Finally

 

 

Lost days, counted by

As the soul prays one last time

Hoping to find its way

Standing at the back of the line

Where tears never reach

The heart’s desire of being free

Trapped in a world

Between life and death

Frantically gasping for one last breath

 

Demons grab the very core of me

Millions of eyes

Turned away from the scene

The brutal onslaught has begun

Devouring a person already torn

Just go on your way

Don’t ever look back

Life has flipped the coin

As yet another angel falls

 

Heaven’s grace

Softly touching a face

Heartlessly disfigured by time

Forgiving my ultimate crime

Carefully placing me down

On now a grassy bed

Closing the windows

Allowing me to finally rest

Inside this man made chest

 

Do not weep next to my tomb

For a name etched on stone

Doesn’t mean that I am home

Deep within this grave

Lies a body broken...

Completely alone

Decayed by time

Hardship’s willing slave

Silently faded away

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

This is full of such painful and powerful emotion and startling imagery. Fallen angels.... disfigured... gasping for one last breath... The darkness within really shows in this writing.

The final stanza is beautifully sad and if you just read the last words of each line you really get the message - tomb/stone/home/grave/broken/alone/time/slave/away.

I hope you are not personally feeling as alone and trapped as is portrayed by the narrator of this poem because that is heart-breaking.

A very moving and powerful piece.

a name etched on stone - I love that line. For all it's simplicity it says so much.

Very well written. Thank you for sending it my way.

NH

Good form, rhythm and format.

your choice of words paints the picture being described well.

The message has been imparted well with above, and the imparted message has a deep sense of insight.

This is a very good piece

[Fabian G. Franklin]

" Do not go gentle into that good night...rage, rage against the dying of the light." Dylan Thomas
" No coward's soul is mine" Emily Bronte'

This was a great write and very emotionally charged with darkness and foreboding.

[James K. Blaylock]

This piece is really powerful. It's pain and sorrow seem to flow right through...

jkb

[Annalisa]

Oh wow. This is an extremely powerful poem. It immediately draws the reader in and kept my attention all the way through to the end (which is amazing considering I think my head is going to explode I've been reading so much poetry lately). I especially loved the lines:

"Life has flipped the coin
As yet another angel falls"

There is a lot of cool imagery in this. Kudos, this was amazing.

[*** Hey Jude***]

Namaste, this is an amazing exprssion of your feelings that even though the world tears at you, your spirit your spirit is stronger than you could ever imagine. Well written~ Jude :-) xo

[deadlife]

Awfully beautiful. How did you do this..every line is wonderful..and sad..and still beautiful. Believe me while reading this i was yearning to die..To feel what you've written..More deeply.
Nothing more to say right now..i'm feeling numb.
Thanks for this dear..

[Rachel Hays]

I don't know how you do it. Every single piece you have sent, and everything I've read, it's so full of emotion. It grabs you. Every piece.
As Nicholas said, I hope you don't feel as the narrator does. Though knowing that everything a person writes does have it's own muse, at one time you probably did. Instead of letting that pain eat away at you, look what you did! You turned it into a thing of beauty!
"The brutal onslaught has begun
Devouring a person already torn
Just go on your way
Don't ever look back
Life has flipped the coin
As yet another angel falls"
It makes you want to cry. You know how to tap into that deep, dark place that most people try to hide. It seems forbidden to make it public, but why? It's something everyone has inside of them. If only people could express themselves as you have. You've given every character thought and meaning and this tortured life, and it really breaks your heart. This piece, a body already broken now rots in its own grave begging you not to weep. I'm really speechless. Hopefully giving you praise makes up for that =)

I really like the emotion and the imagery. The darkness enthralled me, if thats even the right word for it. I like the way you fused your darkness with sadness. Please don't really feel that bad... I liked it but if you wrote this b/c you really feel that way and you hurt deeply like that then I still like it but it makes me more sad. But do keep writing! I really like some of you work, well most of it.

[Caitbabie008]

Great write! :)

[Sr.phil]

makes me wanna cry, how can we not weep next to a body broken and fading away. THat Sad! lol. oh man, what can i say.nicely written. hade a great time reading thi piece. i want to thank you for always reviewing my poems, i shall do the same. take care, and keep the dark ones comeing, really like them. phil!