The Rising

Just playing ...

 

Darkened mistress of this hallowed night  

Raise your arms high

Summon the shadows

So the dead can come and play

 

Tonight, underneath this bloody moon

Lost souls drip from its dying gloom

As forgotten breaths floats away

Evaporating into her charcoal sky

 

Icy winds cut deep like tainted blades

From diminished mouths of the forsaken

Rattling tarnished bones

Of those who once stood in their way

 

Desolate beasts drag their feet

Erasing paths which lead to the light

Whilst angels comes alive

Frantically looking for those who have survived

 

Bashful cries shatter their minds

Tearing apart pieces of a pounding heart

Gleaming eyes vindictively scanning the plains

Making sure nothing remain as the undead becomes once more

 

Fangs, razor sharp pierce

Absent thoughts about a life above

As the underworld slowly awakens

Faithfully serving her unworthy cause

 

Dominating one

Needing to control all

With guilt stained hands, they grab

They pull you closer and closer to your doom

 

Addictive chanting poisoning voice of reason

Slowly infecting all logical thoughts

Like a viper in the darkened night

Viciously killing what was left of this life

 

 

Reviews

[Belle Morte]

This is a great horror peice. Excellent.

I did have some issues with some of your words though.

"Icy winds cuts deep like tainted blades"
This line would read better if you changed it to "cut".

"Frantically looking for those who has survived"
You have a tense problem in this sentence. "Has" should be "have".

Keep up the good work dear.

[R J Askew]

Classic bit of gothic nihilism. Great descriptive work with the adjectives standing out strongly for me... hallowed, bloody, tainted, tarnished, desolate, guilt-stained... The bit about the gleaming eyes surveying the plain brought me to think about WW1 battles, and poetry on the subject. A great read.

[Silent Pacer]

Twisted, I really like this, very vivid imagination. You discribed each scene with perfection, and breath taking words that poison one's soul, well, maybe not poison, but hey, if you really like this piece, I say you have to be a bit twisted, to truly apreciate what is really going on..lol, Very Well Done.

[The Tao of Bri]

CHILLINGLY POWERFUL! I love the tensiona dn the hoplessness it generates and the fear that discombobulates!

[Gary H]

This is really well written and reads perfectly. A good test is to read the first line and the last line of a 'story' poem and see how they fit. Your thoughts are very together and use of language is carefully worked. Another interesting thing to do is look at the final words at the end of each line or the first words and see how forceful or repetitive they are. Again yours are calculated to hit hard. Interestingly you could have changed the second to last line to become the last line which would have been a match for the opening line of the poem if that makes any sense?

A shame we can't have coloured backgrounds again as this would have looked good red on black. Oh, and centered would balance the longer line nicely.

Yeah, yeah, you know I like this poem and think this fits well with the story we are writing. You should add a link to it when we hit on the right chapter coming up. xxx

[Jason Nuciola]

i love it

I really like the darkness in this poem and the picture really set it off lovely. I love the Horror in it and the way you just.... wow it was really good and I liked it.

[Gavin Keary]

THis is quite possibly the greatest horror poem I have ever read! Keep doing what you are doing

[Rockebah]

You have been watching one too many horror movies. LOL. Whatever you're doing continue cause it has a remarkable influence on your poetry. This is extreme. Almost frightening. This is definitely one of my favorites. Keep it up!