The Ghost of My Self That Was

A few reflections, having just sold my mountain home and bolt hole high in the Starra Planina Mountains of Bulgaria

The Ghost of My Self That Was

I did not want to fall

asleep

last night again

without you ..

And so, I sat alone

on the balconet

in the pouring rain

with a full jug

of wine, but minus

the usual cigarettes ..

It was there

where I felt,

for the first time lost ..

Not like a visitor

lost, or alone ..

But more like an

unwelcome guest,

or a ghost perhaps ..

In what was

once, my very own

perfect mountain home ..

 

Author's Note

the mention of cigarettes was a poetic prop .. I've not lit up for more years than I can now remember .. the wine was red .. the image is mine

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

I always say goodbye to each and every room, before leaving. It's like letting go of a friend, as it leaves you in tears. Ok, maybe that's just me reflecting back on a memory, but I felt a lump in my throat as you sat alone on that balcony in the pouring rain. I applaud you for "breaking the habit". That in itself is quite an accomplishment. And I'll take a glass of that red wine, too...and toast to the ghosts of our past!

[Neville]

please accept my very sincere apologies for this uncharacteristic and otherwise imposed late acknowledgement of your kind and encouraging visit Kelly .. I assure you, I was otherwise engaged and if the offer remains open, I shall drink a very large red this evening as a mark of my genuine appreciation and to your health ... Neville

[Kelly Scheppers]

No apology needed my friend! The offer still stands!

[Neville]

.................... OK .. Cheers K .. N 🍷🍷

[Ken e Bujold]

giving up a sanctuary is as a wrenching moment as there is. Your gentle wisp of a poem captures the first moment of recollection perfectly N. Hope it goes well for you. From experience, it took me a long time to forget a similar refuge was no longer mine.

[Neville]

when the time is right, one knows it is write .. and then written . thank you kindly Ken .. Neville

[light and ashes]

Reading and reviewing this again..
sad write.

[Neville]

then I am doubly honoured and mighty finely ma'am .. thank you my friend n truly ... Neville

[light and ashes]

You are welcome, Neville. I was happy to do it. You have always been a gentleman.

[Lisasview]

To move is always difficult... We feel secure in knowing our surrounding and then feel displaced in our new home.
But, things have a way of making it right quickly....
However, this appears also to be a separation from someone...and, as it is not clear then it could just be that that someone is somewhere else...for now...
Either way, I so enjoyed your poem... I could see you there drinking wine and saying goodbye to your security and happy surroundings,
Lisa, already at my computer...

[Neville]

Good mane Lisa already at your computer .. Many thanks for considering my recent little scribble .. Such visits are always welcome and invariably appreciated .. Neville just about to jump into the shower and get ready for work ..

[Lisasview]

Your messages always make me smile.
Did i tell you I broke my clavicle? Not fun... anyway, I was typing with my left finger for awhile...but now I am able to use both hands...although there is that dog gone throbbing persistent pain...
So being back to my computer is great...
Did you read my newest post?
WILTED SOUL ?
Lisa, still typing

[AYVID N]

That's life I guess, countries, cities and homes come and go in our lives just as people do. I relate to that feeling of a ghost, perhaps unwanted. Its the cue to move on with the flow. I enjoyed this poem so much.

[Neville]

thanks again DIVYA .. it was the right time to move on .. there's a whole lot more out there to explore yet .. Neville

[AYVID N]

There always is, dear Neville. Love is always waiting for us with wonderful things. You are most welcome.

[Coyote Poetry]

I feel like the below lines often Neville.
"But more like an
unwelcome guest,
or a ghost perhaps"
In my old house. The quiet can make us feel like ghosts. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Neville]

thank you for sharing those impressions Coyote .. I am always grateful for such visits .. Neville

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure Neville and you are welcome.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Loved the descriptives the wine the nicotine or lack thereof
What a wonderful poem
Loved this one Neville

[Neville]

Many thanks Julie and muchly appreciated .. Have a FAB weekend my friend .. Neville

[emmajoygreen]

Sad, yes.. but memories and photos plentiful if I recall. Felt like that about my renovated wee cottage. Hurts like heck but I drive past and smile. Hopefully, please. you can still go over to Bulgaria, it's such a special country. Did you ever have the garden tamed? Sadly beautiful, Neville

'I did not want to fall
asleep
last night again
without you
And so, I sat alone'

[Neville]

thank you for your visitation emmajoygreen .. no, she tamed me, but the time was right to make the break and I have no regrets whatsoever .. Neville

[emmajoygreen]

People inevitably get what they deserve!

[Miss Sharon]

(I did not want to fall asleep last night again without you ..) Beautifully sad intro to this amazing post. ~Sharon

[Neville]

Now who's too kind eh' .. bless you Sharon .. Neville

[Lorry]

It's never a good feeling when a home doesn't feel like home anymore, especially one you loved and held so many dear memories, before then became now and it is a feeling I have had before and still look back on that time as something that fell from my grasp because fate decreed it to be and nothing I could have done could change that.
It always leaves regrets of all the what ifs.
Sorry for your loss mate, but it is what it is and one day you may just find the place without the bad memories to replace it. Hope you do.

[Neville]

thanks for understanding & the insight Loz .. I appreciate the sharing .. in spite of a genuine sadness, I have no regrets about selling .. I am aware that I can visit whenever, it's just not quite the same tho' is it .. Neville .. 🐧)) x