Never the Same IC#34 The Crazy Days of Kirk Fu Manchu

Feeling the Buzz! Seeing Pink!

 

Kirk sported a Fu Manchu mustache from the days he could grow one in high school. He didn’t particularly idolize anyone on  TV or in the movies who wore one of these distinctive mustaches, but he started and kept up with it. For mustache aficionados, his ‘stache wasn’t technically a Fu Manchu, but rather a “Biker” Mustache. I’m not getting into technicalities, but Kirk liked his look and wore his when getting his stock car driver profile picture wearing a tie-dye t-shirt and engineer’s cap while appearing sort of dour. Not exactly a tough racer exemplification. Whatever. Moving on…

Kirk experienced a few close calls throughout his life. There was the incident as a primary school student waiting for the bus. It proved a bad idea to run about on the nice new smooth pavement. It might have been fun, young Kirk feeling free running out there on his fast Ked sneakers but not right in front of an oncoming car! What a rush!

How about driving a tractor in the fields during a thunderstorm? Yeah, his head was the highest object out there and he had a very good connection through the iron tractor right to the ground with the drawn hay equipment. Kirk didn’t want to be out there and in a low depressive mood hoping for a quick strike to the head. Obviously, it didn’t happen. Apparently, Kirk had to live for many more important and exciting things yet to occur in his life! Interesting, you say?

So far during the racing season after Mike crashed his car in the Mid-Season Championship, the weather turned lousy not thunderstorm lousy but steady rainy lousy. Kirk liked to walk in the rain wearing a rain coat with his head in the clouds, or at least his eyes watching the clouds. Hmmm. Anyway, Kirk looked forward to the championship race at Perry the following weekend, but that didn’t happen because of the rain. Well, there always were lots of things to do around the garage with Mike always working on cars for resale. Off and on Kirk felt guilty about all the advantages he had with the stock car and the facilities at Mike’s (his brother-in-law) garage. He helped Mike get his stock car back together which didn’t turn out all that bad with the two of them working at it.

Kirk expressed a bid of surprise with Mike’s answer to the banged in and ground down roofline where the car slid on the track. To say the least the nice metalflake paint job was literally destroyed on the car’s right side. Kirk expected Mike to lift the body so he could push out the dents, do some body fill work before repainting it to the original shiny appearance it had before the crash, but no, that’s not what happened. Mike mixed up some clear epoxy paint added a liberal pile of metal flake, mixed it all up and applied it with a brush. You can guess it didn’t look very good close up. Maybe it would look acceptably good enough fifty feet away (i.e., the distance the spectator stands from the track.) Kirk wondered why Mike had given up on keeping up the pristine appearance. Perhaps it was the fact that he wasn’t a top three stock car driver in their class, perhaps it was the constant problem of oil leaking, or maybe he just lost the enthusiasm for racing. Kirk sure wasn’t a threat in races or points to Mike even though his gratifying point standing probably kept him engaged in racing.

Shifting gears, so to speak, safety was not Kirk’s middle name. He was subjected to the cartoon safety films in high school shop, Vo-Tech classes and then in college Diesel School. Primitive Pete demonstrated to the students how not to use tools the correct way like making sure sizes and tool conditions were correct and by not using damaged tools that could result in injuries. Sure, Kirk watched the films, but he’d be the first to use a tool improperly such as using a screwdriver as a chisel or using a socket to hammer out a pin. You get the picture of misbehavior.

Kirk had plenty of incidents with welding equipment like brazing sheet metal with tall open top boots. He had to kick his boots off a few times when the molten braze fell into his boot and ended up on his instep. Yeah, he had scars on BOTH feet! Anyway, most of the safety precautions he learned about welding came from mistakes like the brazing incidents.

So, as stated the weather was lousy, rainy non-stop everything was soaking wet outside. Mike mentioned that the exhaust muffler was hanging down because the brackets on the frame broken off. In one of his helpful moods, Kirk thought he’d fix the problem. Well, the truck was too big to fit in the garage and besides, it was filled up with two stock cars. Can’t get those race cars wet! Kirk squirmed on the wet ground underneath the truck to survey the exhaust situation his back getting soaked, but in his helpful mood, Kirk didn’t mind. The brackets had rusted and broken off. This is easy thought Kirk. He found some suitable metal and fabricated replacement brackets. Easy peasy!

Kirk clamped the brackets in place with sizable vise grips. Kirk went and dragged the arc welder closer to the truck. (Arc welders use 220 volts with upwards to 180 amps. Hot stuff!)  He clamped the ground cable to the bumper which is connected directly to the frame so the connection should be good. Adjusting the welder to 120 amps, Kirk threw the welding tip under the truck along with gloves and his helmet. Squirming under the truck, he positioned himself in a way that the big sparks would not hit him because the brackets hang above him. In the meantime, the rain continued to fall down through the crannies of the truck. Kirk cursed a little when he found his gloves had gotten wet. He shrugged it off. He picked up the welding tip by the handle and hmmm, he could feel a little buzz down his arm and into his back on the wet ground. Nothing to worry about�"much. He struck an arc and commenced to welding. Once in a while a spark would land on his arm or chest but they were small sparks and he shrugged off the short-lived pain. Kirk wasn’t the best welder and because this was basically an overhead vertical weld his welding didn’t look all the great, but it’d hold the not so heavy exhaust system. He moved on to the other bracket by squirming further down under the length of the truck.

Striking the arc, Kirk commenced to welding still ignoring the little electrical buzz in his arm and back. All of a sudden, a big hot spark flew onto Kirk’s neck. With his free hand, he went to swat it off, but being rather uncoordinated he knocked the welding tip out of his other hand. The hot welding rod instantly fell on his shoulder, it burned through his shirt and made contact with his damp bare skin. Whether he reacted to the burn or the electricity, Kirk convulsed with a jerk as the electricity went from his shoulder straight to his back to the ground. His heart did a massive jump before Kirk whipped the welding tip away. He laid there with a burn on his shoulder and back with his heart doing a few palpitations before leveling out at a high pulse. The welder just sat there happily buzzing away, undeterred by Kirk’s wounded condition.

Kirk had just defibrillated himself! He wasn’t the same after that, he would have never been the same if he had killed himself, but he had learned a small valuable lesson. After recuperating with a calmer heart and a little more sense, he got a creeper and even though it wouldn’t roll in the dirt driveway, he knew that he wouldn’t be directly grounded on the wet ground anymore. He told Mike what had happened showing off his burns, but Mike only chuckled. I guess you could chuckle considering the obviously dumb things Kirk did and lived through!

Kirk figured that the lousy weather couldn’t hang around forever, so racing would continue�"sooner or later. In the meantime, he prepared to paint his van. Remember this was in the days when anyone could paint a vehicle if they had the skills and the gumption. And remember that the lights and glass were already masked off and with rolls of quarter inch masking tape he artfully made an endless line on the upper panels on the van. Right at the moment the van didn’t look so great. Covered in medium gray primer except those upper panels with the endless line were painted in splotches of shiny red and blue, the van stood ready for a cover coat. And that’s how it looked, but the vision of what it might look like inspired Kirk. He took off to the paint shop to get his favorite color in his favorite brand of paint.

Well. Even though it had been a scant three years since the brightest colors imaginable appeared on Chrysler Rallye cars like the hot Challengers and Barracudas, a couple of those bright colors went out of favor pretty quickly by the way. Two of the very brightest colors were Panther Pink and Plum Crazy. Even though the colors made the hot cars look hotter the colors didn’t catch on much except with Kirk and a few hard cores. The Baja Bug he drove during his college days was Panther Pink with pure mixing white accents. Kirk thought his van would look great with that same color scheme, so he went down to the shop, thinking he had a lot to cover with his van bought a gallon and a quart of paint along with a gallon of thinner and other painting supplies like funnel filters and stir sticks. There were formulas that you could follow by square footage of the vehicle, etc., but that being too difficult and time consuming Kirk guesstimated. He also bought two quarts of pure mixing white which is white with no other colors mixed in like production cars have. Like the Pink he bought wasn’t just red and white. It had blue, black, and unbelievably some yellow mixed in as well. How bizarre. His preferred paint brand was Ditzler which advertised the paint having silky throwback colors with a uniform low-gloss finish with a certain sinister intent. Whatever. Kirk had to agree the paint went on easy with a minimum threat of runs or orange-peel finish and the finished job did give a low-gloss finish but sinister? No, it looked fun and sporty!   

