Never The Same #64 Racing and Women Problems

Kirk had a slow start with girls and dating, but he had a fast start with stock car racing. Neither ever goes according to plan.

 

Cue: “I Won’t Back Down” https://youtu.be/5II-WnW9OJo?si=Gwt2B-VusD_nxao2

 

            Now that Kirk had made all the changes to his stock car that he could reasonably think of, his life went on. He had spent plenty of hard-earned money on getting his car ready for the stock car racing season and then the crash cost him more, and finally and more recently, his desire to get the maximum speed out of his car cost him more time and money. Can anyone say, “money pit?” With the results he had garnered so far this second season, Kirk indeed found himself more competitive by a large margin compared to last year, but he was not in any way going to smoke all his competition and become leader in the standings, no way. There were those top five or so front runners and of course that car made out of money which was far and away ahead of the rest of Kirk’s racing class. How’s it possible? It was beyond Kirk’s young expertise. After three racing weekends, Kirk accepted his fate of “also ran” with a Consolation Heat win once in a while.

            Those following Kirk’s story, you might wonder what became of Kirk’s attempt to fine tune his final gearing by changing out differentials twice a weekend, a real tough commitment to racing. Well, that idea sure didn’t reap the benefits he imagined so Kirk put the original gears in and ran both tracks with every weekend there on out. Unable to reach the peak horsepower power band of his engine at the shorter track Kirk did his best to compensate by staying high on the turns and doing his best not to lose any speed. This in essence made the track a bit longer, but at the same time allowed his competitors to slip down low and get past him without any competitive elbowing for position. We know that Kirk collected plenty of points last season without placing hardly at all to end up well in the standings so learned as he did in other endeavors of his young life that showing up is always worth something no matter how minor the reward. And so it went out on the track in Kirk’s racing seasons.

            Off the track, Kirk had more time on his hands without rebuilding the car and the early efforts in trying to make it faster. Kirk and Sarah Elizabeth had been going together for about a year at this point in time. They got along quite well with dates on the low budget side. Sarah always joked that she was a cheap date. Kirk’s love life was covered in depth in earlier episodes, but we will revisit his romances briefly here.

            ***

            Other than the crush with the comely red head in junior high, Kirk’s love life, more or less, began with Babe in high school. Babe, a nickname given by Kirk which he called her by many mornings before he got enough courage to ask her name. She was a tall, beautiful brunette that Kirk had met through their joint love of racing. This was when Kirk only dreamt of racing. To put their relationship in a nutshell, Kirk remained terrified of taking the necessary steps in making Babe his girlfriend. In his eyes she was simply too beautiful with her feminine superpowers for insecure loser Kirk that made his head spin whenever he was near her.

            A longer story shorter, they became good friends always wishing he possessed more courage to make her his girl. So they hung out together and went to the races. On one chilly evening, he shivered in under dressing so she pulled his chilly hands inside her coat to which he innocently complied. Was her action innocent? Kirk always wondered… He spent hours on the phone with Babe doing most of the talking. Without her being a girlfriend in the romantic sense of the term, but a good friend, Kirk lost Babe to an older “suitor” who made her his with marriage in their future.  No doubt Babe was a keeper, but he didn’t even have the courage to put up a fight or even a word of dissent to keep her. He would only see Babe once again a very long, long time later.

                        Dee. A year after Babe, Dee became the love of Kirk’s life when he intercepted her in the gym hallway. Kirk had seen Dee before during the winter sports season, he on the wrestling team and Dee on the girls’ basketball team. One evening after practice and showering, Kirk ascended from the wrestling dungeon and there she was. Striding up beside her, he said “hi” and she said “hi” and he put his arm lightly around her waist. She didn’t protest or pull away, but surprisingly, she bent a little forward giggled and snorted. He was hooked. All alone in that hallway, they soon came to the congregation for the bus, the only after-school bus and separated. The bus was packed. He found the edge of a seat with friends, but there was Dee standing there appearing pretty as a picture. Instead of offering her the seat like a gentleman, he patted his knee and asked, “want to sit?” Surprisingly, she sat on his knee. 

            Well, Kirk still wasn’t overly brave with girls without any experience or tutoring so it went slow with Dee. He didn’t try to kiss her for a couple months and afterwards they couldn’t stop. They eventually became a couple unafraid to show their affection in school despite rules against it. He gave her his ring and they wore matching shirts. You’d think it was a match that would last, but when he was in college, she attained a wandering eye that Kirk was duly informed of. He sadly broke the relationship off, but he would be Never the Same after losing Dee. A broken heart is hard to get over, if ever. Kirk would see Dee a short time later in this Kirk’s biography timeline, and she would be pivotal in changing his life�"again.

