Chapter 11

Brittany went on Ms. Betty’s show and told them all about her old life and how much it had changed her life. She even thanked God for allowing her to lose her children, because if He hadn’t, she never would’ve come back to Him or have met Jeremie.
After the show, Ms. Betty took Brittany and Jeremie around New York and showed them the other side; not only the pretty skyscrapers, but also the darker streets. She showed them how hard life could be and that she should be really grateful for everything that had happened. Brittany and Jeremie came home a week later and received a letter from a local church in Jefferson City, Illinois who was holding a youth rally. They wanted Brittany to come and speak at it. Brittany was excited; this was her chance to prevent kids from making the same mistakes she did.
Brittany wrote them back and told them that she would be honored to talk to them. Brittany was becoming a very popular, but Jeremie kept her well grounded. He’d constantly tell her, “God has a reason why all this is happening…Never lose sight of that.” Before Brittany left for the rally, she went to the OBGYN to get a checkup. While she was there, she asked her doctor if she could ever get pregnant. To her dismay, she found out she could never have children of her own. Her pregnancy with the twins damaged her uterus. She could not have any children of her own with Jeremie. When Brittany told Jeremie, he was disappointed, but overall he knew there was a reason why. He knew that he didn’t understand now, but that later in life he would.
Brittany and Jeremie went to the church and prepared to speak. She planned out what she was going to say. The Pastor walked over to them and said that camera crews were here and wanted to know if they could record everything that was to happen. Brittany thought about that for a few minutes. Am I really ready for all of this? She thought to herself. Okay Lord, if this is what you want then I’ll do it. Brittany agreed to allow them to record the speech. Jeremie was a little concerned though. Before Brittany walked out there, she and Jeremie prayed together. They prayed for guidance and peace for Brittany and to receive the words of Him. The Pastor walked out to the podium and introduced Brittany. Brittany was welcomed with much applause.
“Good evening everyone. As you Pastor said, I am Brittany Andrews, the writer of A Mother’s Tragedy. For those of you who may not have read the book, it reaccounts all of the struggles I’ve had in my life.
“I lost my mom when I was a freshman in high school. Raise your hand if you’re a freshman…Wow, a great majority of you are. Could you imagine losing your mom? How often do you tell your parents you love them? Well, I forgot to tell my mom August 15th five and a half years ago, and I never got another chance to.
“I loved my mom more than anyone else second to God of course. When my mom died, it changed who I was. I left my normal circle of friends and befriended the wrong group of people. I never wanted to see myself in such a state, but needless to say, I found myself there. I met a guy, who I thought I loved, and had premarital sex. I wound up pregnant…with twins; Lilly Rae and James Michael.” Here she paused and looked around to see the shock on people’s faces. “Those kids were my life for a while until I got selfish. It became all about me and my wants, my needs instead of Keagan’s or the twins’. I’ve done every drug, I’ve drank more than any alcoholic will ever admit to drinking…and that’s when you realize…You’ve finally hit rock bottom.
“Both Lilly and James died when I was taking care of them…and as a mother, that is the worst feeling ever. James died because his lungs filled with fluid and well, Lilly’s death was completely my fault. And because of that, I won’t describe to you how it happened, but if you really want to know it’s in the book. Just know that it was me who killed my daughter. It was an accident but none the less, my fault. What kills me the most, was that Keagan wanted the twins more than I ever did, and I let him down. I was a terrible mother to them, and now I’m suffering from it today.”
Everyone in the audience sat in absolute silence; no one even seemed to breathe. Brittany had avoided, up until this point, crying. It all hit her now. She stood before these high school students with tears streaming down her face; an adult barely much older than some of them in the room, crying. Through the tears, she continued.
“I found out just two days ago that I won’t be able to have any more children of my own. Because of the strain on my body when I carried the twins, my uterus is unable to hold anymore babies. Now I don’t want you to feel sorry for me and my husband, we’re okay with it. We know that God has a reason for doing this and we’ll find out someday. My kids were my life. I’m not going to lie to you, they were…they made my life worth living. Now I’m not telling you this for you to run out and get pregnant, because it is more work than anyone in high school should ever go through. What I am saying is that God gave me a blessing in disguise and I didn’t see it. I let the Devil in and he won.
“The Devil got me when I was down, down on God for taking my mom from me. I was grieving over her death. I turned my back on God when I really needed him the most because every time I thought of him, I thought of my mom…and I didn’t want to think about her anymore. God never left me though! My grandparents were always there to put Him back in front of me, but I continued to push Him away. It wasn’t till I was in prison that I came back to Him. God caught my attention through my psychologist Ms. Thompson. She made me talk about my mom’s death and write down everything that I had kept bottled up for so long. Through that experience, I realized that I had tried to hide from God, but He was always there. He knew exactly where I was going to go next and He stood in the middle of the road forcing me to choose. I unfortunately chose wrong every time, until that night in my cell.
“Because I went back to God, I met the man I truly love with all my heart, Mr. Jeremie Andrews. Jeremie went to my old church and when I returned, we knew we were destined to be together…I know it sounds like a lame fairy tale but it’s true. From the minute we started hanging out…we just knew. We may not be able to have children or have a clean record, I still love my Lord and I know in my heart there’s a reason why all of this happened. I put my future in His hands and I know I will never go wrong.”
Brittany ended with that and sat down behind the podium picking up a glass of water. She received a standing ovation. The Pastor asked Brittany if she wouldn’t mind doing a question and answer session. Of course she didn’t mind, after all she just gave a thirty minute speech. When the Pastor announced that Brittany would answer questions, almost every hand was raised. Jeremie came out from back stage and stood next to Brittany as she took the questions.
The girl in the first row asked, “Mrs. Andrews, what went through your mind when you couldn’t have any more children?”
“Well, I was shocked. I had never had any problems before so I never really thought anything was wrong. The doctor also told me that even if I was to get pregnant again, I wouldn’t be able to carry the baby till it was time to give birth and that I would most likely lose the baby within 3 months of delivering. It’s just a really tough situation.”
A boy from the second row asked, “How did your husband handle the news?”
Brittany looked at Jeremie and Jeremie decided that he would answer. “Well, I was upset at first, but I remembered that my life isn’t my own, that it’s God’s. And what he chooses to do with it is up to Him. I have no say in anything he chooses to do. Yes, I do want to have kids some day, but you know there’s always adoption.” Jeremie looked at Brittany with a smile and she turned bright red. The room erupted with laughter. Jeremie put his arm around her and kissed her forehead.
Another boy asked, “What did you do after your mother’s death? And where was your father?”
“Well, I feel into a deep and dark depression that made me spiral out of control. I quit on all levels; I didn’t want to do anything except live in my dark room and cry. I dropped out of school shortly after I got pregnant so I never really got any good job. I quit on my family most of all. My grandparents and I were very close and I completely shut them out, which really broke their hearts. My father on the other hand, he died when I was only two months old. He was in the Army. He went out on a special op’s mission and never came home. My uncle Kyle tried to step into my life as my dad, but there’s not much you can do from California.”
The question and answer session went on for another hour. Brittany had poured her soul out to these teenagers hoping that they wouldn’t make the same mistakes she did. Brittany began to realize why all of this had happened to her; she was supposed to tell as many people as she could to keep the same thing from happening to others. That night, Brittany prayed to God and asked Him to help her get her experience out there and to not let anything like this happen to anyone else. She also poured her soul before God begging Him to allow her to be a mother again someday, and that she would wait as long as He would have her to wait.