The Place Where Lovers Meet

A Story by Natalie Wardle

Romance & witchcraft in the Welsh valleys

I was awoken around 7:40am, by a dog barking outside shortly followed by the sound of mum’s shouting “get your lazy arse up, you’re only got an hour to get to the train station an if you don’t go now, you’re going to have to make your own way there do you understand? You’ve made Katie late for Scouts enough as it is.”

“Alright mum shut-up going on at me. Your voice is so annoying!” I sleepily retorted. I didn’t know what she was stressing about, but she always did this, making up the time to be 20 minutes later than it actually was, so I could never lie in before school. Anyway, I already packed my Black Puma bag ready to go as she wouldn’t stop nagging till I did.

It was agreed, she would drive me from Crawley all the way to Victoria Station. Where I would then catch the train to Nan’s house in Wales - to a little old run down mining town called Wrexham, and stay with her for the remainder of the Summer, she was to make sure I would study with no distractions, and the air was supposedly good for me as I was too sickly pale my parents said, from all that ‘sitting in my room listening to Radiohead, feeling sorry for myself.’

In reality it was a really good excuse to fob me off to my Nan, and stop me arguing with my annoying younger sister. Who is just so sickeningly happy as a person, I really have never worked out how we come from the same womb. Wrexham is a shithole no-body remembers anymore, since its mining glory days ended. No decent shops, just a lot of crackheads with nothing to do, and the only famous people to come out of there was a sacked Blue Peter presenter, and a disgraced Police Chief outed for being a sex abuser �" so not much to boast about for the town’s people really.

As we hoped into the car on that crisp, sunny morning, hunching protectively over my luggage bag, I realised this was the longest I’d ever stayed away from home by myself, and for a moment I felt a slight pang of fear, but then as my sister started moaning something about turning the radio louder because Christina Aguilera’s ‘I Am Beautiful’ was playing, I realised anything was an improvement away from this halfwit.

I let out a sigh of relief, as we drove past the foreboding iron gates of my locked-up school, knowing I would not have to see Lianne Blackburn’s spiteful face, for quite a few merciful weeks yet. Yes this break would be just what I needed.

I arrived at Grandma Bertha’s house gone 3pm, after a monotonous journey, only nullified by copious amounts of Cherry Cola, plus an obligatory copy of 17 magazine (all the ‘experienced’ girls in my year already started reading it months ago).

After unpacking and changing into my ‘Princess’ night-dress left-out for me, Nana called me downstairs for TV chicken dinner - Coronation Street was on. I feigned excitement, however soon made my leave, complaining of tiredness. This was not far from the truth, as I settled into my crisp white floral sheets I nodded off into the deepest of sleeps. It did not last long, as I was rudely awoken by the sound of a gate being slammed, followed by staggering footsteps.

I jumped and ran towards the window, my bare feet landing on the cool linoleum. I tweaked back the net, and my eyes were drawn to the fake Tudor house opposite, most visible due to its neglected exterior. I could just about make out a shadowy figure, a willowy dark haired boy - hunched across the door rustling a pair of keys. His defined, hollow features were vaguely visible amongst the shroud of darkness. Then as quickly as he appeared he was gone, I wanted to know more.

Finding it impossible to continue sleeping from such excitement the night before, I tried to do a bit of revising. But it was useless - there was no way I was ever going to concentrate on these numbers. Instead I threw on my sneakers, and headed out for a run as I often did. There was no better way to clear the thoughts from my head. “You be careful, there’s some right dodgy characters round here” “I will Nan I retorted-briskly kissing her cheek as I bolted out the front door.

No sooner had I exited the pathway, and descended up the grass tracked hill did I see the same figure I had seen the night before, in front of me holding a pit-bull terrier tightly by its leash. I slowed my pace down not to over-take him, my heart accelerated.