            Farah. Away from home, brokenhearted Kirk spent his time in college not liking the small college town, where he lived, and the course itself without a girl to love. He had a room he rented at college where he was supposed to stay the entire period, but he soon found himself heading home most weekends. This was when he began “going with” Farah though they weren’t really a couple in the romantic sense. Farah was the younger sister of Kirk’s buddy’s girlfriend. She was older, definitely more adult than Dee. She was tall, slim and a redhead. Kirk had a thing about redheads though hadn’t pursued any redheaded relationships before Farah. This relationship remained a hit and miss friendship of sorts and didn’t blossom into anything promising. It wouldn’t last long, but we’ll see more of Farah later on as well.   

            Bonnie. The main reason Kirk didn’t stay with Farah was because of Bonnie. Bonnie was a year older than him, lived near the college town, and soon gave Kirk a reason to stick around for weekends. According to the guys in his college class, Bonnie had a reputation of sorts. She waitressed at a local diner and Kirk thought she was pretty, bohemian, and quiet. She didn’t give off vibes of having a reputation. They started going out, hanging out, he gave her his ring, and even took her home to meet his parents. Kirk came to the conclusion that she was a sweet girl and appealing to him, but when graduation rolled around, he asked for his ring back leaving her in the dust. He gave her an explanation that he wouldn’t be able to visit very often and wouldn’t be able to support her if they went the marriage route and so graciously, he gave her her freedom to date others. Kirk went back a couple months later to see if they could reconnect which didn’t go well.        

            Farah again. Kirk began seeing Farah again when he came back home full time. This time the relationship was a bit more serious though didn’t advance to giving her his ring and going steady. Farah had graduated from high school working as a nurse. Kirk thought Farah looked rather sexy in her white nurse’s uniform. They stuck together until Kirk ran across Sarah Elizabeth.

            Sarah Elizabeth. Sarah was the younger sister of one of Kirk’s drinking buddies. As mentioned recently, Sarah was a horse girl and her life revolved around horses with Kirk on the side. She liked things Kirk liked such as snowmobiling and working on cars. Their relationship began as sort of friends and developed into a friends with benefits relationship. In common, they had similar family situations where they grew up basically ignored by their respective parents so they grew up lonely and isolated as children and teens. Back to the couple’s interactions.

            Kirk and Sarah did a lot of driving about like trips to Canada.

            Looser than it is now, the border allowed you to basically come and go with an answer to the question if you wanted to declare anything purchased. Well, they went to Canada’s side of Niagara Falls to see the wax museum and the “better and bigger” falls.  Unsurprisingly, they were detained on the U.S. side of the border upon return. I mean really? Who could possibly suspect a scruffy twenty-year-old guy and a long-haired hippie chick riding in a pink and white van with multicolored squiggly lines on it? Yeah, right. The border agents searched the van for contraband, but of course, only found Kirk’s supply of firecrackers under his seat that he liked to light and throw out the window. So, the border agents took the fireworks and let the couple go.  

            Sarah accompanied Kirk to races during the first season and during that time she also went with him to the Humberstone Raceway in Canada.  Humberstone could be classified as an outlaw dirt track, and describing it as eternally muddy and crazy. Kirk thought his car would never survive the crazy Canadians with their smashed-up cars. With no guardrails, cars could slide out off the banked turn and come back on around the corner. Kirk loved the sliding sideways around those dirt turns just like his old days with a field car, but nudges, bumps and wrecks were often and more so, unpredictable. With Sarah watching from the pitiful stands, she said that she spent most of the time covering her eyes except for the time Kirk barreled right into a wreck and shot underneath a car’s back end as the car momentarily stood on its nose. A close call that he didn’t even see!

            As their relationship endured, Kirk often worried that they were getting too close, with her being a bit clingy, and the thought of marriage would bear down on him to a point where he’d take it out on her. Like during a winter storm when Sarah said something serious that set off Kirk’s alarm bells, so he locked the van’s doors and made like he was leaving without her. He stopped and started, teasing her until she got mad, gave him the finger, and started walking away. He stopped to let her in then. It remained tedious at those times.

***

            Back to the timeline and the weekend that wouldn’t end up all that well. It was summertime and Sarah E. had more horse events she had to attend instead of going to the races with Kirk. Sometimes he felt fortunate when she didn’t go along to the races and then again, livid at times because she didn’t go along to support him. You might say Kirk behaved “mercurially.”

            On one Saturday night race, Sarah told Kirk that  she was free to accompany him to the races. She explained that she wouldn’t be as lonely during the time Kirk raced and worked in the pits because she had made plans to meet her horse friends at the track. Kirk said that sounded great because he always hated leaving her alone in the spectator stands for such long periods of time. Jon didn’t go along that night, but Kirk and Sarah cruised the hour-long plus ride to the track where Sarah went on about riding expensive horses and dealing with hoity-toity rich girls who always got favorable treatment and training. 

            As they parted ways at the pit entrance, Kirk told Sarah he’d see her after his heat or heats if that happened. Kirk might, at this point, have become a bit cocky over his moderately successful performance on the track so far especially that track.

            Throughout Kirk’s life, he couldn’t claim to be moderately successful in anything despite trying hard in high school with track, wrestling, and cross-country. He became relatively successful in the fifth grade with him finishing close to the top of his class. That success was smashed to the bottom when they put him in the top class in which he failed miserably. “Okirkio” as they named him in Spanish doing poorly across the board. It didn’t help in Spanish class where his classmates chanted that the burro (a*s) was smarter than him.  Going from performing at the top then falling to the bottom when he almost failed going into junior high did nothing for his marginal self-esteem. 

            Yeah, so Kirk relished his moderate success in the one thing he had dreamed about since childhood. Checking out everything by eye and touch and then by running his car in practice, everything checked out fine for that night’s racing. When they posted the first heat grid, his heart fell because he was in it. So far, last season and this season, he had always started in the second heat which generally has fewer of the front runners in it. He had to wonder, am I now considered in the fast crowd? Can’t be because I won a couple consolation races, but yet to win a heat let alone the fast heat. He'd like to corner one of officials and ask them a whole list of questions of how and why they make their decisions, but he could never find one who wasn’t “too busy right now.” He sometimes wondered if they had it in for him because he was a rookie.

            Being in the fast, first heat just amplified his pre-race anxiety about getting out on the track that he constantly possessed. He always lost that sensation once the race started, but sometimes if he worried too much, he could become a nervous wreck. So, he started in the back half of the lineup which wasn’t a surprise, but his usual easily beaten competitors weren’t there. He sat there waiting amongst the moderate finishers with the cash car and frontrunners further up. He didn’t think he deserved to be there with them, but alas, there he was.

            After the dust settled, he ended up well out of the feature advancement bunch. Not a surprise for Kirk. He went back to his parking spot to wait until the consolation race, an unusual situation for him. As his time rolled around, he found himself stuck in the middle of the Consolation race a couple places behind an automatic advancement, so he’d have to fight a bit.  And fight he did because it seemed to him that the competition was faster, more close, evenly matched.  In the tight race, he pushed hard with some bumping, shoving, and swerving involved, but in the short race he made up three places advancing him to the feature. His head went instantly to the feature grid posting, wondering where he was going to start. He assumed close to the back.

            Kirk sat on a tire all by himself as he sipped a warm Coke he had purchased at his gas stop. The other class cars raced around the track in their own efforts to secure a spot in their feature, but Kirk barely noticed the noise and flashes of cars careening about. As several minutes passed, he wandered over to the posting board to see his feature line up. Along the way, he greeted a few of his competitors. As he approached the board, the official hung his class’s feature grid. Taking a deep breath, Kirk drew up closer accompanied by a couple of his competitors. He couldn’t believe it at first, but there on the sheet he sat in ninth place on the inside track. In the few times he actually made the feature, he never started in the top ten. Things looked up for racer boy Kirk!

            With his opportune starting spot front and center in his mind, he couldn’t sit down and relax. He tried to think of things he could adjust on his car for that extra edge, but nothing would come to mind, so he wandered, sitting down, getting up, wandering again. At least when Jon came along, Jon’s even-tempered presence cooled any kind of angst Kirk harbored in his mind. Soon enough though, Kirk thought it seemed way too long for his feature race announcement when it blared across the speakers. He already had his fire suit around the bottom half of his body so he just pulled it up, zipped and secured it at the cuffs. Inside his cockpit, his fingers fumbled with his helmet strap. Slowly and awkwardly, he secured his five-point harness. He sat a moment contemplating a possible top five finish that night. He had the power, handling, and his experience? Well, for a rookie he has plenty of experience. He fired off the engine and headed to the entry gate. Despite his qualms, he readied himself for another oval track feature race fray.

            Kirk hadn’t actually raced many features, but he had watched plenty. Not the same watching by any means. Kirk saw both types of feature starts, those where the drivers just stick to the grid for a couple laps before attempting passes and then those races where as soon as the green flag drops it’s every man for himself with the pedals to the metal. On the pace lap, Kirk thought about this and hoped for the former not the latter, but he tried to be ready for whatever may happen as a driver should always undertake.

            White flag. Then, green flag. Instantly, the race car field accelerated and stretched out. Kirk tried his best to stay right on the bumper of the red car in front of him. To Kirk, this race seemed faster, more intense than ever. Maybe it was his anticipation because of his starting position and maybe it just felt that way, maybe it was faster. The driver beside him pushed really hard and tried to better Kirk on a couple laps, but he held his own and kept his place. A few more laps didn’t change anything, then, yellow flag! They slowed and fell into a single file as required. Coming around he saw one car on the guardrail, one in the infield looking crippled. Both slower cars Kirk recognized from the back of the pack. The track cleanup and tow truck crews did their efficient thing and the track was cleared in two laps as they cruised around. Kirk scoffed with a grin watching the front runners do their swerving to warm their tires up. Even though Kirk had done the same, he really didn’t believe it helped so he kept his position close behind the red car that he was determined to take.  

            In short order, the white flag flew, then the green and so they were off again. Kirk felt a bit more confident on the restart being in a single file that makes it harder to be passed, but also harder to pass. He thought that maybe a hard push from him on the restart would be an unexpected attack. Pressing hard through the first and second turns, he felt the rear tires slide a bit, but Kirk kept the pressure on the red car being right on his bumper in the straight. With a quick move, he dropped low mid straight not allowing the red car driver to block him. He got his front wheels beside him, then they were going neck and neck. The hairs on Kirk’s neck stood up because he headed into the turn hot and lower than usual making the turn tighter than usual. He gripped the wheel hard and with steely eyes looked where he wanted to go. Almost fully past the other car into the turn, Kirk knew he had him just before… The rear slid out sending Kirk into a quick slide and a fast spin! Bang! His rear hit the other car and for a split second he faced the wrong way. With another loop he headed for the infield, and he steered right in narrowly missing those cars behind him that bore down. Hitting the grass and dirt hard, he went sideways until he gained control. With a glance on the track, he floored it to get back into the fray, but now he was last!

            Not wanting to be passed by the cash car and the other front runners, Kirk got up to speed quite quickly. He had no clue to how many laps remained with the wreck and pace laps, so he decided to press on, though probably not as hard as before his spin out. Despite concentrating in making up lost time, he kicked himself for his scoffing and subsequent obvious error in his ways: cool tires on the restart’s first lap. Dummy! Live and learn.

            Kirk had nearly an open track so he drove high and wide. He passed a crippled car probably from the earlier wreck like it was standing still: it almost was. As he gained on the trailing car still competitive his heart dropped when he saw the front runners bearing down in his rear view. He could still push for a while, but then the white flag flew. He just hoped he wouldn’t be passed by the cash car. He got by the trailing car rather well and just as the front runners came up behind him they got the checkered flag. Kirk finished second to last on his final fast lap with no gains then dropping through the exit gate with another letdown under his belt or so it seemed to him. What a bummer!

            Kirk cruised back to the trailer and drove right up on it. By himself, he always had to be careful to hit the trailer straight on, pull up, shut it down, and leave it gear. He sat there in his cockpit for a few minutes before carefully crawling out. He got out of his firesuit and cinched down the car to the trailer. Sitting in the open doors of the van, he silently reflected on his conceivable best feature finish that only ended in near disaster. He should have realized such things happen in the course of stock car racing but right then, he blindly solely focused on the negative. After a while, he thought he should go to the spectator stands. After the ride in, Kirk wasn’t feeling all that contented with Sarah and now she had hung with her horse friends during his races. He steeled himself with guarded expectation.

            He wandered through the pits around the end of the track as the Chargers raced around and got admitted to the spectator area. As he strolled down the aisle, he didn’t pay any attention to the races going on wholly lost within himself. He suddenly heard Sarah call his name, he stopped and saw her wave for him. As he stepped up in the stands, him watching his feet on the steps, he heard, “Hey Kirk, maybe you should get a horse!” followed by girls laughing. He didn’t know who said it, but he saw Sarah laughing along with the other girls. The one thing that always really hit Kirk hard in the confidence department was girls laughing at him. This probably stemmed from his failure in Spanish class and then his failure in wrestling when the cheerleaders made fun of him. Without a word, Kirk turned around and stepped down from the stands.

            “Oh, come on Kirk. We were just kidding. Don’t go away mad.” Then, the only thing playing in his head was the usual following insulting line, “just go away.” He still heard laughing.

            With no emotion, he kept walking back to the pits. Sarah came running up to catch up with him.

            “Sorry that was said up there. They had too much to drink.”

            “You can just hang out with them because I’m leaving.” Kirk said heatedly.

            His face burned with anger as he went through the gate where she couldn’t follow. Just once in a while, Kirk would have an outburst like that and often regret it later, but it sure wasn’t later.

            “What am I supposed to do?” Sarah shouted to him.

            Kirk didn’t even bother answering.

            Kirk got everything checked out on the car and trailer and put his tools away. Not to be careless in his anger, he backed out especially careful with stock cars running back and forth through the pits. He slowly motored out through the pit gate. Sarah came running up to the side of the van shouting his name and saying that he couldn’t leave her there, but he didn’t look. He didn’t slow down. He looked in his sideview mirror and saw Sarah giving him double middle fingers.

            Kirk, in his own mind, would never live that night down, but it turned him in a new direction. He would be Never the Same.