Slack Jackson: a man, a pawn, a king of all things greasy

Two independent pieces from the same canon

Slack Jackson peered. A glance at his cuticle and he twitches. He wonders how long that cockroach had been sitting there, innocent little thing.
Oh lookie dear reader!
Slack grew up with fine upstanding parents. ((Real go-getters if ya asqes mui.) Pap owned the shoemaker, she who must not be named (with a flick of my wand that's how), the local drug lord.  With druggydrugdraggeddrudgery and complycomplycomplycomplycomply! (O my shining stars and body!) Fawthther was a gauwd fern Stanitist Satan lovedoveydover and Mawmuhma hailed other things that changed as often as fog sits over London. Smogone's busyness, needles to pin hehs stowmPing cushion grauownds regaled in the psychedelic. Everyanyone hwuu kneu Slack puhrazed hehs steadfastness, hardiharhardness. Thaht is except for "The Paw", who did not taketwothree to Slack's gleaming qualities. The Paw livvd somewhores from the Grossery Stored in a sleazy inn'n'out'n'inn'inn.            
Shhrrrhhhrrhhrrhhhrrhhrqck!
Fumble and battery:
-Haigh! exasperation
-Cughm ear, command
-Mawmuhma! complaint
-Ayei shed cughm ear, reconstitution
-Whatchew won Papapappa? Whose pants are they anyway?
-This, do you see the stain? accusation
-Haww cughm awn Papapappa, grovel
-Now. gavel
First the detergent (hot water helps it set) is applied. Then cold water comes. Slack has a knack for leaving the most disgusting reminders of his bodily functions.
-How Anneigh times will you do this?" rhetorical
-Bark," retardical
-That was not a word. logical
-Pawps eyeyeahve haddad tew less ann than ewesewall. justification
-Find another. implicative
Glumumleigh shuffveling bacqk Fawthther rereturned to hihs lamps and letters. Assimoved towards again hihs scrubuhdubing his courtly elegance intrudes.
-'Ave yuh fowned won? imploring
-Nawh, they's harduh tew cughm bytheby chum. A rise
-Fun, fun, rock and roll high school? aroused
Hurriedly, slack continued his scrubbing. The Paw would not tolerate waiting.  He counted the threads of linen in the carpet. He pondered. Thumbing his pant loops The Paw gazed at Slack's misshapen hands. He lacked restraint in the gratification of his various lusts. 

Stakeburger 

-Cracked ice. Forcefully
-What's that supposed to mean? Like wet garbage
-Just bring me three margaritas and six beers. Proposal
-Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Tremble
-Then I suppose you won't be needing this. Towards the important regions
Slamming through the turnstyle as gracefully as one-legged arthropods Slack took to handrails clumsily groping few handholds and swiftly assumed the staircase. He was not terribly alarmed by the direction of traffic.
-Watch where you're going f****t. Like a virgin
-Haugh! Abrupt
Because Slack had little tolerance for testosterone he violently violated the frizzly twentynothingtoshowfor year old one step at a time. Legs became yarn and Slack's arms became the needles, the belligerent coward would learn soon enough what crochet meant. At the bottom of the stares the most wholly of smiles fondled his prickly chin. And Slack lacked restraint in the gratification of his various lusts. 

Author's Note

Portmanteau