Discretion

I'm excited to read more of this

Posted 11 Years Ago

This sounds like a brilliant start to me, although i must admit it does sound rather like a summary. Still, i look forward to seeing what's coming next and trust that there will be a fulfilling story arc to keep the reader's interest.

One suggestion i could give you is to briefly mention some of the things that make the Patrol so terrible - do they go out on an open witchhunt? Is there a particularly gruesome death sentence for those with powers? I'm sorry if it sounds rather macabre, but i feel it would definitely add more maliciousness wherever the Patrol is mentioned.

As i said before though, great start - happy writing!

Posted 11 Years Ago

I really like the premise of your story. I couldn't see any mistakes; I guess the closest thing I've got to a critique is it reads like a blurb or description rather than a prologue- and perhaps it could be broadened a little- for example, was there a particular event that made people fear the people with powers? An accident or an attack?

At any rate, you've succeeded in piquing my interest. I look forward to reading more and seeing where you take it, there's a lot of interesting perspectives you get take. Matthew the 23rd, a child in hiding etc, someone who works in the patrol even. Anyway, good look continuing your story!

Posted 11 Years Ago