The Fallen Nametag

I was shocked. Well, shocked is an understatement. I was utterly flabbergasted when i realized who had emerged from that door with a bell on it which rings every time the doors opened.
I was just going to pick up my fallen name tag from the floor with the word “Caitlyn” spelled on it when the bell rang. I thought that it was just some kid craving for ice cream, but clearly I was wrong.

I saw 'him' standing there. I don't know how, but I recognized him at the first sight. It has been 8 years since I last saw him at junior high school. Well, it was clear from his facial expression that somehow, someway he recognized me too.

Nathan. Yap that one and particular Nathan.

8 years ago,
We went to the same junior high school. That day, i thought that I was completely doomed when I got some guy named Nathan to be my new seatmate. His first impressions weren’t good at all. His hair was messy and long, covering his forehead. His eyes looks tired, like he hasn’t slept for days. He didn’t wear his belt and tie, like all badass student in school. I immediately disliked him.

For days, we didn’t talk. We pay attention to the teacher in silence. Well, I pay attention. Usually he dozed off after 30 minutes and wake up when the bell rings, indicating it’s time for recess.
We finally turned silence into words after 2 weeks, when the teacher gave our first assignment. The assignment requires us to work together with our seatmate. I mutter my disappointment to myself for not being able to choose my own partner. I turned to him, ready to be ignored and do this assignment myself for both of us. That’s when he stared at me with his big brown eyes, and said his very first words to me

"Caitlyn", he said

Like hell, I was shocked that he knows my name. I didn't think that he paid any attention to anything.

"Well, it looks like we're on a team. Don't worry I'll do it, not that your help really matters anyway", I told him before he said anything else.

"Hey girl," he smirked at me. God that smirk. "I am planning to help,you know."

Yup, that was one of the best assignment ever. The thing about assignment is that it doesn't really matter how difficult or easy one is, what matters more is wether we can find particular someone to share the task together.

Weeks turned to months. I didn't really know how or when, we became close friends. Like, real close. He didn't seem obnoxious to me anymore. And I can tell that he enjoyed our time together.

Here's where things got interesting. One day in November, he sat next to me like every other morning. But there was something different. He brought me a teddy bear. Shoving the teddy bear to me he said,

"Caitlyn, listen well, cause I as hell won't repeat whatever comes next from my mouth," his face turned red. Gee, he was blushing. And Nathan doesn't blush often.

"Will you go on a date with me this Friday?" I absolutely didn't see that coming. Cheers and applaud raised all around the class.

I truly hoped that my face didn't turn as crazy as my heart beat.

"Yes", that came out wrong, really wrong. My sound was squeaking. Iuh.

All 8th grader at that time are fed up with romantic things from the tv and movies they saw with their parents. Well, that includes me. On Thursday, I daydreamed. A lot. I imagine how our date would go; will he give me flowers, where will he take me. Nathan waved his hand in front of me a few times to snap me back to present time.

"What on earth possessed you? You've never been like this before," he said while laughing at me.

I blushed, and he laughed louder. God I love his laugh.

The next day, after school, I came home and went straight to the shower. I swear to God I scrub myself with soap at least 5 times that afternoon, trying to look as pretty as I can. I decided to wear a dress. I let my wavy hair fall down to my back. I hoped I look good enough.

He had his driver to pick me up. I said goodbye to my parents. They think I'm going to my friend's house, doing a group project. Ha!
After a somewhat short drive there he is, standing in front of me, looking as handsome as ever. He was holding yet another bouquet of flowers, chrysanthemum, my favorite.

"You look... look.. you look..beautiful, Caitlyn." he smiled down at me, definitely blushing, looking star-strucked, and gave me his bouquet of flowers. Damn him and his ability to flatter people. My face went crimson.

"Well, you don't look so bad yourself, mister. Thankyou for the flowers. How do you know it's my favorite?"

He answered my question with a secretive wink, and held my hand.

***

I snapped out from my flashback, realizing I've been staring at him blankly. I swore under my breath, took my name tag and put it back on my shirt.

"Hey, can you cover me for a while? I need some fresh air. Please?" I said to my workmate.

