Take me instead

A poem about loving someone so badly that you'd take their pain and suffering in their place.

I beg of you

Take me instead

I know you're thinking

I must be mad

Take my body,

Take my soul,

Submissive, I will be

Anything and everything

If you let him free

No matter what you're planning

To use, to hurt, to die

But take me in his place

For he's worth more than I

Author's Note

Yeah... Review please ^^

Reviews

[phonetixs]

this really depicts a state of selflessness. a love , a devotion. really a serious tone on every stanza makes the reader open their eyes thats for sure. the pain you would unload off f your love's plate and put it on your cross to carry.

No matter what you're planning
To use, to hurt, to die
But take me in his place
For he's worth more than I
^the closer for me was the best part.

this was short, but very very poignant. excellent write.

thanks for sharing.

[Wondering Mind]

Nicely composed piece on sacrifice and selfless love (the way it should be).

[Gomer LePoet]

Nice poem. It is good to feel that way, It is bad to feel that way, understanding the mysteries of life will never be gained.

[The Water Queen]

Selflessness and love. Perfect.

[frnd]

That's the way all love should be.

[larryb]

I love the prayer like quality of this :)

[eccath]

Good poetic voice in this poem! :)

[ashley]

This is amazing. To have a love like that, one that you would die for... amazing. Great write, I love this! :D

[Gionelly Kiss]

Your wording was exceptional in this poem. Simple but beautiful in its decoration. For example, "I beg of you," "Submissive, I will be," "To use, to hurt, to die," and "For he's worth more than I," were all so wonderfully expressed that it truly summed up your feelings...
Even the rhythm was perfect. By using repetition with "I" and "Take me" and "To use, to hurt, to die" in the first 2 stanzas, you helped add to the focus on the last lines that abruptly stop with "But take me in his place For he's worth more than I" and make the point. Excellent!
Thank you for sharing. I really like this. Keep writing.

[A.Lee]

This is excellent. You did a great job with such a short poem. The last stanza was a fantastic ending.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem. The story was to the point and direct. Description was very good for the short poem. You said a lot in this poem. A excellent poem.
Coyote