Cold Under the Coat

just words he say's .... say's me..... maybe a work in progress but with special thanks to Jacob for suggesting the title and his wisdom... cheers j.

Cold Under The Coat

 

Oh my love

How I must have changed

Since we last failed

And so deliciously

 

You never faltered though

Or paused or turned

For one final

Backward glance did you

 

Nor did you drop one of your

Elegant gloves as we passed

In the second hand book store

I know because I checked

 

I checked the next day too

And despite it being summer

And with mercury still climbing

I recall a distinct chill

 

It was the moment the hem of your

Dress brushed past my knee

Yes it was then I promised myself

Another beard come winter

 

You may laugh but I have considered

Taking up walking with my mandolin 

Or a meerschaum pipe maybe

Perhaps you would notice me then

 

Although I trust my self less 

With you these days than I once did

With nicotine

Which took some quitting too

 

I kept the old green corduroy coat

By the way but only ever wear it now

In the garden and on special occasions

Because you once liked it

 

And because

It still smells of you

At least I think its you

It could be no one else for sure

 

Oh my love

How we have both changed

Since failing

And so completely

Author's Note

I was going to call this the Final Hurt but some geeza changed my mind...

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

actually I like the title you have...i like the whole idea of the coat...doesn't keep the speaker as warm now that she is gone.
the admittance that we failed...and he hopes she may just want to retake the course/ relationship and see if they could pass this time...
maybe "Cold under the Coat" for a title? i just like that coat idea mixed into this...Failing feels so cold.
j.

[Neville]

thank you so much jacob... I like your title too.. and so much so.. I am gonna nick it... cheers N :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

help yourself to it...
enjoyed the read.
j.

[Neville]

tis done ta...

[Fay Slimm]

The picture you scribe does not look like a failure on the part of the writer - but love gone cold needs sometimes that overcoat and you got it right Nev in composing pathos into your tender lines... hope this sad ode is from your incurable imagination however................ Fay

[Neville]

absolutely ....

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Well failing brings us to where we are and makes us who we are - if we didn’t fail we would never accomplish - deep thoughts and feelings - too late or maybe not?🌹

[Neville]

You know it is never too late Kelly and hey.. you got a bouquet of smiles and thanks from me on the way... :)

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

I’m waiting ...hope the colours are bright🌹

[Neville]

............ :) N

[Karmee]

Wow! what a long write, but very well done, Love the metaphor like write. awesome

[Neville]

awesome does it for me every time ... cheers my friend... Neville

[gram linski]

that was an awesome poem, Neville, the Final Hurt indeed, save the title for verse two the hurt and confusion and loss shout loud, the desperation we all feel, please notice me please love me,

[Neville]

You probably have no idea how much your words mean to me ... many thanks indeed and true....

Neville

[NotUsinganymore]

Very interesting metophor poem. I enjoyed it. c:

[Neville]

I am pleased you found this page and felt able to comment .. a much appreciated visit JungLee.. Thank you.... N

[NotUsinganymore]

You're welcome c:

[Neville]

...cheers... N :)

[Lyanth]

Sadness always associated with cold, perhaps reflective of how we feel inside when in pain with no one to turn to.
Cold, symbolic of being left exposed and unprotected from the hurt. No comfort to blanket us from it.
This is sad, in a beautiful way.
How we all change..change brings pain at times does it not, but so necessary it can be.
Touching words, I like it.

[Neville]

Thank you kindly Lyanth .. a much appreciated visit.

Neville

[Lyanth]

It was a pleasure..

[Neville]

well thank you again then... N :)

[Sammi]

Neville I can hear all the ladies here saying 'awww' she could at least left you a kiss on the cheek to remember her by and such an charming gent got nothing it does not seem fair, I would drop a hanky for you to retrieve so we could get acquainted good and proper like and no telling where it would go from there. ;)
You have made me sad with this one and wanting to give you what she never did you poor boy, I love how you made the coat a part of it all too [but I would have you steaming under it not cold] along with how instantly you fell for her with love at first sight what a romantic you are, thank you Neville -- sigh! ;)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[Neville]

Upon my very word.. what a luverly review you have left for me here.. How very kind and truly appreciated...HUGGS back at ya..... Neville :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

"And because
It still smells of you
At least I think its you
It could be no one else for sure..."

Sometimes the temperature outside doesn't regulate what we're feeling. I really took to this verse because of how the sense of smell conjures up a memory. It opens up the flood gates, too. I think the analogy of the coat fit this perfectly, Nev.

[Neville]

a thank you even a big one followed by a :) seems such an inadequate response to your encouraging comment Kelly.. but I do thank you, I mean it and true......Neville

[Cherrie Palmer]

That title rocks, it grabs hold the imagination. It's a ten dollar bet at the gate, readers will have to peek in to see what this is about.

And then...

Your poem will leave them in silence, as if they were a witness to such grief.

[Neville]

Aw bless you my friend.. how very kind of you.. we have good old jacob erin cilberto to thank for the title.. ya could almost call it a collaboration, I guess ... :)

[Fran Marie]

What a beautifully written love story told
within a poem ..this coat holds so much
more than mere memories ..perhaps a new
silverr lining with renewed chance of warmed
up love..nice work here Neville..

[Neville]

Thank you kindly my dear Fran Marie.... and what a wonderful idea.. every coat should have a silver lining shouldn't it...... Neville :)

[Fran Marie]

yes and you're welcome;

[Neville]

........... :) x

[Carol Cashes]

"You may laugh but I have considered
Taking up walking with my mandolin "

Busking for Babes? Seriously, that one pseudo-comic note is the perfect light touch this piece needed to keep it on this side of...maudlin? Wait, I know! It's your "Play it again, Sam" line (Casa Blanca?). I don't know, whatever...this line made the whole piece work for me.

[Neville]

I frequently pop out with my mandolin or lute.. so I aint laughing except maybe at myself... I really appreciate you contributing to the incredibly large volume of rave reviews these words are receiving from all corners of my bedroom..... Actually, I really am delighted that you popped in... Cheers and All Good Things n stuff, Neville :)

[Carol Cashes]

Oh, Dear Lord! I wasn't makin' fun of your piece. I am in a very deep hole right now and will grasp at anything that resembles a potential smile--from either side--mine or yours, it doesn't matter.

[Neville]

Dont be daft.. I never thought for a moment... gotcha tho didn't I... Here take this :) tis a big un okay... N

[Carol Cashes]

Oh! Miss Bad-a*s ain't as Sassy-fras as her earlier works would suggest, these days. I can't seem to strike the right chord with too many people these days - I'm either bottomless-pit deep or irreverent bordering on disrespectful. I don't always "think before I type".

[Neville]

we all put our foot in it from time to time.. sometimes it just can't be helped.. just like some people really.... actually, I disagree with myself over that.. I believe every one can be helped if they want to be helped and they try to help themselves too...