Sempiternity

I know some people examine their beliefs.. Is there a creator, or are we fortunate biology, type questions. Do we share in the forethought of our destiny or have we cast our fate to the wind...

There are some faiths that cause the reinforcement of their devout convictions by professing their undying loyalty, their eternal fidelity as part of a continuing ritual. And it is often written and wisely sustained that we must revisit, relive those nourishing events in any endeavor that requires the proving of our annealing.

I leave you to your convictions, this is just a story.

I had been considering a truth about our spirit, that perhaps we choose our challenges before we embark on this journey. Perhaps we must learn about anguish, torment... abandonment, to understand the breadth of joy, bliss... agape. I was struggling with an aspect of this theme that would follow, that murderers and victims are tied together in the event that brings them together... that they both chose to cross paths in this manner, to learn.

Terms like 'soul mate' are tossed about with so much idle banter, real divine beauty is tainted. Common thought wants to tie everything to completing oneself, or some romantic attachment so persistently; they create a spiritual void by neglect. 

As I was swimming in this philosophical sea, it was at this point in my awakened mind he passed through me. I was perfected in those moments.

Riding with a friend in their car, I pointed to a flower shop common to our travels and demanded we stop. Demanded, ardently I did.

And to my good friend's credit they asked no questions.

Quite suddenly I realized I must get myself a bouquet, arrangement.. something, which was not so unusual really. I did this for myself intermittently, when I was low, depressed beaten.  But this lightning rod, knee jerk, demanding need I suddenly had, well.... was. Nature perpetually blesses us with her bounty.  When I've had very little else to hold onto, I would buy a potted plant to be my little friend and reminder. So, I had justification for floating in this self-indulgence unsuspected.

Once inside the store, I began my meticulous perusal of every little object on display, knick-knacks, ceramics, potted ferns, unusual flower arrangements. After which I would move to the refrigerators of cut flowers and fresh arrangements, you must not miss a thing, a beautiful thing.

I was bent over in this pursuit in an awkward position when I felt him enter the store.

I use him because in that instant, I understood

The clarity nearly seared me, beyond gender, beyond grace, beyond knowing... there is divine.

There are beings sacred, so refined and evolved their energy heals passively and vibrates at such a high intensity; lower beings might not even be able to recognize it.  My back turned, the electricity sought me and I forgot to breathe.

This presence was so sacred, so auld... so divine, I almost dare not look.

Never in my entire life had I felt so overwhelmingly sure that I should drop to my knees in deference and weep for my own good fortune to be blessed by their honoring me by moving through my existence.

And yet I did turn, because there was something else... something not quite forgotten, but sleepy. I probed for that feeling, that memory, that comfort and familiarity, nobility, inheritance.. something. This too was beyond knowing or understanding; I was unable to completely process it.

In the same warming sense of first daylight I perceived him. My eyes captured a blonde child struggling in the arms of his father, as his family entered the store.  Maybe four years of age this child with Down Syndrome was the most radiant being I had ever gazed upon.

He fought like a wild cat to be freed of his fathers grasp and as I met his eyes

he wailed  "Mine! "

He did this in such a loud voice it startled the other customers and staff.   A horrified and befuddled father exclaimed    "he's not usually like this, I'm so sorry."

He said this in my direction but loud enough for the benefit of the others.

I knew I couldn't even begin to tell him that he had nothing for which to be sorry; that indeed his charge was entitled to privilege we couldn't measure.

The child again reached to me with both arms outstretched and exclaimed ardently  "Mine!"

I smiled tearfully reaching outward toward him from a small distance as if to say Yes.   He physically calmed then but never took his eyes away for more than a few moments.

I was completely enthralled.

I couldn't really move even though I forced myself to appear as though I was shopping, aloof, unaffected.   I watched piously and drank in everything his spirit was whispering to me as his mother shopped till the family left the store.

As they moved through the door he waved over his fathers shoulder with little clutching hands

"buh bye mine."

Nearly choking I waved buh bye too.

For I knew this was the one and only time this most precious being was going to grace me in this existence. Like family you've hungered to see, the taste was too brief, too precious.