THE CANDY SHOP

A small story of my interpretation of a suicidal view

My mother often told me that green was the color of envy, she had told me that it was an emotion that I had to lock away until the day I managed to die. 

"Envy is the leader of curiosity, and curiosity is the fellow who skinned the cat alive until it died from the pain," is what she always whispered to me, when I said something wrong, or when I did something right, before I closed my eyes and escaped into a world of dreams. 
Inappropriate? Well that's a matter of opinion. A child will listen to its mother, and show loyalty and love; as a child of my mother, I did just that.  

Driven by nothing but the innocence of my heart I obeyed my mother's command, and ripped out that small gem of envy. Locking it away from myself, and giving the burden away for the world to handle without me, knowing that I would never see it again or yearn for something that belongs to someone else. 

No one understands the misery in the loss of that feeling; it took me too long to realize. 
Bad things feel good, doing bad things is the Candy Shop of relief to a half grown child. I've been to that Candy Shop a couple of times.  On the windows and walls are advertisements of the answers - a solution to every problem imaginable.

"Feeling bottled up? Take a blade, use the sharp edge to open the seal that holds your rage and pain captive."

"Don't think you're good enough? Take some pills guaranteed to take away your last pathetic breath."  

No matter how depressing it looked, with the blood-stained walls, anyone who came through those crooked doors smiled for the first time in years, because they know that its finally over . . .  The abuse, the failure, the lies, the hopelessness - it's all seconds from finally going away. 

The Candy Shop is never the right answer, but it is an answer, and it's the easiest of them all; it's easier than the right way. . . the path to make everything better, shoveling the piles of dissatisfaction, pain, regret, heartbreak, loss, guilt - yourself.
If I shovel all of it, that means I have to look at it all again. Why look at it all again when I can just close my eyes and fall to the Candy Shop and say goodbye?

Author's Note

Just another thought that I want to share with you all.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like how you think. The use of the candy shop made the words understandable and true.
"The Candy Shop is never the right answer, but it is an answer, and it's the easiest of them all; it's easier than the right way. . . the path to make everything better, shoveling the piles of dissatisfaction, pain, regret, heartbreak, loss, guilt - yourself."
Life is hard. I learn after two brothers suicide to be kind and open ear for family and friends. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote