Men with black lies

On a road far away
A bird is singing pure
But I will never be so free
No release, of that I'm sure

Trapped inside a cage of sorrow
I pray to be forgotten
By the men with black lies
Who deserve what I have gotten

Author's Note

Comment please :)

Reviews

[Gomer LePoet]

Nice piece of writing. the birdman of Alcatraz comes to mind here.

[Alessander]

This has a very ballad-like quality to it, and I would like you to, meter-wise, stick more to the traditional structure, because I've been programmed to expect it lol

But the traditional format goes like this: iambic tetrameter, abac, or abab. However, this goes in another vein that is actually quite popular, iambic trimeter, iambic tetrameter in abac, which I like

OK, that's my traditionalists terets out in the open lol

For a short piece, it really has a lot of undertones and mystery. Birds are frequently symbols for both freedom, and poets, both of which add layers to the poem. You also use a classical rhetorical technique of contrasting the birds with the "men with black lies" which could be interpreted in a lot of ways, like Nature (good), Humans (bad) etc. I actually MISREAD this originally and thought it was "Men with black TIES" which I'd prefer because that is an IMAGE and it alludes to men in power contrasted against the simple bird. BUT that's just me lol I do like this piece, I just think it can be tweaked a little, because in such shot pieces, everything is magnified. Nice work.

[St.Jimmy]

this poem is short but it had said so many things. A bird singing freely was trapped in the cage of grieves is compared to a person's conditions. That bird prays to be forgotten by this world because it had given her so much pain and sorrow and she just want to leave behind this hurricane of 'black lies' but she also curses this world to suffer like she did so far
Good write
~Aaradhya

[ashley]

this is powerful. so much emotion in so few words. great job!

[StevenMannette]

Interesting poem I like it, you start off with saying how free you are as a bird then it turns around saying how entrapped and closed off from the world you feel and pray the men with black lies go through the same emotions you went through.It's thought prevoking good job

[M.a. Benjamin]

Nice little piece you have here.

[HorrorMaster]

Very short, but it is fantastic.

[Emily]

Such a short piece, but what a fantastic bit you've written in this. I like the way you've made such a tangle out of the bird and the cage in relation to 'you' the character. Very nice work here, though the last line seems more of a contradiction, you want to be forgotten by the men with black lies, who deserve what "I" have gotten. What have you gotten which came from them or... do they deserve what they have gotten in trapping you and denying you freedom.

I always love pieces which make me feel and question these things. Well done.

[Ĺυ¢куĎυ¢ку]

Woah.... thats i i can say
Lydia Sity's P.S. - if u want to get pics for stuff go to google and right click and press save as :] jsuk ( just so u know)

[Gionelly Kiss]

Fantastic rhyme and rhythm in this poem. I truly enjoyed it. The simplicity of the two stanzas and the imagery. The powerful message of freedom is clearly expressed in here. The last lines in the first stanza were my favorite: "A bird is singing pure; But I will never be so free; No release, of that I'm sure." I really think that, though, these short poems are your style you could lengthen and make them even greater. Try it. Othrwise, it was wonderful. Again, thanks for sharing. Keep writing.
Gionelly*KiSS