bloomin determined

and planning to

kill us right now in fact.

And they are

in addition, far too loud

he retorted.

Oh’ and I hate every

darn one of em

he yelled in what then

seemed to me,

like a somewhat frantic

supercilious

and markedly paranoid

way ..

That’s as maybe, I said

as non

judgementally, as was

then possible.

But without them, I fear

the entire

world would be in a right

proper pickle,

now wouldn’t it just ..

Indeed, we

would all, most probably

die, after the

plants and the herbivores

that is ..

In fact, we might as well

just cut

our throats here and now.

After which,

he thought for a bit, then

said, he don’t

give a s**t and emphasised

we’ve all got to

go, sooner or later someday, 

or another.

So can you help me, or not

doc, he asked.

I said maybe, quite possibly

yes perhaps.

But tell me first, have you

ever been stung.

Yes I have, but why ask he

enquired with a frown.

It’s simple, my fees

are quite simply extortionate.

Then as he did

gasp at the thought of parting

with money.

A bee came along, with a bum

full of honey

and promptly, placed a sting

at the back of

his throat .. on the dangly bit

in the middle,

us medics, all call the uvula.

So he died,

there and then, on the couch

to my own

shock and amazement.

Oh my dear,

that was so terribly sad and

unfortunate, wasn’t it.

So what did you do, may I ask.

Well I promptly

called the next one in fast,

now didn’t I

and whom, I might add just

by chance, had a very

similar affliction .. Indeed,

a thing about

zombies no less, but that was

another story entirely.

 

 

 

  

Author's Note

not a typical day perhaps .. but maybe

Reviews

[FGFRANKLIN]

What an interesting tale you weave with this. It sounds as if the first fellow might have had a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't despise bees...except those damn carpenter bees that want to dive bomb me every time I go outside. I shot one of them dead in midair with a BB gun. I usually just smack at them with my hat but I was taking a little target practice outside and I never dreamed I'd hit him. It was a most satisfying sniper shot. ;)

[Neville]

I hope you felt a whole lot kama after that sir and hope beeyond hope it don't end up coming after ya .. oh' and thank you for taking part in this little exercise .. Neville

[FGFRANKLIN]

If it hadn't been coming after me in the first place...that's what those little blighters do. I wouldn't have shot at him. The wasps, honeybees and murder hornets, they're all copacetic so long as you mind your own. Those dive bomber carpenter bees will fly right into you without provocation.

[Neville]

can you not move sir .. I dont mean dodge them, I mean outa state or something .. maybe emigrate 🐝🐝🐝

[FGFRANKLIN]

Laughing. No but I can kill an irritating bug. One flew into my daughter yesterday. It scared her to death. She thought she was stung. But they don't sting. They look like bumblebees which DO sting but bumblebees are humble bees and don't bother anybody. The bees don't mean to fly into anyone. That's their game. The like to fly (dive bomb) as fast as they can straight for you and pull out at the last second showing off their aerial superiority. The crash into my daughter wasn't an actual "attack". It was a misjudgment by the bee. The males fight other males for rights to the girls and show off in flight fights (kind of like a dance fight) It's all a game of intimidation to them but they don't just try to intimidate other bees. Humans are fair game if they are outdoors. I never was good at being "intimidated". I kill things that try to frighten me. I don't have a "fight or flight syndrome" I have a "kill it and let there be peace" syndrome.

[Neville]

Message to self .. neva piss off Mr. Franklin :)

[Lorry]

Well I'd say I was shocked at his passing, but not as shocked as Geoff, the president of www.thebeesareallouttogetus. Com. �™
I call him Geoff anyway because I used to know a Geoff who hated bees, but took honey in his tea to sweeten it... and perhaps build up a defence towards all things stingy.
He was a complete loon, until the last time I got stung and saw his conspiracy fly into action instantly, when I realised out of everyone it could sting, it chose me, and I realised he was telling the truth.
They only make honey to act all nice and get us thinking Geoff was mad.
Yours sincerely,
lorry
Vice president of
Www.www.thebeesareallouttogetus. Com 😊

[Neville]

Tell me something I didn't know already .. Neville 🐝

[Ken Simm.]