As his dog sensed my scent I leapt back, the mysterious boy clocked me, giving me a short curt nod, as he tossed back his side fringe from under his black Bullet for my Valentine hoodie. No sooner had I nodded back, did his dog leap towards me, perhaps sensing my fear- I froze on the spot. “Aye he’s alright, he won’t hurt you.”

The shadowy soft faced boy said in his lyrical, Welsh drawl. “Oh I’m not scared.” I said immediately, lying of course. “Ha ha, well you look it! He’s just sussing you out. Who are you in anyway? Never seen you round here before.”

“Oh I’m not from here, I’m visiting my nan, she lives over there” I said pointing vaguely behind me, in an awkward manner.

“Ah! The little old lady that’s always complaining about my dog pooping on her lawn? I know the one!” He said howling with laughter to himself.

I felt myself reddening with embarrassment, I was suddenly intimidated by this boy’s deep hazel eyes, his gaze penetrating through me it seemed.

“Erm, maybe” was the only response I could muster, annoyed my grandma had to be so cringe all the time.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s cool - gives me a laugh, more than most of the folk say to me round here. So tell me �" what’s your name?

“Rose, but people call me Rosie” I said relaxing a little, but averting his eyes still.

“Like the wild flowers on the valley” he muttered with a dreamy, dazed expression.”

“Ha I guess, what’s yours?” I said distracted by his strange manner.

“Jack. So, tell me Flower Girl, would you like to join me for a crack of one of these?” He said with a side grin, producing a four pack of K Cider, hidden from behind his sleeves.

I felt overcome by the alluring energy of this boy, tingling all over, but suddenly I realised what I must look in my drab attire, greasy hair thrown off my face, with only mascara strewn across it.

“Erm I’d really like to, but I promised my nan I’d be back in a minute-just popped out.”

“No problem” he said struggling his shoulders, as his expression turned back to furrowed, half waving as he turned his shoulder “see you around”, he says.

“Can we maybe we could make it later?” I said calling after him in a panic.

“You got it,” he said spinning around, I’ll be back here again when it starts to get dark, take her on her evening walk after dinnertime around 6 like. “Come on Milly, come on girl” he says slapping her on her side. “Nice to meet you Flowergirl” He said saluting me with a cheeky half grin again, which made me feel all warm inside. Then he descended down the hill behind me in a flash and was gone.

I felt like I’d imagined it all, I mean, well I’d often imagined what love at first sight was like. I usually thought this occurred on a daily basis for me on my way to school, but… this was different somehow, real. A beautiful, cool emo boy talking to me? So real, it couldn’t be real. I decided I must have exaggerated it all in my head, as I reached the top of the hill, paused for a moment taking in the morning dew air, and the flurry of stream below me to my right. The row of detached houses hazily marked out in the distance. I started my descent towards home, scolding myself for being a deluded fool as usual. Lianne and the rest of her gang were right-no boy would ever fancy me. I was too weird, and disgusting.

So as dinnertime came, I began to rush out no sooner had I started eating the egg and chips Grandma Bertha, had made. “Oh look here - what you doing? You’ve left all that! Now don’t be a silly girl! There’s nothing of you. You need to get some meat on you, you’re still growing �" you’ve got to keep healthy and strong! And have you started that revising yet? Your mum called up asking me earlier. “

“Yes grandma I’m just not that hungry, cover the rest for me later and I’ll call her when I get back from the shops.” I said, briskly kissing her on her downy, rouged cheek.

“Make sure you do, and do that coat up, that skirt is too short”

She said in dismay surveying my unusually considered attire. I quickly turned the latch of the door open and made my escape.

“And be careful, watch the road… Remember green 4 pint of milk - a pound will cover it.” The weather was unusually breezy for a Summer’s evening. Looking at my watch I realised I only had 5 mins I dashed to the cornershop, and picked up the first green pint I could find, I hurriedly tapped my foot as I waited for the moustached man at the till to produce the 52p change. I caught a glimpse in the window of my wind-blown Auburn dyed hair - now almost down to my waist and smoothed it down ferociously with my hair brush. I thought my tinted dark lipgloss, black laced vest and kilted mini skirt matched nicely with my DM boots, despite being shrouded by my sensible black school coat (now undone).

