Welcome the Rain

                Even though I knew my fears were unjust, it didn’t make them less fearful. The chances of someone climbing up to a second story window to kill a person was very slim, but it had happened before I’m sure, and even though I was listening to him and not telling anyone, just as he was asking me to… I was still afraid of what could come through my window.

                I had been dating my first boyfriend for months now. The thought of having a boyfriend was wonderful at first. My first boyfriend, WOW, how cool was that? Most of my friends didn’t even have one. The first month went by with no problems. We went on two dates, saw each other all the time at school, and even shared our first kiss. I’m not really sure what changed… or if it was little things that lead up to the change, but one day… it just happened. It was a Friday morning, I remember, mostly because the weekend always meant I could spend time with my friends outside of school. I was just putting away the stuff from my bag when my boyfriend came over to me. Justin, a year older than me and a lot more popular than me, came over and leaned against the locker door. “Hey,” he smiled at me with that, ‘OMG he’s so cute’ smile. “Are we still going out tomorrow?” The answer normally would be, “Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” but today the answer was different.

                “No,” I looked at him sadly, “Malinda is having problems with her boyfriend again and she wants to spend the weekend together to try and calm down and solve the problem.” I turn my attention back to my locker as the five minute warning bell goes off. “I’m sorry, maybe we can do something Sunday night?” I try, “She has a doctor’s appointment Sunday afternoon and has to be home by three.” His hand was on my wrist a lot quicker than I thought possible. He yanked me away from the locker and glared at me.

                “We already had plans.” He growled at me, “You can just tell your stupid friend to get over it” My eyes widened. Needless to say I was shocked by his sudden change in attitudes. 

                “I just think she needs a friend… we can push it back a day and go out can’t we?” My voice shook and I hoped he would notice that he was scaring me.

                “I don’t think we can,” the sting in my cheek hit me before it even registered that he had just smacked me. “Forget it,” he shoved me away, “I didn’t want to go out with a stupid b***h like you anyway.” He stormed away from me leaving me to stand shocked and confused. What the hell had just happened?

                This went on… It seemed to get worse and worse the longer we were together. He would slap me, hit me, punch me, kick me, anything he had to in order to get me to do what he wanted me to do.  I know it sounds like a childish dream, but I hoped he would someday change back to the boy I had first started dating. I know… I should have broken up with him, I know I should have just left him and tried to forget. But abuse…. Abuse scares you, after so long you start to fear the person abusing you.  He told me many times how he would kill me if I told anyone what he was doing. How he’d make me sorry I opened my mouth. I’m not sure it would have helped anyway. My friends all loved him, his teachers loved him, the girls at my school loved him, even my parents loved him… I don’t think telling anyone would have helped anyway.

                So as I lay in my bed, fearful that he would sneak into my second story room and kill me in the middle of the night, terrified me. I was almost fifteen and I had to sleep with four nightlights in my room. I couldn’t sleep with the lights on my parents might see and turn them off. So each night, I pulled them out from under my bed and plugged them in around my room, and each morning, as I woke up, I took them out and hide them once more. Tonight for some reason was an overly fearful night. Part of me thought it was because I had considered telling someone what was going on. Maybe he would be able to reach into my mind and see that I was going to tell someone. Maybe he thought if I was thinking it I would do it and it would be much easier to kill me now, than wait until I did tell. Whatever the reason, I lay in bed scared he was coming.

                And then… all the nightlights went out. I don’t mean, I turned them off, I mean… all together, as if maybe the power had gone out… they all turned off. My first thought of course was, “The power went out” so my eyes quickly turned to the clock. 2:26 Am. Well… the power didn’t go out. That scared me even more. I knew, somewhere, that I should be jumping up right now and running from the room. He was coming, he was coming, he was coming. Was all my mind could think. I was going to die. Someone was really stupid enough to climb up a second story floor and kill me… The smell of fresh rain filled the air and warm loving arms circled me. HOLY CRAP! Someone was in the room with me!  My body tensed and I tried to scream, no words would have came out anyway… Calm down The voice in my head was soft There is nothing to fear.

                Voice in my head? Now I was hearing voices. I knew it wasn’t my own. My own voice wasn’t that of a male. His voice was… different. It sounded like he was in the room with me, like those arms around me where his. The voice was soft spoken but held that note that made me feel like this man knew how to get what he wanted and was hardly ever questioned.

                “Nothing to fear?” I questioned out loud, worried more about the nightlights turning off than the fact I was now talking to this male voice in my head even with the arms of someone around me. The arms… the arms felt comforting. It occurred to me after a few moments that these arms around we were soothing, that I felt safe with those arms around me.

                Nothing is going to harm you. What do you have to fear anyway? The voice sounded more bored now than anything, as if this conversation was just pointless. I went over the chances of someone climbing into my second story bedroom window in my head once more before going over the chances that all the nightlights would turn off without the power going off. No one is coming in your window. I heard him sigh. Wow… now I really was losing my mind. Arms around me, a voice in my head that sounded bored with me and was now speaking to me like I was a child.

                “How do you know? He could have heard me thinking about telling on him, he could have heard me thinking about leaving him. He could be getting a ladder out now and climbing up my window.” My voice started to shake at the end of my speech, I didn’t think about him getting a ladder… with a ladder he could easily make it up to my window. The lock wasn’t on my window. He could take a knife and cut the screen out, he could slide open the window. He could tip toe into my room and just kill me even before I noticed. Maybe he was the reason the lights had turned off, maybe he was the reason that – My thoughts were caught out by the male’s voice again.

                That’s quite enough. I’m tired, you are tired. You have school in the morning. Go to sleep. The arms around me, gently rubbed my side. Go to sleep, he isn’t coming for you. I won’t let him hurt you tonight. With a yawn I realize he was right. I am tired and the alarm will be going off soon. I pull the blanket up around me, suddenly feeling calm and relaxed. Right before I go to sleep I turn my head to look behind me, trying to find the source of the calming arms.

                No one was in my room.