Last Night Alone

Make your own mind up

LAST NIGHT ALONE

It was almost dark before his day began

As he fumbled for the light switch

And took his faithful pen between his hands

 

He sat down in the corner

Which had become his only friend

Staring at the mattress to pretend

 

Dreaming of a yesterday long gone

Dreaming of the lovers he had known

How he burnt the sacred candle

The way the books had said

In the hope his love would one day realise

 

Then he placed his pen on paper and wrote a line or two

For the benefit of those first through the door

He turned towards the photograph

Which leaned out from the wall

Cleared his throat and said a prayer

To a rodent congregation on the floor

 

He made his way across the room

To a box behind the wall

And marked a site upon his arm

Precisely with his thumb then smiling

Slowly let the poison flow

He lay between his memories

And listened to a show

Then whispered to his photograph

My fighting now is done

 

Author's Note

Don't try this at home

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Your lines are dark, and the feeling is of despair, of someone who has given up all hope. Whispering to a photograph, that's got to be a loved one, and this must be a result of a failed romance.That's where you took me Neville. That room is full of gloom, rodents scratching around ugh......he thinks he has come to the end of the road. Sad story, it happens.

Chris

[Neville]

it certainly does happen... thank you our Chris

[Chris Shaw]

You are most welcome Neville :)

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

This is the part that gets to me...this is the part I do not understand. As dismal as I lived....as dismal as Ive felt...as dismal as Ive wrote....I couldnt think of it not....Ive been told, its because you are too strong. Am I really? Or am I so full of it that I cant really lose myself? Even in a dark dungeon flight escapes me....

[Neville]

Just dont you ever change CQ.... and many thank you's for such a welcome visit...

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem shared my friend Neville. Always good to read your work. The reader could feel the thoughts and emotions. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Neville]

Hello my good friend..many thanks indeed.. I thought about you often during my own recent absence.. stay well brother... N

[Mrudula Rani]

Scenario before some one committed suicide! It is chillingly painful my dear friend. You have painted a story of broken heart so clearly and make us understand how desperate a loveless life feels, and the note " For the benefit of those first through the door "
" How he burnt the sacred candle
The way books had saiid
In the hope his love would one day realise "
Says it all .

[Neville]

Like you my friend.. I was in awe of that note... one expects a certain something.. always.. but never an apology to those first through the door.... bless you again this cold eve my friend.. your visits are always welcome and likewise appreciated.... N :)

[Mrudula Rani]

It is always a great pleasure to read your spectacular poetry my friend. Wishing you all the best.
The cold weather in USA is breaking all records... I hope your cold temp are not that bad. Do take care, keep warm Neville.

[Neville]

it is cold here but no, nowhere near that of in the US... I shall certainly try... you take care too now ya hear.... x

[Cherrie Palmer]

...he lay between his memories...
That is a power packed line.
really good, a real attention getter.

[Neville]

thank you so much Cherrie.. these words are almost as old as the hills..... they just needed to see the light of day again before I put them to bed.... N

[Tom]

A tragic tale, poignantly penned !

[Neville]

Much appreciated Tom, very much indeed my literary friend, N

[Lyn Anderson]

I feel as if this might be a rewrite or an alteration of a piece I already read and reviewed, even so, I love its story and feel, and the sad end is as it should be.

[Neville]

Hey K.L.G you naughty girl, you must have somehow got inside my head. No not a re-write or an alteration, sorry... I am delighted though that you felt able to comment so positively.... Neville

[Einstein Noodle]

grabbed me and held my attention throughout .. right there in the room as observer ... something about ending the last line with done that seems less powerful than something else ..can't quite put my finger on it ..and just a first impression ... i will take your advice ..not trying this at home ..:)
E.

[Neville]

Bless ya Einstein N... I tried to bend my mental muscle around your initial impression of the last stanza & whilst I think I can understand where you are coming from, I am inclined to leave it but how does the following grab you?
My fighting now is over
Completely done.......

Your stopping by and taking time out to consider this work is much appreciated. Cheers, your literary friend, N

[Einstein Noodle]

i think what it is ...(and i am no pro by any means) is that some of your lines are couplet like .. but then not ... when they are .. i am drawn into the rhythm and it is not there throughout ... so noting that ..i read each line as prose ... i would not change it either ... i admire how you (again) place me right there in the room ..and keep me there start to finish ... almost like a short story that leaves me wanting more ..
E.

[Neville]

Hey, you are far too generous my friend, but thank you, thank you very much