“Here you are sweetheart,” the man at the counter said with an amused stare following by the exchange of coins in my hand.

“Thankyou I said” sneaking one of the Chomp bars on display in my open handbag as I left. Deciding there was no time I broke out into a run, then slowed my pace as I saw the figure already proceeding up the hill again.

This time he was wearing a leather black mac on top of his hoodie, and bother boots. In fact he looked rather an intimidating figure to a pyjama wearing chav, what with his pit-bull terrier adorned in its studded collar stood loyally by his side.

As he saw me approach, his doe eyes light up. “You showed,” he said seeming surprised. I shrugged my shoulders. “Here wanna can?” he said shoving one in my hand, before I had a chance to answer.

“Alright” I said whilst cupping it in my arms as I caught it. I know a good spot over there” he said, pointing near the cliff edge in the distant view. “I don’t like heights I said, plus I can’t stay long. I told my nan I was just popping out to the shops.”

“Tell her you got lost. What’s the worst that can happen? Come on boy!” He said marching ahead with his dog. Reticently I followed. The sun was just beginning to set behind the clouds. Suddenly the boy stopped and sat down on the cliff, with his knees perched over the cliff-edge.

“I can’t go that near, I’m fine over here.” I said, shaking my head. Sitting down cross-legged, he twisted around, “Why?” Standing up, you scared you gonna fall over? He said leaning by the edge, pretending to lose his footing, then laughing as his beer, splashed on me. “Sorry, I’m only joking you know.” He said, sitting down next to me on the long blades of grass, leaning in close-swallowing a mouthful of beer. “Why did you agree to meet me tonight flower girl?” “I was bored I guess, like I say I can’t stay long…” Taking a small sip from the horrible tasting drink, I shook my head anxiously looking down at the ground. “Oh really, so that’s the only reason? You broke my heart flower girl!” He said melo-dramatically grabbing the left-side of his chest. Then putting his arm around me he said “well are you glad you came now?” Before I had a chance to answer his dog ferociously wedged itself between us, carrying the soggy bone in between its lethal jaws, jolting me back to reality. “Oh s**t it’s almost half past - look I better go! I exclaimed looking at my red Baby G watch. “Sorry, thanks for the beer!” I added as an afterthought. “What you on about?” He said crestfallen again. “You can’t leave, you only just got here! Oh scared what grandma’s gonna do?!” This time mocking me with a faux down turned mouth. “Fine, I’ll be keeping this then.” He said jokingly grabbing my plastic bag containing the milk, lying back down on the turf, holding it tightly to his chest with his feet crossed at the ankles. “Stop it! Give it back, I don’t have enough money to buy more!” I retorted in a panic. “Aw poor Gypsy Flower Girl, she don’t have enough to buy a pint of milk! You’ll have to fight me for it won’t you!” He responded smugly. I dropped to my knees to make a grab for it, as Millie jumped up and down, excitedly bating us on. As I did so, Jack swift as lightening grabbed me by my exposed waist as my belly top rolled up, and manoeuvred himself on top of me.

Startled I froze suddenly, as his hot breath and generously proportioned lips lingered inches from my face, his almond shaped eyes sinking into mine, he pinned my arms down to the ground leaving me defenceless. “I won. If you want your milk back, you gotta kiss me.” He said softly, waiting for my next move. Hesitating, I lifted my head off the ground so our lips would meet. Wet and gentle, our mouths pressed against each other’s. Starting off slow, our kiss intensely built until his tongue parted my lips, and as he pressed his chest against mine, I begun to feel tingles all over. I realised I couldn’t let him carry on, parting my mouth from his I said “Jack please stop, I need to go now okay?” Not answering for a moment, his face creased in an expression of exulation, his eyes returned to their usual sombre state. “F**k sorry, you just really turn me on.” He responded, scratching his fingers into the dirt either side of me, then flinging himself off me to the right of the ground. “Just give me a moment…” he replied cupping his hands to the groin of his skinny black jeans, knelt in foetal position.

