The Three Sisters McDuff

Based on the children's fairy story, three billy goats gruff, the three sisters McDuff must try to cross Loch Ness, outwitting Nessie the Loch Ness Monster.

Drizzle trickled over the rotting hulls of scuppered vessels littering Loch Ness’s shallower waters; hidden from the casual observer by thick mist. A cormorant landed on the protruding tip of a splintered plank, once part of a passenger deck, now a preening spot for hapless, wing-weary travellers. 

 

As was his habit, Nessie barbequed the unfortunate bird using one exhale of his dragon’s breath. Then, extending a clawed wing, scooped sizzling remains into his mouth.  He did all this without moving from his usual spot; reclined against the toll gate on the Loch Ness Bridge. Nessie chewed, while his red eyes cut the gloom to track three approaching, brightly cloaked and dainty figures.

“Well, well, the orphan sisters McDuff.  What do you want?” Nessie asked.

“Eh, we’re heading to the big southern markets,” Morag McDuff replied apprehensively, trying not to fiddle with the curls at the ends of her golden hair.  

Morag’s sisters, Showrag and Dohrag, with curls to rival Morag’s, gazed longingly beyond Nessie, at bright neon shop signs on the far bank. They hid frustration at Nessie’s bridge providing the only access to the retail mecca.

“I see,” Nessie thought. “Well, it’s 300 Euro to pass.”

“300 Euro…” the sisters, Showrag, Dohrag and Morag repeated, feeling ripped off.

“Each.” Nessie nodded, plucking at food leftovers between his upper fangs.

“…each?”  The sisters gasped, looking from Nessie’s fangs to the 100 Euro in Morag’s hand.  

Morag realised the pointlessness in trying to negotiate a lower fee; avaricious loan-sharks considered Nessie coveted money to an unnatural extent.  Instead, Morag removed the tarpaulin from the Sisters’ wooden cart, to reveal carefully crafted handbags, crowned with compressed, polished heather clasps. 

“Please Nessie, visiting southern markets is the only way we’ll grow our ‘Heather Handbags’ business. Is there NOTHING else we can offer?” Morag begged. 

Nessie stretched his long neck, towering over the sisters. He could see the bags were beautiful, like little works of art.  Sensing the opportunity for amusement at the desperate sisters’ expense, and without warning, Nessie jerked his enormous head into Morag’s face. 

 

Alarmed, Showrag and Dohrag stepped back, behind their sister.  

Morag’s eyes squeezed shut.  She could feel the menace as the tip of Nessie’s upper lip touched her nose.  His heat burned her skin.  Morag’s heart thudded. She feared the same fate as the barbequed cormorant.

“I tell you what…you three can cross, if… mmm… Showrag there disguises herself. She’ll need to fool me into thinking she’s someone else,” Nessie suggested.

Nessie shifted his bulk towards Showrag, exhaling lightly in her ear. Showrag’s untethered fear pulsed rampantly through her body, interfering with normal muscle control. Crying quietly, Showrag reached forward to grasp Morag’s comforting, outstretched hand.  Nessie grinned, releasing his snake tongue to lick the warm puddle at Showrag’s feet.

Morag loved her sisters, but realised Showrag lacked the skills to fool Nessie, and so, gritting her teeth, asked, “What if that doesn’t work? We still need to get to the other side.”

“What? Admitting defeat? Tell you what. If Dohrag, here, can come up with a rhyme that AMUSES me, you can pass”, Nessie sneered.

Morag and Showrag believed Dohrag to be a skilled handbag maker, but knew their sister to be as useless as sand in the desert at writing.  

Morag, swallowing hard to muster a final few scraps of courage, said “And what if that doesn’t work?…em, eh, what about I …surprise you?”

“Yes! Surprise me, DO! ...Well?  What are you waiting for? On your way! Go on, hop it!” Nessie dismissed the sisters.

A ‘win-win’. Silly little girls will entertain me with attempts to fool, amuse and surprise, AND, they’ll pay 900 Euro crossing fee anyway, Nessie thought.

Some days later, a fearful Showrag, now disguised, made her way towards Nessie.

“You’ll never fool me, idiot girl.” Nessie mocked.

The instant Nessie foiled her disguise, Showrag fled, full speed, home to Morag and Dohrag.

Nessie smirked, watching her go, slavering at the mouth.

“I’ve let you down!” Showrag wept, removing wig, beret and false moustache.

“No you haven’t! That’s the bravest thing ever!” Morag and Dohrag exclaimed, hugging Showrag.

After Showrag’s failure, Dohrag spent weeks developing a rhyme to amuse Nessie. Finally, flanked by Showrag and Morag, Dohrag readied herself to launch her verses.

“Begin!” Nessie ordered, leaning against his toll gate, watching an anxious Dohrag.

“There once was a monster called Nessie, who scared everyone, including Aunt Bessie. He built a bridge, charged lots to cross, which made him happy, because he was the boss.”  Dohrag, ended with a bow.

“And that is supposed to AMUSE is it?” Nessie snapped.

“Sorry.” A downhearted Dohrag said to her sisters. 

The three returned to their handbag factory for a meeting about Morag’s idea for Nessie’s big surprise.

Some months passed, leading Nessie to think the sisters had abandoned their final challenge.

“Are you sure?” Showrag whispered.

“Shush.  Keep the faith little sister.” Morag said.  She gently kissed both sisters goodbye, then shimmied off in her best evening shoes.

Showrag and Dohrag hunkered down, hiding in thick bushes with a natural vantage point over-looking Nessie’s toll gate.   

My, my, my, I could charge this wealthy looking human 500 Euro, Nessie thought as a mysterious figure " in fact a glamorously attired Morag - approached.

“Helloooo… NESSIE!” Morag exclaimed removing her silky headscarf and sexy dark glasses.

“MORAG MCDUFF.  Surprised to see…ARGH!” Nessie roared.

“A deal is a deal Nessie.  Free passage in exchange for surprising you.” Morag reminded Nessie, whilst beckoning her sisters from the bushes.

Nessie seethed about being duped, but his overwhelming sense was that these devilishly clever sisters were bound to make lots of money from their handbag business.  He wanted a slice.  I must do a deal, NOW, Nessie thought.

Following his conversation with the McDuff sisters, Nessie signed a contract. He greedily agreed that, in return for a share of Heather Handbags profits, he would transfer the bridge to the people, and leave Loch Ness.  

From then on, all enjoyed free passage across the Loch Ness Bridge. As for Nessie the Loch Ness Monster?  He was never seen again.