A peek inside my mind

Have you ever wondered what the mind of an autistic person is like? I can't speak for all autistics but I can speak for myself...

Inside my mind, I could obsess over the nothingness... to the point where that nothingness turns into frustration. When I get frustrated that's when I hurt myself. I want to think of the things I should think of but the nothingness gets in the way. It's like my mind is constantly going into a mode of lock down.

My mind can be very complicating. Most people fail to understand the struggles I have with what goes on inside. I have a one track mind and thinking of more than one thing always makes me more frustrated. I have a hard time even dealing with the weirdness. It's almost like putting together a puzzle inside of my head... but some of the pieces are missing and I'm stuck forcing together pieces that don't belong together.

My brain is wired differently than most people think. The things that bother me, are less likely to bother you. It's like, I could be bothered by sirens in the area but you couldn't find them bothersome at all.

I could get so absorbed into something that I could forget what is going on around me. My mind locks down and whatever is going on around me, sometimes I don't even pay attention. I could be looking up something and be so absorbed and not even know that my mom is calling me for dinner... until she is literally screaming at me.

When I fear something, I get so jumpy that I want to escape what is causing that fear to happen. I hate being in the middle of something I fear, whether its dentists or hospitals... its the hardest thing for me to ever deal with.

Most people see me as a normal functioning person. I'm not the kind of person who melts down at everything. I tend to be more quiet and calm... trying to withdraw myself from the world and sinking myself into my own world. It's probably the hardest thing to ever have to deal with.

I also don't express myself very well verbally. It's like my mind is racing to explain what I should say and without having that planned in my head... I get frustrated and end up melting down or getting frustrated.

It's not easy to be the way that I am. It's not easy to have a mind wired differently than what other people realize. I'm doing it though, aren't I? I'm living with the challenges and along the way, being faced with those who fail to understand me.

Author's Note

I want to give everyone a peak inside my mind. This is what its like for me having the disabilities that I have. It's harder than you think. I don't know if this will help in someway but it might help in some way...