Grabbing the bag as quick as I could, I jumped to my feet to leave. Hesitating, I glanced back as the Rottweiler circled around him barking sharply, as he grabbed the bone and threw it as far as he could… the dog galloped away into the distance after its target. “Jack, are you gonna be okay? I said worried, as he nodded vehemently. “Right well… I’m gonna go now. Will I see you again?” My heart began to accelerate in pace, suddenly feeling angered as he made no sound. “Fine! I’ll take that as a no then.” I said buttoning up my coat about to turn to leave. “I do want to see you again, of course I do!” He muttered, craning his head to look up at me with his tender, angst stare. “Oh well… when?” Hesitating, he said “erm day after tomorrow? I’d like to take you down to the stream down there he nodded to over the hill. Where the wild lavenders grow, I’d like to pick them for you.” So taken aback was I by this touching gesture, I felt compelled to grab him again once more, but thinking of what my grandma was going to say, and worst still whether she’d called my mum and tell her I was missing, I refrained myself “I’d really like that. Shall I give you my nan’s house number in case-oh no wait I don’t have paper and pen... I’ve got lipstick in my bag though…” I said pondering “Well come over here and draw it on me then Rosey Posey.” “Okay…” I said smirking, dropping my shopping back down again, and reaching into my black tousled leather pouch, strapped over my left shoulder. Resting upwards on his arms now, I knelt down and lifted up his black hooded sleeve, revealing a series of small scratch like cuts, and an inked dagger and heart motif tattoo above this.

“Oh, you cut yourself?” I asked gazing up at him as I held my lipstick above his arm. “Sometimes - not lately though, only when I feel really down. I hate myself sometimes to be honest… but I don’t really wanna talk about it. I’m not cool like you Rosie… Don’t you like me anymore now?” He said sadly dropping his gaze from mine looking to one side. Hesitating for a moment, I ran my palm over his arm “What do you mean? I’m not cool! I replied in surprise. “No I do, I just feel sad for you I guess. I don’t know why you wouldn’t like yourself, from what I see I like you.” I responded shyly as I turned to scrawl my nan’s number onto his arm. Finishing it I turned to kiss him on the cheek.

He turned around and our faces were inches away from each other’s once more. “Do you really mean what you said Rosie? That means a lot. There’s something about you, I dunno there’s just this beauty about you.” Kissing him on the cheek, my face was blushing “thanks no one has ever said that to me before. I, I better be going… “F**k everyone. Ah don’t leave me all alone. Well I’ll call you tomorrow night at 6pm. Goodbye my flower girl, me and Millie are gonna stay here and pick daisies for you until your back.”

“Haha okay I said blowing him a kiss as turned back and began the descent down the hill, as his dog tailed after me eventually heeding his master’s call. Then his waves could be seen no more as the peak shrouded him from site. I couldn’t wait to tell my grandma about the boy I met, she’d been asking me for months if I’d been “courting any yet” this would be enough to give her a heart attack if she knew the truth. Laughing to myself I skipped home, feeling almost weightless as though I was walking on air with exulation. This is like what I watched on my So Called Life, a beautiful boy liked me! Wow this must be how Claire Danes feels, I thought as I reached the front door. Fidgeting for my keys then closing it gently behind me, resting my head on it and closing my eyes embracing the feeling of euphoria. Screeched to a sudden halt by the sound of my nan’s shouting. “Rosie I’ve worried bloody sick, I was just about to go out to look for you. What happened to you have you got my milk?!” “Don’t worry nan I’m fine. Yeah here you go.” I said throwing the bag on the floor, making a run for it up the stairs, I stopped at the top of stairs and said “I met a boy nan” “A boy?” she replied her eyes wide with surprise. “Yep and he’s lovely.” Leaving her on that cliffhanger I closed my bedroom door behind me knowing I would not be left alone for long, but still I savoured this blissful moment resting my head against the pillow. Suddenly as predicted I opened my eyes to see my grandma shuffling towards my bed. “Look young lady, you can ignore me all you like, but while you were floozing around with some hoodie. Your mother called she’s worried sick. I told her you were missing you’d better ring her back right away.” The dream was over, for now.

