Said Invariable Archaic Narrative (The Same Old Story) Alternate Title: Earth Girls are Easy

A cautionary tale with a humorous twist--get out your dictionary!

 

Said Invariable Archaic Narrative (The Same Old Story)

Alternate title: Earth Girls are Easy

Alternate-alternative title: Interplanetary Designated Driver

 

         It commenced hitherto in precisely the tradition chronicled in tomes originating throughout innumerous elapsed epochs. Unequivocally reminiscent of their intrepid male ancestors of yore, said commemorate induction into maturity duo of untried but hearty man-lads embarked on an unmitigated arduous quest to acquire innovative escapades and embark on an eminently virtuous juncture. These vociferous man-lads endeavored to assort and chronicle said existence of foretold convivial and acquiescent faire-lasses in said solitary legendary methodology amassed man-lads comprehended�"massive festivity and presumptuous consumption of foul-fermented draft beverages. Before a significant measure of temporal displacement had elapsed and befitted with apposite and sufficient intoxication, said man-lads ascertained apposite faire-lass aspirations on this, their paramount superlative and certain fortuitous endeavor.

            In such obscurity of said daily nocturnal period and utilizing suitable wheeled conveyance contemporaneous of said age, aforementioned man-lads and said foretold brace of preferentially selected faire-lasses absconded said establishment of instilling cumulative intoxication to trace a divergent tranquil milieu. Said faire-lasses articulated veneration of man-lad’s possession of said substantially burnished and agreeably outfitted mode of conveyance and upon mounting within without more ado, culled a whence of melodious diversion by manipulating regulation of accessible harmonious broadcast. One man-lad swiftly succumbed to said scarlet-coiffed faire-lass’s enchantment and withdrew directly to such vacant abaft journeying compartment, and there said twosome commenced to partake in recreational performances of mutual adoration and corporeal gratification activities.

Nonetheless, in a diminutive abbreviated interlude, said primary maneuver employer of said conveyance who had imbibed such disproportionate enormity and diverse foul fermented beverage infusions by and by endured most certain inevitability by means of undergoing unpleasant gastronomical anguish and cerebral disorientation. Spontaneously manipulating said mode of transportation to contiguous thoroughfare artery periphery, employer of said conveyance impetuously disembarked and without further ado faltered to adjacent trough of roadway drainage where said man-lad instantaneously ensued to expel aforementioned massive measures of beforehand ingested liquids and foodstuffs.

            With inadequate forewarning or precursor, a conveyance of regional decree enforcement fiercely adorned with multihued illumination of sanction ceased forward motion in close proximity to said stern of said tormented man-lad’s conveyance. Said denizen therein scrutinized said man-lad in process of forcible corporal expulsion. Said upstanding constable of decree was most assuredly despondent in his contemplation of this observed episode extrapolative beheld by his persona and identified it analogous to such multitudes of bygone episodes and presently lamentably transpiring once more again�"said invariable archaic narrative.  Disembarking from said conveyance of decree, said constable donned his headdress of mandate, whilst his apparel’s lustrous accouterments spangled in aforesaid conveyance’s illumination in blinding, alternating crimson, pallid, and cerulean.

Said discharging man-lad was wholly cognizant of an indubitable culmination in such preexisting situation and glimpsed with perspicacious dreadfulness in undeviating orientation of said constable. Such man-lad envisaged corralling of his conveyance behindhand dead bolt and engaging mechanism, and certain fated likelihood negation of his endorsement to convey, subsequent such previously protracted and onerous exertion to procure said endorsement. Said constable disregarded aforementioned distressed youth and in supreme preeminence treaded en route to burnished conveyance’s glass pane enclosure. Appeased to ascertain said raven-coiffed faire-lass abaft manipulation devices of said conveyance, he beseeched authoritatively inquisitive upon her congenial countenance if she had imbibed copious foul fermented beverages. Pendulating her enigmatically garlanded cranium in absolute refutation, she bequeathed her conveyance endorsement to said constable, and avowed her individuality was said nominated non-imbibing persona for conveyance manipulation during this particular nocturnal episode.                                     

            In said interceding interval, said alternate man-lad and scarlet-coiffed faire-lass terminated their recreational performance of mutual adoration and corporal gratification activities and were conceivably assured their imminent temporal prospects were in dilemma. Consequent rigorous scrutiny of said faire-lass’s endorsement to convey, said constable ascertained and vocalized a conspicuous verity in said raven-haired faire-lass’s remote inhabitation likened to this provincial environment and straight off necessitated apposite documentation for said conveyance.

Aforementioned man-lad undergoing wretchedness lurched to said non-conveyance flank of said mode of conveyance, and avowed as mode’s proprietor designated customary documentation stowed therein said digit-protection compartment. Observing with skepticism said inebriated man-lad, said constable queried a propos man-lad’s manipulation of said conveyance subsequent to imbibing foul fermented beverages. Said raven-coiffed faire-lass supplicated in man-lad’s orientation and acquiesced in a miniscule comportment; said man-lad, wholly heartened by her espousal, acceded that he succumbed conveyance manipulation this nocturnal period, conceding engaging mechanism to said raven-haired faire-lass.

            Said uprighteous constable expelled disbelief, albeit nevertheless relinquished conveyance endorsement and advocated that this regional milieu upheld dissimilar decrees and said faire-lass was wholly obliged to suffer utmost maneuver vigilance and prudence. Said abundantly festooned constable then absconded, devoid of an adscititious utterance. With said constable’s exodus, said quadruplet youths heaved momentous breath expulsions of exculpation and fortuitous kismet.

Still, still, and all, said man-lads articulated incredulity toward said brace of faire-lasses for not denizen of this provincial environment, and subsequently queried faire-lasses of their domicile locale. Concomitantly, said faire-lasses elevated their lissome shoulders and articulated, “Earth�"whatever.”            

 

 

Author's Note

A little tough to read through i know, and it may lose a bit in translation.