As the weather improved, Kirk worked up his courage to “shoot” his van. He didn’t garner a single doubt that it would not look good in pink though he harbored a real fear about his task of revealing the endless line. Could be literally sticky unpeeling all that tape after being painted over. Could be tearing. Could be an endless disaster with a total erase after the fact, but Kirk straightened his back, fortified his resolve and prepared. Preparing the garage, he sprayed the floor with water and laid wet rags all along the bottoms of the doors. Don’t want any dust whispering in. Using a sticky tack rag, he carefully and meticulously wiped every square inch of the van’s surface. Taking a deep breath, he peeled up the lid on his Panther Pink paint. It was mostly pink with a few streaks of red, white, and blue. Patriotic for the moment. He thoroughly stirred it until it was smooth and entirely pink. He cracked open the thinner can and took in the intoxicating fumes. He opened the spray gun, placed a filter funnel in it and dumped in some pink followed with about the same amount of thinner. He stirred it up and eyed how the liquid ran off the stick not too thick, not too thin. There are instruments to check the paint’s viscosity or precise measuring techniques, but he learned to paint from Mister Kinkle, the big black happy automotive body instructor from Vo-tech and also from Mike. Kirk deemed it a bit thin so added a dash of paint and restirred. He donned his breathing mask and positioned a stepladder alongside the van being careful not to touch the van’s side. Putting the gun together, he sprayed a bit on the wall of the garage that had various swathes of colors from past trials. Waving the gun back and forth like an automated oscillating fan, Kirk sprayed a block on the wall. He eyed the paint with an analytical eye. The paint covered everything that had come before with no runs or orange peel. Kirk steeled himself as it was time to put paint to van!

Climbing the step ladder being mindful of dragging the air hose up with him. He draped the hose up his arm and around his neck holding on the hose behind him with the other hand. He knew the proper way to paint was to do panels front to back, up to down or right to left but in this case in painting the roof there was no way to reach his way across the expanse of the van. He began in the front but could only reach halfway across while maintaining the spray gun’s correct distance and angle. Taking a trembly breath, he waved the gun back and forth without pulling the trigger just to get the rhythmic motion. He poised over the front center of the masked off windshield; he pulled the trigger and moved the gun smoothly and steadily. Over the grey primer that covered the whole van (except those red and blue splotches) the Panther Pink sprayed on like liquid velvet appearing like Barbie’s Dreamhouse pink contrasting vividly against the grey. Kirk thought it appeared too pinky, but he recalled that the paint deepens in color as it cures.

Continuing to work smoothly, he realized that he could not pause so he pressed on. Finishing that section of the roof that he could reach with out leaning on the van or falling off the ladder, he stepped down from the ladder. In his rush, the hose got between his legs and he almost tripped. Fumbling, yet careful not to bump the van he moved the ladder toward the back. Up he went and repeated the process. For a third time he finished the back half. He moved around to the right-side front and doing that block he expressed relief to himself that the halves blended together in the middle despite the other side had been drying for a few minutes. He knew the time drew near, but as soon as he got started, the spray began to skip. Out of paint. A quart of mixed paint gone. He experienced a brief thrill of impending disaster as if he was going to run out of paint. Can’t do anything about it now, he thought as he hurriedly mixed up another quart. He went back to it. When he finished the roof, he stepped around the van to lay on a nice heavy coat long the drip rail so there’d be a clean transition from the roof to the sides.

The roof had gone easier because it’s flat and horizontal so it was nearly impossible to get a run, but the back doors vertically would be the first challenge so better screw up on the back and not front! He began on the back doors and halfway done; he ran out of paint again. He really wanted to finish in a hurry, but he reminded himself to be mindful of paint/thinner viscosity and to make sure it remained clean and mixed well. Finishing the back doors, he eyed the whole back area. Just as smooth and silky as could be, but from experience he knew that sags could develop after he turned his back. He refilled the gun.

Going from the back to the front, he did the door posts first and ensuring a smooth coat across the highly visible front end, he worked back and forth by taking a step or two from side to side. The pink really covered the old drab grey completely and smoothly. Nearly done with the front, he refilled again. Half a gallon gone; he still had both entire sides to go! There were no side windows on the cargo section so there was that much more surface to paint. Just to make sure both the gallon and the quart of paint were mixed identically, he opened the quart and dumped it in with the gallon and briskly mixed it. Usually, with automated paint mixers the paint shops had made this possibility highly unlikely but his brother-in-law Mike instilled in the need to just make sure the paint was all blended.

Moving to the driver’s side he did the door itself with just a little overlap behind. Through the mask, Kirk took a deep breath. Starting at the top door edge, he sprayed down the van’s length just above the endless line area. His thoughts spun about covering the endless line: Spray it lighter? Spray it heavier? Or maintain the present coverage? As lined up he opted for the latter. He tried to maintain his form, but he realized going over the endless line that his arm was getting tired. He pressed on with attention to overlapping the rear area that he had painted earlier. He worked down the side before the gun started skipping again with a refill required. Continuing on, he sprayed closer to the bottom without squatting down and so didn’t maintain his perpendicular orientation that he had tried to ensure so far. This meant the top of the spray went on closer than the bottom which meant it went on thicker and sure enough behind the rear wheel he got a sag. He wanted to kick himself; no time for that! He moved to the other side and repeated the process. With half of that side to go, he refilled. There was less than a quart remaining@! He couldn’t believe that he would run out of paint. Well, worse things can happen; he pressed on. Almost finished, but he had to refill again. Luckily, he had enough paint to finish with maybe a pint of mix left in the gun. He dumped that into the quart can, popped on the lid and cleaned the spray equipment. He noticed that he had plenty of pink paint on his hands and his previously plaid flannel shirt now had a pinky cast to it.

Well, there it was, his pink van! Other than the sag on the other side bottom, the job was perfect. Now for the really stressful part. He couldn’t decide to hurry and get it done or let the paint dry longer meaning harder. That was a question he should have asked the experts before painting. Committed, Kirk went to it.

“It” meant peeling all that quarter-inch masking tape of the endless line to reveal the red and blue hiding beneath. The job would be long and tedious. Starting at the top front where he had started and ended putting the tape on, he used a fingernail to peel up a sticky end. Careful not to touch the new paint with fingers or body, he slowly pulled the tape straight out from the surface. He proceeded really slowly not knowing if it would be a disaster or not.

Following the tape lines across and down and then across and up, he pulled pieces of the tape off. Some places gave Kirk the willies because the paint beside the tape began to lift off with the tape. When it looked like a problem might occur with the paint peeling up, he used a straight-edge razor to slice the paint at the tape’s edge. Undoubtedly, after all the painting, it would be a very long night that he’d rather spend with Sarah Elizabeth who he had to shake out of his thoughts to concentrate. He continued working along deliberately and ever so cautiously. Working along and eyeing up all those lines, he realized it would be a veeerrrrrry looonnnng night, but he needed to do it before the paint hardened completely�"or should he wait? He wasn’t sure, so he pressed on with “it” until midnight. Yeah, there were a few pulls on the pint, but the red and blue endless line turned out like Kirk had envisioned�"more or less.   

Well, you probably said that that’s enough of that painting stuff so glad it’s all done now. No, it wasn’t all done.  A couple days later Kirk, armed with lots of regular three-quarter inch tape and a week’s worth supply of newspapers, started a massive masking undertaking. Masking off almost the entire pink van, remembering the windows and lights were already masked, Kirk prepared to paint white stripes on the raised panels that naturally begged for two-tone striping.

After a thorough and complete masking, Kirk performed the preparation actions to paint. The pure-white stripes girdled the van in a six-inch horizonal stripe with a smaller up-shooting stripe behind the doors. Now, the van looked complete and Kirk for once was pleased with himself. The bright white stripes contrasted with the now darker pink perfectly and the red and blue endless line gave it a custom appearance. Sometimes a plan comes to perfect fruition for Kirk.  He couldn’t be more pleased the way the van turned out. Now he could get the van road ready and slap some plates on it. Though thinking, Kirk understood he needed to do more to the van, but there was racing to be done.