Finally

 

 

Lost days, counted by

As the soul prays one last time

Hoping to find its way

Standing at the back of the line

Where tears never reach

The heart’s desire of being free

Trapped in a world

Between life and death

Frantically gasping for one last breath

 

Demons grab the very core of me

Millions of eyes

Turned away from the scene

The brutal onslaught has begun

Devouring a person already torn

Just go on your way

Don’t ever look back

Life has flipped the coin

As yet another angel falls

 

Heaven’s grace

Softly touching a face

Heartlessly disfigured by time

Forgiving my ultimate crime

Carefully placing me down

On now a grassy bed

Closing the windows

Allowing me to finally rest

Inside this man made chest

 

Do not weep next to my tomb

For a name etched on stone

Doesn’t mean that I am home

Deep within this grave

Lies a body broken...

Completely alone

Decayed by time

Hardship’s willing slave

Silently faded away

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

This is full of such painful and powerful emotion and startling imagery. Fallen angels.... disfigured... gasping for one last breath... The darkness within really shows in this writing.

The final stanza is beautifully sad and if you just read the last words of each line you really get the message - tomb/stone/home/grave/broken/alone/time/slave/away.

I hope you are not personally feeling as alone and trapped as is portrayed by the narrator of this poem because that is heart-breaking.

A very moving and powerful piece.

a name etched on stone - I love that line. For all it's simplicity it says so much.

Very well written. Thank you for sending it my way.

NH

[Dan Bullock]

I feel you know

'Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.'

But if not, then strangely similar, it's a beautiful poem by Mary Frye, one of my favourites hence the noticability!

Obviously yours is the other side of the coin however, painful dear Natalie...but still your words are strong...as is your heart!

[Robert Luna]

Oh yeah!!!! Giving me the meat to allow my imagination to chew upon. I always love your dark work. You paint such a vivid image with your words. The loneliness that is felt is so rich with depth and honesty. The hunger of the scene plays so clearly in my head. I am just so impacted by your words.


Great Job!!!!!

[R J Askew]

For some reason the eyes were the most prominant part of this for me, dunno why, the detail just seemed vivid. I really like the man-made chest line also. And we are all going to somewhere like this one way or another. Ach!

[The Tao of Bri]

There is nothing in this world so destitute as a forlorn heart. Such a mournful piece, like those before me have stated darkness without a hint of redemption. Great write from not so great times.

[Gary H]

I do agree with Siya that this is very dark with no hint of redemption. There seems to be a feel that everyone should go away, leave the writer alone and let her finish her life in the way she wants to do so. But, the line - 'Doesn't mean that I am home' - tends to move the whole work away from being specifically about the writer so maybe I am wrong in my original assumptions.
The other words I find intriguing are 'man made chest'. I guess hear you are talking both about the man made body you are in and the one in which you are destined to find yourself?
I like the way this has been written with the beginning feel gradually falling to the end of existence - 'silently fading away'. xx

[Enigma]

That was one of the most powerful poems I've ever read.It's also one of the darkest.The images you conveyed through the words were really painful.It set in me a feeling of disappointment and sorrow.I mean, that's what you wanted to convey.
Great Job!! I'm eagerly waiting for a similar poem with a positive outlook.It'd be great too...
Well Done!!!

[Candle in the wind]

Why such pain and devastation my friend ! It pains me to read this.Why such macabre images of decay?