"Gee, Caitlyn. What's going on? Of course I can cover you, but are you alright?" she said.

"I'm okay. See you in a bit," And then I bolt out of there. Afraid of him. Afraid of the memory of him.

But this is him and his thick skull, he came again to my work place the next day.

***
Well, that date was definitely a special one. It was not my first date, but it was the first where i felt something. I felt different. I think i was in love, yes, me, nathan. There, I found my first love in 8th grade.

Here's what it is. Happy ever after never did exist. Just when i thought love is beautiful, at the moment when I started to understand what those romantic songs and quotes means, he took all of the beauty in falling in love from me.

2 months. I was a freaking fool for 2 whole months. That day on Thursday, I overheard him chatting with his friends. I purposely sneaked out to hear what he had to say because i heard him mentioning my name.

That's when I found out! I found out that he was in a bet with his friend. The bet was that he was supposed to date me to win lunch at our school freaking canteen. How could he do that to me?! The idea of betting on a girl has never made any sense to me not back then, not now.

I was mad, hell, i was furious devastated betrayed all at the same time. The one person I thought could be my one and only did something so low, something so petty. I never told him what I heard. Its just that I ignored him with all the power I had in me. I spent the rest of the year, and the senior year ignoring him. It was hard but all of the love I had in me for him had turned to hate.

I figured that he tried. He tried hard to ask me what had happened. Why i had ignored him. He apologized,but what could that possibly do. He tried to ask my girl friends, but of course, nobody knew. I didn't tell anybody. I didn't really know why, i guess that I was just ashamed of myself to be such a fool, and to be some kind of girl who only worth a lunch. At canteen. Also, I couldn't bring myself to tell anybody because in my opinion, telling the story out loud was just too painful and would make it all more real. It doesn't really make sense I know, but that's just the way I see things. I think that he finally figured out his problem and tried to make amend but I just couldn't..

I cried a lot when I found out about that ugly truth. I wondered what I did wrong for a long while, until finally I decided that the only thing I did wrong, was that I trusted him. I know some people may think that it was just a little childish love problem but not to me. It affected a lot of things in my life. Ever since that day, I learned not to trust anyone 100 percent and I learned not to let anyone else too close to me because that way they could hurt me bad.

***
He came.

"I never got a chance to say how sorry I am. I am truly sorry Caitlyn" he shouted out before i could leave the store again.

"I was wrong. I didn't realize it back then, but what i did is really really wrong", he seemed sincere. A part of me wanted to forgive him but I couldn't.

"I let you go back then, i will never let you go now, not twice, not like this Caitlyn. Please just give me chance to explained my self. I don't expect you to forgive I just want you to understand", all of the emotion was rushing back to me now. I urged him to go outside. If we were going to have this conversation, at least it need to be more private.

"What do you want from me Nathan?" I asked him

"Just hear me out. Will you do that? For me, please", even now, those words meant so much to me. I couldn't help but to hear him out.

"I realize that I had made my biggest mistake back then. My mistake was not betting on you, it was just a tool I used to brace myself to asked you out Cait. You had my heart from the first sight but I was a coward, I still am, and I am planning to stop being one. I am sorry that you were hurt by that, I truly am, but I didn't do that to hurt you. My biggest mistake is that I let you go. I gave up on explaining before you understand. Caitlyn I love you. I always do." Tears were streaming down my face.

"But you hurt me once, and it stung so bad. I am afraid that you'll hurt me again."

All those feelings came back. I do hate him, but God knows that I also love him. He's my first love, the first guy who give me affection. How can I erase him from my memory?

"Oh Caitlyn, I know. I can only ask you to trust me. I will try to be the best for you, to be the man you come to when you need help or shelter. I can't promise that nothing will hurt you because I know better than to make promises I can't keep. But I promise you, I will never hurt you intentionally, and I will always stand by you, I'll go through it all with you. I will not leave you, I will not let you go. Not again. I'm here, Cait", he said. He opened his arms embracing me. I welcomed his warm hug ans he let me cry on his shoulder.

"I love you. