Ghost therepy

“You think I’m slightly insane, don’t you?” said James with a bitter smile as he tried to get into a more comfortable position as he laid on the recliner and failing utterly. It wasn’t that the chair was uncomfortable; it was that he wasn’t really touching it.

       “Certainly not,” no I think, “you’re just under a bit of,” you’re hideously, “stress,” insane, said and thought the psychiatrist - who liked to be called Mike, but only by his patients, (by his wife he preferred to be called Dr Roberts, on the weekend and birthdays) - with a carefully constructed kindly smile that he reserved only for his most distressed patients.

       James rubbed his temples and silently cursed to himself. He was sick of his condition; especially when people spoke one thing while thinking another. It often made it hard to work out the words and could bring about a rather painful migraine after prolonged exposure. He only counted his blessings at the thought that he didn’t spend to much time with politicians. His head may well have exploded.

       “So,” said Mike. “You’re dead then?”

       James sighed. “Yes Mike, I’m dead. I am officially a member of the vast majority.” Mike smiled.

       “But James,” he said, “surely you accept that you can’t possibly be dead. I mean, if you are dead you are in remarkably good condition. You’re walking and talking for one. Surely that must mean you can’t possibly be dead.” Mike looked rather pleased at this argument; although a two year old could probably have spotted the same flaw.

       “You mean the whole walking and talking thing?” said James with a sigh. “Trust me, that has nothing to do with life. I am dead. I walk through walls. I can become invisible. I can even read people’s thoughts - none of the ghost stories I ever read said that I would be able to do that - and I don’t walk, I just…float. I’m not even laying on this settee. I’m not in this room. I am currently buried five miles away - six feet down - in a rather nice, though rather wasted mahogany coffin. For lets face it, I’m not going to get any benefit out of it am I?”

       “You say you can walk through walls?” asked Mike. James merely gave a shrug and nodded, “and read minds?” James gave another nod.

       “Can it be any wall or do you have trouble walking through ones with lead based paint?” said Mike with a smile.

       “I’m not Superghost Mike,” said James with a sigh and a rather angry look at the good doctor “I can walk through any wall.”

       “Well I would certainly like a demonstration,” he said indicating one of the walls covered in horrible wallpaper. James for the first time looked a bit embarrassed.

       “Erm…I can’t,” he said looking sheepish.

       “I thought you said you could walk through any wall. Don’t be afraid of intruding on anyone on the other side. I assure you it is only the janitor’s room and nothing interesting happens there.” Except between me and my secretary at the Christmas party, Mike smiled. Though whether he did to give reassurance to James or whether he was thinking back over his night with the secretary James wasn’t sure. Seeing as how Mike wasn’t being very reassuring and the secretary was certainly no beauty it was practically a toss up.

       “No I mean I can’t when there are, you know…live ones around.”

       “Live ones?” asked Mike.

       “The Living,” explained James then added “you.”

       “Ah, I see.”

       “No, you don’t, in fact you don’t see at all. Mostly because I can’t even see.” James didn’t like being patronized when he was living and he certainly wasn’t going to be now that he was dead, especially not by some jumped up overpaid social worker like Mike. “I don’t know why but we - the dead - can’t, I have spoken to other ghosts about it and some people think it’s because we still think we have bodies when live ones are watching or maybe we’re just not allowed to for some reason. Either way we can’t do it. We can’t float when live ones are about either…we can still read minds though.”

       “Oh well that too is easy enough to test, tell me what I’m thinking right now,” again with a confident smile.

       “Well again it’s none too reliable that…gift. We can’t just turn it on and off, it kinda happens without us being able to control it howe-”

       “Ah I see,” interrupted Mike again with that infuriating confident smile. James ignored the interruption as if there hadn’t been one.

       “However, I heard you thinking that you thought I was “hideously insane” and that you got it on with the secretary at the Christmas party.”

       James was rather impressed at the lack of reaction he got out of Mike. The confident smile on his face stayed where it was although James thought he had never seen a confident smile look less confident. It seemed to have frozen where it was and the rest of his face seemed to radiate panic. It was like looking at a rather confusing Picasso painting.

      “Very…clever…er…James” said Mike, a trickle of sweat running down his brow, “you must have…overheard some gossip…some completely groundless gossip I mean to say. And, you must have guessed - incorrectly of course - that I thought you were…what was it again? Hideously insane, was it? Well of course I don’t think that. Oh and look at that. I think that’s our time is up,” although James hadn’t seen him even glance at the clock, the doctor was visibly scared now. “So you can go and I don’t think we need make any more appointments. And, erm…seeing as how, we only had the one appointment I don’t think I should need to charge you for the time. So, yes please just see yourself out. I’m feeling a little, erm…tired.”

       Mike put his forehead on the table and tried to think clearly. He can’t read minds. NO one can read minds. He must have heard something. No he can’t have because we agreed not to say anything to ANYBODY and…well…ok it wasn’t hard to guess what I really thought about his mentality but…no I’m sure I didn’t let on…there MUST be a reason, MUST BE!

       “Hold on to that thought,” said James’s. Mike’s head shot up but no one was there. He hadn’t even heard the door open and close.

Reviews

[Emily Quinn]

haha I really like this, I love the collected attitude of James and the smug, arogance of Mike. Well developed characters and undertones of humour. Even in the beginning when your merely thinking James is indeed a little insane, you cant help but rute for him to take the smile off of the doctors face, great job.

[THERISA]

An interesting take on a patient/counsellor relationship. Or should i say, ghost/counsellor relationship. Often wondered what goes through the counsellor's mind during a session. Are they making polite noises, when their minds are lost in deep thoughts about something. Wishing the session, would end. Poor James, hope he finds the resolution which he's looking for. Thank you for this very novel and entertaining short story.