He stumbled as he walked taking the weight of me on his broad shoulders turning the corner of the fake tudor style surburbian houses, a few more lights already switched on as a result of the commotion. I was terrified nan’s neighbour was gonna catch me through his nets. He looked such a stiff, luckily she was a heavy sleeper. But somehow we made it past the revealing glare of the lamp post into the welcomed shroud of night. As we approached the shabby forboding house on the end surrounded by weeds, the door was kicked in and the Victorian windows clearly hadn’t been washed in decades. “That’s my house that. You wanna stop off and get some bevvies to warm us up, eh? My dad is always pissed he won’t care.’’ He said dropping me off his back to the ground once more. “Yeah alright then.’’ I said relaxed, but secretly my stomach was flipping, this was the first time I’d ever been alone with a boy in his before. Following him in, as he unlocked the door, the first thing I noticed was the smell of dogs, and stale cigarettes. Beer cans and coke bottles were strewn across the doorway of the lounge as we passed. Putting his hands to his lips he whispered ‘’come let’s go upstairs.’’ Nodding his head motioning towards the bannister. As I followed him into his room, I was taken aback by walls that were painted completely in black. There was a wicca star symbol chalked on the chipped wooden floor-also painted black. An other gothic artefacts including posters of Count Dracula, and Marilyn Manson, melting skull candles and the books of Edgar Allan Poe.

“Let’s make it a bit more cosy shall we?” He said sweetly in his gallic accent, lighting the candles with a match. “So you know I fancy the pants off you, Daisy don’t you? That’s why I had to see you tonight. I didn’t get a chance to say this earlier, but I think you’re f*****g gorgeous. I haven’t stopped thinking about you all day. None of the other girls round ‘ere are like you, full of f*****g townies-why I stopped going to school made my life a nightmare. I ended up in hospital ate a whole cake of weed, I almost died. This girl at school I was going out with, she dumped me because all of her friends said I was too weird. She wasn’t who I thought she was.

‘’That’s why dad gave up on forcing me after that, and mum well she’s gone.’’

