Once upon a time.

A short on how people can easily persuade themselves of the world they live in. How we can create our own path..but it is our choice to either give up or to continue.

Once upon a time - Successfully quit.

Successfully spit - Spit to quit.

Quick to quit.

Once upon a time he was too quick to love. 

Too quick to hate.

Too quick to judge.

Unsuccessful thought process - There was no process.

There was nothing but a void.

Once upon a time there was light but the man was too quick to hate.

Too quick to love - Too quick to judge.

Successfully ruined.

By his own ‘once upon a time’ tale fail.

Once upon a time a man was too quick to quit.

Too quick to spit.

Not only on himself and others but on the world he created.

Once upon a time a man was too quick to contemplate suicide. 

His world no longer had light. 

It was in constant darkness. 

Once upon a time a man walked through a void.

Emptiness.

Too quick to turn an eye and squint against the smallest light.

Leaving everything behind. 

Letting it fade  into darkness.

Too quick to let himself drift off into the darkness -the fog.

Forever to be wrapped up in nothing.

Too quick to become nothing.

Once upon a time a man was too quick to call it quits.

No thought process. To quick to think. Impulse driven. 

Thus creating nothing. 

Being nothing.

Into nothing.

Once upon a time a man successfully quit.

Successfully spit - Spit to quit - Quick to quit

Author's Note

What do you think? If our words create future...how would yours turn out?

Reviews

[JR]

Your repetition gives this a lyric-quality, and it keeps your reader interested because of the callbacks to the earlier lines. Super effective and very enjoyable. Your word choice is excellent too... "Successfully ruined" is a great line, really gives the message to the overall piece. Permanent solution to a temporary problem...

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Awh, thank you!! I am very glad you enjoyed this. I have said this before but I'll say it again...I was a little nervous posting this one. Haha. But the feedback thus far has been good. Once again, thank you very much for your very intuitive insight and review!!!

[adichie]

What I loved about this piece, apart from the obvious flow, word choices, allegory and deep philosophy, was the rhythm. A simple storytelling pitch and timbre that a crowd can follow. Colour, in timing.

Sure hope you’re performing some of these fantastic writes, Ms Nefertiti. 💜

Deb

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Woooow, thank you so much Deb!! I appreciate your kind words and review. I was nervous when posting this one because I wasn’t sure if people would have gotten it or..stuck around to read the rest after the first few lines. Haha.

As for the performing aspect I would love to! Seriously LOVE too. But I haven’t found a place to do it. No where I found does open mic or poetry night. But I just moved so maybe I will find out soon. Haha.

[JJ Escobar]

I really liked the flow! It felt like it kept me on my toes with the change of pace. Although it sounds like a sad story for the man in the poem, I interpreted the writer's view as optimistic. The man missed out on a great opportunity.

To answer the other question, I would hope my future turns out better than I imagined. I try to keep an optimistic outlook for my future.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for your review and kind words JJ!!

I’m glad you liked it and I personally love your interpretation/view on it.

If you keep that mentality your future will be bright. We all can do a lot of things but it depends on mindset and if we have a student mentality. Even determination to get to “what’s next”. Speak your future into exenstence. Mentally see it and go for it.

Once again thanks for your review!