Those Arms

Something different, tell me if this works

 

   She cautiously set foot on foreign ground

Delicate little toes buried deep within heaven’s sand 

Anticipating, the encounter awaiting

Just like fate had planned 

Always caring arms, open and inviting

Calling her long forgotten name

 

Scanning random faces

For a sign of a destiny, waiting

Wandering the carnival of mixed souls

Knowing exactly where to go

 

To those inviting arms, open and waiting

Luring her closer with preciously sweet rhymes

 

Body tired, running

Towards a long awaited release

Fighting her way through a humanly maize

Searching the corridors of no compromise

 

For promised arms, open and strong

Desiring to take away all the wrongs

 

Remembering dreaming

What his touch would be like

Being enfolded by promises

She only kept for sanity’s sake

 

The thought of those protective arms, continuously waiting  

Brought her here today

 

Acid burnt cheeks finally believed

That the end was near

The end to a lifetime of misery

Giving a wonderful meaning to a better day

 

As those awaiting arms, kept calling
Taunting tired chambers inside her mind


Faster and faster she went
Wiping out sacred scriptures in the sand
Then frantically calling
Desperately battling, body restraining

From those enticing arms, waiting seductively
Whispering on the way through the darkened night

Only to sorrowfully find
She had wandered from sand to no man’s land
Returning to a legacy
Long time planned.

 

 

  

Author's Note

Something different, tell me if this works
- Still needs some work I think -

Reviews

[Lee W. Deason]

It is new yes, but i think it's good.
I see growth in this direction will only prove to be fruitful.
Try using it not in only romance though, I think you will find some pleasant things will find their way through your muse. But then again it could just be a crap shoot cause we are simply talking in "Meta" aspect.
Yeah. :)
Good write though.

Fighting her way through a humanly maize

Searching the corridors of no compromise

�Lee�

[Nick Erickson]

I love how you so easily plunge into each piece, no matter how different a prose, and make it work so well.
The imagery in this is excellent :

"...toes buried deep within heaven's sand"

"...carnival of mixed souls"

"...acid burnt cheeks"

"Only to sorrowfully find
She had wandered from sand to no man's land"

The colors worked will with this piece, red for the supposed strength of the waiting arms, blue for the battle raging inside of you.

Natalie, what else can I say but, "Brilliant!" and thank you for sending it my way.

Well done!

[Jason Nuciola]

i love it

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is very interesting and i love it... the fighting of forbidden temptations until urges overflow and now you pay the price in misery and loneliness as a result... move the format, it added to the effects of what you were trying to say.

[Belle Morte]

I love it. It may not have woven the same message in my mind as you had entended, but think this poem is perfect the way it is. Excellent write Natalie. Great job and thank you for sending to me.

[Michael X]

natalie- i'd be lying if i said this poem didn't woww me with the depth you've expressed with specific
intent on delivering a powerful meaning that speaks on more than one level-what I enjoyed where
the metaphorical analysis projecting eternal romance.. in my humble opinion.. as well the form
is passionate and sculpted to justify the text, "those arms".. rembering dreams.. this writing speaks
in an emotionally charged way of surrendering.. abstract-- vivid--touching--Very ncely done
i was also really intrigued by the design itself..original and stands out..



Acid burnt cheeks finally believed
That the end was near
The end to a lifetime of misery
Giving a wonderful meaning to a better day

As those awaiting arms, kept calling
Taunting tired chambers inside her mind

[Treasaigh (The Solitar..]

Remembering dreaming

What his touch would be like

Being enfolded by promises

She only kept for sanity's sake
.........................................

Scanning random faces

For a sign of a destiny, waiting

Wandering the carnival of mixed souls

Knowing exactly where to go


I really love this=) You've done an excellent job with this piece=) I love your choice of words...the imagery in your writing is very unique=) Metaphorically beautiful=)

[Nicholas Hallows]

It definitely works.

Wiping out sacred scriptures in the sand - I loved this line.

This poem writes a story in my mind and I don't know whether it is the one you intended or not, but I like it.

Different is good.

NH

[Gary H]

This is a really clever idea, writing a joint piece with two parts of your mind. I like the constant distinction you have made between the two different parts - the contrast, in writing and colours, in also interesting.
'Wandering the carnival of mixed souls' is one of your great lines - surely a title of a future poem or many compilation?
Sand is great for imagery as you can easily sink into it.
Yes, I'm agreeing with all the other reviewers that this does work. Have sent you some suggestions, as you know, about maybe working more on it. This is very impressive. xxx

[Jessi]

Love it, its awsome I enjoyed reading it

[Robert Luna]

Very compelling drew me in right away and found that the story being told from one side was interesting as it allowed my own thoughts of what might be taking place in the background with a couple of key details given to allure your senses to dwell a bit in the idea of his scene taking place and you in a way becoming the character of the story itself. I enjoyed this alot and found refreshing and different. A break away from the norm.


Great Job!!!!!!