Bloody hell

April.1.1888
I apologize, I know I shouldn't have left you alone for so long in your time of need, but I just don't know how to explain it. I don't understand what I've discovered or what I've done; I'm a monster, but I'm better then how I was before, so I will attempt to explain the best I can.
The day after our plot was created towards revenge, it was raining harder than I've ever seen before; my darling I practically swam to that shop for you with a dagger hanging from my belt. The closer I got towards the shop the stronger the rage grew within me, once I was at the door I had no control over myself. All I could hear in my head was "Torture him,!make him suffer! torture him! make him suffer! . . . " Over and over again. I bruised my entire left side slamming myself against the door that he barricade from the inside to fight against the flood. It amazed me how he could hear me against all the rain slamming against the walls of his shop and blocking his view from the windows. He thought I was a poor civilian trapped in the weather trying; searching for someone to open their door for, so I  continued with my 'desperate plead' towards the door, until he opened it, and found me on the other side. At first he didn't recognize me, I was soaked, my face looked like it was melting from the skull. He let me in and gave me some dry clothes and a rag to dry me face, that is when he froze and my rage reappeared twice as strong within me.
I have to admit he put on quite a fight, but eventually I pinned him down with frustration. I tied him to a chair, and at that moment I decided that I would torture him; I did it for you.
I didn't know I was capable of it but I put on the fire hotter than it was before ignoring his screams as I heat the long thin metal rod. 
Once it was as red as blood itself I made a tunnel through his leg starting at the side of his knee and ending just above his ankle. It took me a while, I had to keep on reheating the rods tip. My darling he screamed so loud, pleaded for mercy; he feared me; he said
"If you have soul, you will kill me know."
But I didn't, I don't, London took that away from me a long time ago, when I was laughed at, humiliated. He kept on screaming out "Please! Please!"
but I did not listen. I couldn't, not after what he had done to you, once I made my tunnel I used the tip of the rod to melt through his right cheek, starting from the inside. Then he said that I needed him, that he was of great value and that he could help me escape from London, from this time line, but that's impossible, so I did to him what he did to you. I took the melted metal in a large steep spoon on his counter and poured it through the tunnel that I made in his leg. I kept on pouring  and using a thinner wire to shove up the bottom of the tunnel to break the cooled metal until the metal seeped all the way through the tunnel in his leg.
He had fainted of the pain, and I waited for him to wake up to me; being the first thing sees. I waited for good three hours.
Once he had woken up he had hoped it was a painful nightmare, but it wasn't. When he woke up he looked at his hand; skinned and the rest of his skin and blood on his lap. I found water and urine in two separate buckets, I was somewhat thirsty and drank in front of him, and then took the urine and poured it over his hands. To my surprise he was still awake after. so I cut a light slit over his stomach and carefully pulled out his intestines without damaging them. He fainted once more for an hour as I nurtured him until he woke up again. He spoke to me once more pleading and telling me that I was surely going to hell one day, along with my journal. so I took a thin piece of paper and lit it and placed it inside him right above his stomach, and  he was literally burning from the inside out. The amount of blood everywhere and the fire, his screams.  I was experiencing a bloody hell. 
I couldn't watch him burn, I had calmed down and thought about what I had discovered I was capable of. The smell of burning flesh then come to my realization. It was so strong that it could have been toxic. So I left to the farthest room from where he was burning, And you'll never believe what I've found. 
   

Author's Note

Sorry for the grammar