Calling in sick

She feels him there and peels her eyes open.

The unfriendly clock reads after nine.

“Going to work?”

He was waiting for her to wake him.

They lay there talking.

Ten, eleven, twelve.

“I better call in sick.”

Reviews

[Marimartha Mardynz]

The description is quite clear. Brief but straight to the point and accurate. Would have loved to read ob and on. Keep sharing.

[Neo]

I feel like there is so much more that you can do with this poem. Maybe add more imagery? I know it's about a couple who wakes up in the morning and neither of them feel like getting up and actually going to work, but I think that there is a better way you can show it.
Maybe show it from the man's point of view? "He wait for her to wake him." And get rid of the spoken words. It's too choppy.
I do like "ten, eleven, twelve" to show the hours passing, but make that a little more obvious.
You have some good elements to work with here, and you'll be able to pull it off. I know this is due tomorrow, so if you have any other questions, you can message me. :)