Forward

A young kid tries to take his life and fails in his mission but gains some advice he'll never forget.

My hands pick at the white hospital bracelet, the restrictive band cutting into my flesh, oddly comforting yet oppressive.The tiny bracelet contains all the basics of myself, anything you would need to know: my name, Cameron Hawkins, date of birth, height, weight, eye color, blah blah, but oddly enough, it doesn't state my reason for admission. It doesn't tell you what I did, who I really am. My roommate, a cutter named Declan, reclines back on the stiff, metal bed, placing both hands behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling. 

" Hey Newbie." he doesn't move," So...what are you in for?" What's funny is how his bracelet doesn't state his demise either, but it's right underneath, red zig zags that peek from behind the white band. Nervous, I continuously pick at the bracelet and shuffle my feet.

"Why do you need to know?" I chance a look at him as he sits up, his hands grabbing the edge of the bed, a mischievous smirk on his face. 

"I'd like to know my roomate's not a total psycho." He dies laughing, clutching his stomach, his hazel eyes bright with contentment...strange. He looks up, eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer. 

"It's not important why I'm here, what's important is that I get out soon." I snap at him. He looks thrown off but not deterred. 

"If you really think that buddy, you're gonna be here for awhile." He states, the light gone from his eyes. "Look kid, I know this isn't exactly where you want to be, but it's going to be okay. Whatever it is, you're going to get better." Declan stands up to leave, the room already missing his reassuring stature. 

"That's the thing..."I whisper. Declan turns on his heels and stares at me, I notice his shoes are missing the laces. I wonder, for a second, what secrets he's hiding, why he's really here. The answer is on his wrists, but the why? is unknown, as it always is in life I guess.

"You say something' newbie?" Declan's southern drawl takes getting used to, but once I figure out what he says I reply, " How can you get better when you're the problem? They said get rid of what destroys you and... I tried..." My voice cracks, and I suddenly feel so small. Declan snaps his head up. I feel like I'm under a microscope when he notices my face, dark purple bruises cloud my vision but I see him analyze me, and for a moment, I'm scared he'll know. He'll take one look and think, "Damn. This kid is doomed. There's no hope for someone like him." 

It feels like hours pass before he finally says something. "So...that's why you're here? You tried to kill yourself?" He goes to sit beside me, the bed dipping on his side, the coils squeak. I glance up at him and he takes one look in my eyes. I don't have to answer,he knows...it's there. He shakes his head, his light brown hair sliding on his forehead. The air in the room is filled with tension, with questions, but he has scars of his own..literally. He doesn't have to ask how? or who? or why? I don't know why I tell him anything about me or why I ask him what I do next.

"So is this really it? They throw us in here and expect us to figure it all out on our own? They should be where we are. This isn't fair." I get up on the bed and stare longingly out the window and see the workers on their smoking breaks or talking to each other, free to leave whenever they choose. Declan's chuckle pulls me out of my reverie. I glare at him. 

"You didn't get the memo?" He holds up his wrists, the bands shifting, his deep cuts clearly on display, "Life's not fair." I glance down and jump off the bed, taking the seat next to him. 

"But where do we go from here? I mean... I've already tried to kill myself. Where else is there left to go?" I slam the bed. Declan grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at him. I'll never forget what he told me, his words that changed my life and gave me hope. 

"Forward."

Author's Note

Just something I was messing with. Let me know what you guys think!!