Pausing for a moment. ‘’But you-you’re different. There’s something special about you. You’ve got very bewitching eyes you know. Think you put a spell on me’’ He said breaking into a grin, revealing his slightly uneven front teeth, which seemed oddly endearing to me. Then sitting to join me on the collapsing, purple two seater sofa, he put his arm around me. “So tell me Daisy have you met many boys like me back in London?’’ He said intensely. ‘’No, not really I go to a girls school, I’ve just finished GCSEs I don’t like it either. I said avoiding his intense gaze self-consciously. ‘’Well couldn’t you not go?’’ ‘’Oh I have to my mum really wants me to do well.’’ ‘’And what do you want to do?’’ ‘’Me? Oh I don’t know I…’’ ‘’Shhh’’ he said as his sexy died black fringe fell across his right eye ‘’Don’t think about the future, just think about the now “I’d really like to be your boy right now, if you let me.’’ He said, his lips parting mine again this time he put his hands under my top into the bare flesh of my back, unhooking my bra, as he slipped his tongue deep and forcefully into my mouth. Startled I pulled back ‘’Jack, I really like you too, I do but I’m just not sure if I’m ready for that.’’ ‘’It’s alright it’s alright, I understand I would never wanna do it until you’re ready that will be a big turn on for me. He said leaning into gently kiss me under my earlobe and around my neck. Then slowly drawing himself back he shook his head saying ‘’you just need to give me a moment here turning away adjusting his jeans. ‘‘Can you pass me one of those cans’’ motioning he said the pile stocked up by his black fender guitar. ‘’ Sure I said throwing him one and sitting a little further back from him this time. ‘’Why don’t we play a game he said?’’ ‘’You ever play ouji before?’’ ‘’No, my mum always tells me not to get involved with that kind of thing.’’ Suddenly at this he cracked up laughing ‘’what black voodoo magic haha? Don’t think so, come it’s fun’’ he said, flipping over the board, motioning the glass to the centre. He said is anyone there that wishes to speak to us?’’ ‘’Anyone at all?’’ There was a long silence, then suddenly the glass moved slowly scratching the letters one by one, d-e-a-t-h. The letters spelt death. I started telling him not to make jokes like that. But stopped when I saw how pale and serious his face had become. ‘’I didn’t do anything it must have been you!’’ ‘’Oh don’t be silly’’ Trying again he said ‘’what does this message mean, can you please spell out what this means, who is this for?’’ Nothing. After a long pause he snapped at me wildly turning stare at me in the eyes. ‘’Fine, if you wanna play a joke on me.’’ ‘’I swear I wasn’t I’’ I retorted helplessly. ‘’Okay I believe, you it’s just something like that has never happened before when I done it that’s all. Maybe we should meetup another time he said drawing away from me, his voice quiet and subdued again, and arms where directing me towards the door. ‘’Wait have I upset you? Look it honestly wasn’t me, it’s just us playing tricks on ourselves, wind or something I dunno, anyway let’s not talk about it, it creeps me out! I hope we can still meet tomorrow because I’d really like that.’’ Turning towards me again, his flash of anger gone replaced by a softness in his gaze once more. He caressed my shoulders and said ‘’sorry I’m being a bloody idiot, dragging you here then being silly, whatever it was it couldn’t have been that, we read it wrong that’s all. I know it means good luck with the tarot cards. Yes I’d really like to take you to beach tomorrow when the sunsets. There’s a cliff I go to with Milly sometimes not too far from here. We could make a bonfire would you like that?’’

Leading me to the front door he kissed me sweetly on the lips and I walked the way home feeling strange oddly elated, but weirdly foreboding about what happened earlier.

The next day true to his word he picked me up around 4 as I finished my ink sketches, mainly of him. My grandma told me to be careful not to end up like one of them girls around town, who hung around drinking with boys. I assured her was just taking me for a walk.

Then we met at the bus stop by the corner shop, and hoped on the 4pm bus with the annoying school girl townies with nothing to do… giving us stupid looks and giggling, but Jack didn’t care, he kept his earphones in as he shared one with me, we listened to Soundgarden Black Hole Sun blasting loudly. ‘’Ignore them’’ he said as he caught me returning their stare. I tried to so, yet I still managed to hear one of them whisper nearest me ‘’he he that’s Laura Davies’ ex, such a weirdo wouldn’t stop stalking her - whole of year 11 knows. No wonder he’s with that skank.’’ I felt so angry, but thought it better to not upset Jack, as it was our stop to leave anyway. So we jumped out and that was that. I still could feel their burning glances on my back, but I shook it off I was sick of letting cows like them win. At which point I was suddenly stuck by the beauty of the beach a short distance in front of us, as promised the sun was starting to set above the white chalky sands.

Bringing out the cider from his backpack, Jack then started collecting sticks on the beach. He laid a picnic blanket down and started the fire blazing the view of the clifftop was amazing. The evening had grown dark, with shades of blazened pink on the horizon. As our chatter of school and my life in London fell away, we sudden felt ourselves fall into a deep silence, as his hand slid around my waist.

I tilted my head on his strong shoulder. After a moment looking at the waves crashing on the shore I felt overcome by my sudden stirred emotion. I turned to look at his deep hazel eyes once more. ‘’Jack I’ve never felt this happy before.’’ ‘’Me an all, I think I’m falling in love with you flower girl.’’ Our lips met as my heart felt as though it was pulsating in my chest, as the copious amounts of cider he’d been passing me made my stomach swirl.

