Three Kisses

A poem about kissing.

The taste of tobacco.

The captain’s experienced hands,

attacking me from all sides.

Flat lips that say,

“You’re cute and I’m cute.”

That’s a good reason, right?

 

The smell of sweat in an empty bus.

The climber’s hands,

pinching and pulling.

Chapped lips that say,

“You’re cute and I’m cute.”

That’s a good reason, right?

 

The sound of the freeway.

Rain tapping on our foreheads.

The gamer’s hands locking with my own,

smiling lips that say

“Damn, you’re beautiful.”

That’s a good reason, right?

Author's Note

This is definitely a raw poem. Suggestions for improvement would be greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Rose Kavanagh]

I like this poem, it's edgy and unique - I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it on this site, so great work!

[Jeffrey Gershom]

"Three" is a sacred number within a handful of religions around the world. The physical touch from a kiss can be just as sacred, in a sensual way. Three kiss can have special meaning if it's from the same person.

I like the way you have used the different senses in an orderly fashion: taste, smell and sound...all interlaced with touch. Then using vision as part of the last stanza finishes, or maybe I should say, starts us to wonder what will happen next.

Writing in free verse can be very liberating. Yet, keeping it in a structured framework gives it a feeling of sturdiness, which we can climb and hang on each of your words without having it fall apart.

I enjoyed it very much!

[Neo]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Not sure I see any areas for improvement here but it is always good to craft your work until you are satisfied. This is a lovely example of free verse, it flows well and portrays a clear picture loaded with feeling in a few well chosen words. The pathos is palpable

[Neo]

I can easily go through about fifteen drafts when I'm writing poetry. It always helps when I get feedback from others. I'm really glad you liked it. :)