Your wit is showing my friend. As someone once said to me and I have been waiting a long time to mention it in a review. Not that there have not been some excellent witty poems. But I can remember none as good as this and about Bee's as well. On a side note do you remember this? Yours is better I make sure to add.
A one, two
A one, two, three, four

Half a bee, philosophically
Must, ipso facto, half not be
But half the bee has got to be
A vis-a-vis its entity, you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

Singing

A-laa dee dee, a-one two three
Eric, the half a bee
A, B, C, D, E, F, G
Eric, the half a bee

Is this wretched demi-bee
Half asleep upon my knee
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric, the half a bee

A-fiddle de dum, a-fiddle de dee
Eric, the half a bee
Hoh hoh hoh, tee hee hee
Eric, the half a bee
Monty Python.

[Neville]

2 bee honest Ken, UR 2 kind .. unfortunately beetween you n mee, Monty Python's hit single seems to have slipped my mind .. Neville :)

[willweb]

That was cool and though the ending stings a bit, I still could not contain my smile throughout. Really fun Neville.

[Neville]

How extraordinary, it was meant to bee deathly serious .. Thanks Will :)

[Dave Brown]

This tends to instigate a laugh beecause it sounds unbeelievable but the little b******s do sting ya which someone should bloody well outlaw.
My father used to feed bees to the bears every winter until he could no longer afford them continually callin for pollen

[Neville]

For the sake of exactness, the whole thing is about 95% true .. It would bee almost impossible to make it more accurate without me ending upbeeing locked up for breaking the code of confidentiality .. Oh' and is wasn't funny at the time .. Cheers Dave :)

[AYVID N]

This is a world full of strange people with bizarre fears. And indeed, so real to them in their worlds. It's sad that the man really died of what he feared. In this case, the bees really had a pogrom to liquidate him. The shrink should take the cash beforehand from the next patient, just in case a zombie decides to follow through. I enjoyed this poem!

[Neville]

You are of course absolutely write .. but I now feel feel obliged to point out one or two things,

firstly, I introduced what I imagine to be 🐝please excuse the pun, a painful demise via the indirect route of poetic license .. in effect, it felt write .. and secondly, the shrink in question when undertaking private consultations has never pocketed a penny but ploughed every one of them back into the service .. as indeed we all do .. there is still plenty of other sorry individuals that are our real bread and butter .. thirdly, I particularly like the way you were thinking strategically on my behalf as far as that next patient was concerned .. be sure if I take up the idea, I will credit you with the concept and associated principles .. oh' n split the dosh down the middle with ya ..
I actually saw two people back on back (both young ladies) who had near phobic fears about zombies .. I think it was around the time Walking Dead was being aired on the telly .. I've never encountered the like since ..

Fourthly .. I like the fact you enjoyed this somewhat lengthy post .. I dont think it is the bees knees, in fact far from it but there ya go, tis now done, button pressed .. and finally, there is no fifthly ... Many thanks again my friend .. N :)

[AYVID N]

I enjoyed it then and I enjoyed reading the poem again today with your comments as a backdrop. Will wait for my share of dosh haha. Thank you for the fun and laughs. :)

[Neville]

my pleasure entirely :)

[Chris Shaw]

I dunno. I reckon there was a bit of hyperbolebee here :) Poor bloke, some people do have such fears don’t they? Anyway, your tall story made me laugh. Well he was cured of his fears completely, kicked the bucket in the process and probably didn’t have to part with cash either:)) Thanks for the smile Neville on a bloomin awful wet day.

Chris

[Neville]

funny thing is Chris, most of it is bloomin true .. okay, so he didn't get stung or die .. but he was one helluva angry man and I remember distinctly how much he hated bees and for more than a dozen odd reasons .. Glad it made you smile my friend on a not too bad day around these here parts .. Neville

[Chris Shaw]

I hope you eventually managed to take the sting out of his fears. Twelve reasons to hate bees. Gotta be a poem there my friend:)

[Neville]

.................. maybe 🌹🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I enjoyed this. It made me think of a CPA that I once worked with, who was a beekeeper as well. This is infused with humor and is really pleasant reading. Well penned.

[Neville]

maybe not one of my best but a change is as good as a rest and I chuckled my way write through it ..

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Neville... people can be "busy Bees" and gather Nectar.
They spread it around like Gossip. They need to mind their own Business...
before they are stung by a Wasp. softly, Pat

[Neville]

well I neva .. well I did actually but only occasionally and always softly Pat