Then he started kissing me all over my neck and more passionately then before he puts hands underneath the back of my black t-shirt an unhooked my bra… One thing led to another, just as I was about to push him away, he grabbed my hand tightly and pulled it behind me. He then put his hands inside my trousers and began gently rubbing me increasing in pace… until he slowly led me to lying position on the floor.

He said ‘’You feel so ready baby. Oh I wanna be inside you so bad… I have a condom ready. I was so drunk at this point I told him he could’’ so he slowly undid my jeans and pulled them off then as he wriggled on top me putting his leather coat over us, he separated my legs with his, adjusting himself with the condom under the coat. Then kissing my abdomen he worked his way up, and thrusted himself inside me and the warm intensity overcame me, and I almost seemed to lost consciousness for a few moments of deliriousness.

The moment felt so spiritual as we held each other’s gaze and he collapsed in my arms not long after letting out a cry. We didn’t say anything as he hugged my partly exposed chest. Then suddenly there appeared to be a sudden change in his face. As he separated himself from me, and pulled up his trousers again. As I tried to clean myself up drunkenly relieved to be off the hard ground as the begun to dig into my back… he appeared to be turning into a depression. ‘’Are you okay babe?’’ I said distractedly. He didn’t answer for a moment lost in thought. Walking towards the edge he said ‘’Don’t go it’s not fair, you’re gonna go to London and forget about me.’’ He said beginning to look angry he turned to me with a fire in his eyes once more. ‘’No I won’t.’’ I said defensively, confused by this turn in behaviour towards me and feeling the dampness of the blood from my groin area seep into my trousers uncomfortably. ‘’Stay with me here you could live with me’’he said wildly… ‘’I can’t I’ve got schoolwork’’ ‘’F**k school’’ ‘’Don’t you ever think it’s pointless’’ we’re all gonna die it’s all meaningless f**k it. ‘’We could just jump of this cliff right now’’ he said, walking towards to scare me his feet teetering dangerously close to the edge. No one would stop us? Would you do it Daisy he said daring me’’ ‘Don’t be silly’’ I said in a panic. ‘’I just care about you so much I might as well just kill myself in front of you, if you’re not gonna listen what do you care’’ he said drunkenly mumbling. I got nothing to live for. Not like you in your fancy London. I’m a wreck Daisy. I feel so fucked up. I’m gonna miss you Daisy’’ he said drunkenly turning back to face me, then as he walked he slipped on grass an fell backwards a look of sheer terror in his eyes dark wild eyes, his hand grabbed out for mine desperately. ‘’Help me! Help!!!!!!!’’ he screamed as he fell backwards plummeting to the edge of the water. I desperately ran over to catch his hand but his fingers just slipped through mine. As his terrified child like eyes widen in horror and absolute terror as I saw him slip below me into the darkness I heard his shout echo ‘’I love you!’’ followed by a loud smash on the rocks.

As I sit here writing this in my white stark, hospital room I am still haunted by his scream. I feel in some way this is him taunting me for not joining him, as I see his eyes watching me in my sleep beckoning me, furious again for leaving him.Yet perhaps the visions I have are made up in my mind and yet they feel so real. If only I’d been braver and stood nearer him he never would have fallen. I believe he is waiting for me there, and least he is in my dreams. I will have no rest until I have joined him. The sedation they force feed me with makes things easier. But the pain is just numbed. The only thing that I can bear to do is look at the lake outside my window.

I turn to leave my journal on my bed, touching the cold, stark white floor with my bare feet. Leaning against the window… I rest my elbows against the pane, as I watch the ripple of the water as the grey rain trickles into it one by one like pebble dash. My focus is directed suddenly on something white ledged on the pane, that has sailed in from the open slanted window above. I glance closer and suddenly realise it is a daisy. My heart seems to beat for this first time in three weeks since his death. I realise this is his sign to me. The one I have been waiting for. As he was warned of his death through the spirit that watched us in his room that night, I now know I have no choice. Soon I will return to place I left you my love.