The Rising

Just playing ...

 

Darkened mistress of this hallowed night  

Raise your arms high

Summon the shadows

So the dead can come and play

 

Tonight, underneath this bloody moon

Lost souls drip from its dying gloom

As forgotten breaths floats away

Evaporating into her charcoal sky

 

Icy winds cut deep like tainted blades

From diminished mouths of the forsaken

Rattling tarnished bones

Of those who once stood in their way

 

Desolate beasts drag their feet

Erasing paths which lead to the light

Whilst angels comes alive

Frantically looking for those who have survived

 

Bashful cries shatter their minds

Tearing apart pieces of a pounding heart

Gleaming eyes vindictively scanning the plains

Making sure nothing remain as the undead becomes once more

 

Fangs, razor sharp pierce

Absent thoughts about a life above

As the underworld slowly awakens

Faithfully serving her unworthy cause

 

Dominating one

Needing to control all

With guilt stained hands, they grab

They pull you closer and closer to your doom

 

Addictive chanting poisoning voice of reason

Slowly infecting all logical thoughts

Like a viper in the darkened night

Viciously killing what was left of this life

 

 

Reviews

[Belle Morte]

This is a great horror peice. Excellent.

I did have some issues with some of your words though.

"Icy winds cuts deep like tainted blades"
This line would read better if you changed it to "cut".

"Frantically looking for those who has survived"
You have a tense problem in this sentence. "Has" should be "have".

Keep up the good work dear.

[pal]

Darkened mistress of this hallowed night
Raise your arms high
Summon the shadows
So the dead can come and play

very powerful. sharp and loaded words expressed.
great one.
pal

[These Haunted Hallways]

WoW! Now this was awesome! I liked how you made the howling night scene, and the deep, descriptive lives of these 'hands' that are now reaching to become alive again after so many years of being underground. The whole setting was so cool!!!

B.A.

[Dawn]

This is really good hun, made me shiver with dread..... I see on your profile your working on a book, you got anything of it to read.

Really like your work. Dawn

[Nicholas Hallows]

A very descriptive horror piece, and also fun to read. I also really like the picture you chose to use. The fact that you were 'just playing' must piss off other horror writers who can't do nearly as good a job :)

[Sr.phil]

i only understood one word from this piece.
nah! just messing.
really great work.
i kind freaked out while reading it, lol. I enjoyed it very much.
Good Job.
Sr.Phil

[Rachel Hays]

Wowie! You just knocked my socks off! Seriously...and my feet are cold now. Thanks. =) I'll tell you what line really sucked me in: "Tonight, underneath this bloody moon/Lost souls drip from its dying gloom" It not only has a great rhyme scheme in all of it darkness, but it's so vivid. It gives the whole piece a pulse. You have an incredible knack for drawing in your readers. I see a world in this that is vampire meets zombie meets the Apocalypse. It's terrifying and wonderful! Destruction, pain, and darkness. You're the master of all of these and more. Thank you for sharing this with me. It's fantastic!

[Laughing Lunatic]

Excellent dark and vivid imagery! I loved it your such a brilliant writer. =)

[Robert Luna]

You words are always such a treat to have rolling around in my head. Sorry took me a while to get to this. Lost my modem Thurs night and was not able to really do anything online until now. I liked the feeling of desiring to understand something you know you will never be able to no matter how hard you try. Battling both the inner demon as well as dealing with the fact of the reality of being placed in a place of almost wanting to blame yourself in some twisted way even though you know you are not to blame in the least. Very interesting thoughts this places in my mind and such a pleasure to allow to consume them.


Great Job!!!!!!

[Nick Erickson]

This is excellent, very dark and vivid.
I felt the chill of the winds as I read this piece, my mind invisioning all of this taking place on one of the silent and uninhabited, barren islands of Alaska.

"Icy winds cut deep like tainted blades"

Very vivid and imaginative, another outstanding piece of literary perfection.
Well done.

[Morgan Ashire]

I had high expectations coming in to read this piece. They were both met and let down. I love the direction of this piece. I really do. In fact, I may just take inspiration from this piece if you don't mind. It's a good piece. It really is. The only thing is, the imagery, in this case, should be coupled by a story. It's an immaculately drawn picture, but as there is no real emotion conveyed within, other than the imagery itself, a story should be drawn with it. This piece is very well written, but seems to be lacking the additional backing that it needs in order to become, for the lack of a better word, complete. A very good write. I'd consider writing yet another piece like this, although, add either story, or put it in a first or third person perspective and saturate it with emotion. Either way, you can't lose.