Sun Rise

 

Standing here, on my now broken highway,

In the middle of this distorted path

Terrifying visions leads

To concealed bruises

Of your twisted wrath

Griping the key, turning my face

To the place where you have hurt me

 

Many nights of prayers

Carries silent evidence

That no one hears

Where fingerprints remain

Under layers of broken skin

Stained by the anger within

 

The damage stays

Inside the cambers of my mental decay

Knowing things would never change

In corridors filled with unbearable pain

Whilst fear inhibits the sickening mind  

 

Splintered bones

On piles of aching debris

No one could ever save me

In the graveyard of no return

Where suffocating hands had shown

Whom you forcefully own

 

Continued hell

Telling everyone I fell

Further and further down

My darkened hole

Where colours of my world fades

With the dissolving of a useless life

 

Out of control

Another bash against the wall

Blood streaks

Splatters everywhere

Whilst all that ever matters

Runs rivers, red and raging

Down a spine arching against the blows

 

Falling hopelessly to my  knees

Hoping for a merciful release

As violent kicks, dents the soul

How could I ever again be whole,

In this world now turned up side down

 

Mental picture stains

Destroying all faith that might remain

Pleading one last time

That the sun would once again rise

Ending this vicious streak

Giving life back to me

 

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I'll focus on the strong images: 'Broken and distorted highway' -- out in the open but going where? 'Corridors filled with unbearable pain' -- hemmed in, trapped. 'Splintered bones on piles of aching debris' -- broken and defeated. 'My darkened hole' -- final collapse all around. Yet the poem ends optimistically, as you can still think of the sun. This is the key point in that it shows hope. Also the word 'rise' in the title can be read as a verb, subliminally.

[Alex Walters]

"Falling hopelessly to my knees
Hoping for a merciful release
As violent kicks, dents the soul
How could I ever again be whole,
In this world now turned up side down."

This describes torture and hell perfectly... Not as something external, but as something internal that stays with you for the rest of your life. Very powerful choice of words.

[BenightedWhispers]

I was blown away. Such potent images and words. Fantastic job

[pal]

strong words expressions deep emotions..
very nicely presented poem
pal

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Such a tragicly sad write. You have come across with a strong message . Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Nick Erickson]

The imagery is very vivid and painful in this piece, something I hope you are not going through right now. If it is something you've had to even endure, I hope you are now far gone.
Well done in describing the emotions and thoughts.
Well done.

The picture below helped in the imagery of the poem. Otherwise, the connection of the title and the poem gets a little confusing.

You have good choice of words, and you know how to paint with them, that is a highly artistic asset that is rare.

Overall, this is a good read.

[United Writings]

Natalie C

i have listened to way to many stories like this one but finally on the trail of darkness come to see the light as i never was expecting a hopeful ending. I hate when some people tell others that they enjoyed a write like this on because you are at least not to me suppose to enjoy a write like this one. Its suppose to make you think and understand where the person writing this is coming from. Anyway i comprehend where your coming from and i did not enjoy but relize and listened to your outstanding write. I really like the phrase "Broken and distorted highway".
Thank You for something different

Promisekeeper

[Natasha Ashway]

Oh my, this is so sad! Your words make abuse a stark reality, over and over again in different angles and degree through your stanzas. It's a vivid exposure to the darker regions of human relationships and your voice [urging that this mad violence people perpetuate comes to an end] is strong.

'Runs rivers, red and raging / Down a spine arching against the blows'

Lovely description, tragically beautiful.
Another nice one my friend. Thank you for sharing and making people think.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Beautifully written, sad to read.. but a hopeful ending .. good poem Natalie !

Chloe
xoxo

[Robert Luna]

I really liked this and thought it was very creative. You have pushed the lines of normality and knocked the dust off the formal style with this. I love to see a writer work within their own ideas of what is abd should be and not fall victim to trying to force the flow of thoughts into something that has no life of its own. You have written something different and wonderful here.

Great Job!!!!!