Inhale.

Twirling. Twirling leaves.
Oats, honey and bees.
Useless. Useless thoughts.
Closed minds and tots.
Deceived?
Destined to believe.
But not to be believed.
Rhymes. Rhymes they sway.
All the way into decay.
Forgotten and not to persuade.
Pursued. Pursued trust and confidence.
Only to meet lust and false credence.
Tears. Tears ran, ran unstoppable.
Reputation and repetition.
Ruined. Ruined like this nation.
Under God? Or under control?
Sly. Sly eyes turn.
They turn under pressure.
Fissure over to treasure.
Creaky smiles crack under pleasure.
Feathers. Feathers quiver over to freedom.
Freedom. Freedom is demanded.
Unheard from their graves, they rip at their chains.
Chains. Chains smother the damned.
Forsaken, put under a spell.
Blind. Blind they are cursed with all their false care.
Care. Care. What is that?
Who am I? Who are you? What are we?

-inhale-

Author's Note

Literally got lost in thought. It’s raining where I am. Currently sitting in my car on my break..yes I am at work. Haha, and yes I literally just wrote this. Please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Apollos]

“Deceived?
Destined to believe.”

A common cycle for me when I get caught into a destructive way of thinking.

“False credence”

Something fun about the word “credence”.
Can’t describe it but I like it lol

“Under God? Or under control?”
I like that!!!

“Creaky smiles that crack under pressure”
I love this! Favorite line

“What are we?”

I find myself pondering this same thing. When I become aware of my pondering helps me to clue into the type of “what” I am.

Great job!
Be sure to inhale next break you get!

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you so much for your review Apollo’s!

I appreciate your insight and how you break down your interpretation!

I feel as thought it’s easy to go into that ‘cycle’ when your thoughts are too much. When they stir and get stuck under negativity and confusion.

[Apollos]

Thoughts being “too much” is quite the sensation.
I like making as many avenues by which to smooth out the “negativity & confusion”.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the flow of thoughts dear Nefertiti.
"Blind. Blind they are cursed with all their false care.
Care. Care. What is that?
Who am I? Who are you? What are we? "
The above lines. I did like. Thank you for sharing your amazing words and thoughts.
Coyote

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for your kind words and review!! :D

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[adichie]

Breathing in really does clear away the wreckage of the present which you describe so skillfully!

Rhymes. Rhymes they sway.
All the way into decay.
Forgotten and not to persuade.
Pursued. Pursued trust and confidence.
Only to meet lust and false credence.
Tears. Tears ran, ran unstoppable.
Reputation and repetition.
Ruined. Ruined like this nation.
Under God? Or under control?
Sly. Sly eyes turn.
They turn under pressure.
Fissure over to treasure.

These lines stay with me, but the entire write was excellent!!!

Shame on those sly eyes bent on ruin. Enough pairs of eyes, and you have the better part of a nation. Very well said. Amen, sister!!!

Deb

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Hahaaa!! Yes, I was hoping some one would find meaning in this. Thank you so much for the review and kind words! I truly do appreciate you. :D

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i took a few things away from this...thought about the politics in our country right now...and the politics in my state of mind...how the Beat poets wrote so aptly about the problems of the 60's and 70's and yet my mind seems a jostled wasteland right now...the words don't seem to come out as i want them to....
a writing disaster...and all those who once fought and died for freedom are crying in their graves watching what we are doing to ourselves now...and wondering if all their effort was for naught.

j.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you so much for the review. Once again I am intrigued by your interpretation. I am inclined to agree...it’s honestly a horrific time as we watch ourselves decline back in time. We should always strive for progress...not digression.

[JR]

I've been thinking along these lines lately. It seems maybe we're willing to give our trust too easily. I seem to have a lot of people in my life full of false care, and it seems maybe you do to. The broad language and open form of this allow your readers to apply their own perspective to give meaning to the images. You definitely use some powerful imagery... "Unheard from their graves, they rip at their chains. / Chains. Chains smother the damned." Chills. Good write.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for your review and insight.

However, I am unpleased to hear of the distrust you’re experiencing. My advice is to purge them and negativity and focus on yourself and those who actually trust you and care about you!!

Also, thank you for your kind words. I never thought any of my writings would give people chills haha.

[JR]

Working on it. Cutting distrustful people out is tough when you don't have that many people to start with lol.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Haha, I completely understand. Been there and done that. Hopefully all goes well!!

[genocide]

inhale and thinking about where I am and focusing in where I am at the moment that's what this poem is trying to say

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you very much for your review Genocide.

I do appreciate your interpretation of my poem!