The Most Important Blog I've Ever Written

Straight off of myspace.

Before I go to sleep... before I take this cold medication to knock me out so I can wake up fine tomorrow (hopefully!)... I wanted to share something with everyone.

Life can be such a hassle and a pain sometimes. People won't treat you nicely and a lot of them have learned to mistrust. This is a common defense when you've been hurt.

When I walked outside and looked up at the sky- I started thinking. I started thinking about all the demons I've overcome and all the trials I had to get across just to get here. I honestly didn't think I was going to get this far. I didn't know what my life was for and I was so confused as to why I'm alive.

Many people look at me and judge me quickly. They were never there for the things I went through. They could never understand the way I think- and quite frankly, most people would rather judge someone then try to understand them, because it's easier that way.

Nobody likes pain. Nobody likes hurting- but each day people commit crimes and people do wrong against one another. It's a vicious cycle. Sometimes people feel they HAVE to do it. It's all they know and it's about survival for them.

Reflecting on myself tonight- I realized I could have been one of those people. I could have been one of those a******s that ruin things for everyone and hurts feelings. I could have been someone whom only cares about my own self-satisfaction. I could have taken it the easy way and just took from others without giving a single thing back.

But then I thought about all the people that saved me from that. The people who were my light in the darkness... and although many of them aren't directly involved with me anymore- the memory of what they've done for me will never fade.

I will always remember the times I was in the mental hospitals and I just abandoned all hope. I didn't want to go on living in such a world full of mundane and pain. I was hurting so badly... and no one treated me like a person. I turned into an animal. All I understood was pain. All I wanted to do was end it... I wanted to destroy EVERYTHING.

But then... I met those people. (Most likely YOU!)  People who told me that I was more than what the world had allowed me to be. People who told me I have something big coming for me and I was going to be an amazing person. I never saw the gifts and talents I had until those people helped me open up my eyes. Now I make music and write. I'm more confident then I ever was, and stronger than I would have been alone.

I changed... I changed for the better... I changed for the best.

But then I got lost again...
It's so easy to get lost in this world...
In this confusing reality where everything can be a competition.
Pain and disappointment feel like they're around every corner.
We learn fear. We fear failure... nobody wants to be a failure-
So many of us just give up before the hurting can start.
 
Lately- I've been selfish. Lately, I've been angry and discontent. I've been holding the biggest grudge against the world and human beings. Though the relationship with my parents is better, I still held a grudge toward them for being the reason I "Grew up so screwed up."

But tonight... I realized how selfish that was of me. I've been given another chance to live... and make things right- and I was straying down the path of complete darkness again.... how foolish... how very dumb.

If I did that- all those people who helped me... all of them who said I was going to be amazing... I'd be letting them down, wouldn't I?

So I decided... as I looked up at the several stars and the beautiful moon-
To live without regret anymore.
I want to be happy and I want everyone else to be happy too.
And although it is said that not everyone can be happy- and life has the delicate balance of the yin and the yang... (one person's happiness is another one's loss.)

I've made my decision. I will help others for the better.

It's a lot of work- and doing this can cause a person to feel so much pain...

But I know... when times get dark and painful...
I know when I feel abandoned and alone...
I know when I want to just cry and feel like life is nothing but a pitiful ball of sh*t....

That another angel (friend!) will come and pick me up.
A friend will intervene and help me to smile again.
This is why... I can never lose complete hope in mankind...

Because... even though people hurt each other and do wrongs...
There are people that will help you smile and carry you when you feel too weak to go on.

So before I die...

Before my soul gives out and I have nothing left...
And I know I have no choice but to give into death...

I will repay everyone for their kindness.
I will atone for my sins.
I will change the world.
For the better.
I VOW IT.

Let's help each other smile and learn to love once again...

Cause I know we're all tired of the pain and suffering. :)

From now on, let's live life to the fullest-
And let's forgive and never regret anymore.

Author's Note

Sorry about all the periods. I did that a lot back then. lol

Reviews

[Jazlean]

This made me cry.

I don't really know what to say. I have actually read something kind of simliar by a friend ya know. Never stop believing your words, gosh they are so full of honesty and this hope that I shall carry with me forever. Often we hold for ourselves the best advice, only we bury it deep and do not let it escape. but we must be true to ourselves, if we are not how can we be happy? with every beat of ones heart, as the blood pours through our veins, let it carry happieness, hopes, dreams, love and an understanding. The world is an odd place, it is far from perfect, but thats what life is all about. we cannot find a true happiness until we have felt pain.

I have often reflected on myself, and when my parents feel a apart I lost my faith in the world. Even a flower made me cry as I saw it were doomed. Then I got to my senses and found that everything wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be, my experiences are really better than you could ever ask for.

this is why I love writing, you can pour a soul on the page for everyone to see, you can effect those so far away, and even those yet to be born. Music too is that international language that can fill hearts and souls, make them dance, smile and cry. it is all about self expression. we often wonder who we are, who will miss us when we are gone, will we be remembered? there is this imortality in words, they last forever.

so my friend keep smiling, keep writing and singing and doing what you do best, being you. The world just wouldn't be write without people like you. and with every smile, with every word we all spread this light, that one day will be as bright as the sun, and there will be warmth and comfort for all, and the world will be differnt. never perfect, but just a little bit happier.

this made my day.

I hope yours is just as awesome.

~Jazlean

PS. I really need to get back into writing, and I do believe now I have the inspiration!

[Bubo]

Such a positive giving read, life is not easy and some mistakes can drive us down lonely roads, but you
realise this and turn to a positive change.......that is someone very giving and strong.........I hope
that strenght remains within you for a lifetime.
Very emotional and open to read.

[PhoeniX]

amazing! this was such a wonderful insight in your life. what an awesome insight to your life. I done know what else tonsay

[Wolfwind Words]

I'm sure that i can express the way your words made me feel inside...
A sense of wonderment like the first shooting star that i ever saw grace the heavens
Or The first Caffine high that i ever had...
This was absolutely incredible.
A work of words that can inspire and you're right "Let's help each other smile and learn to love once again...
"
Wow!

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Your piece contains a wonderful message and spirit to it.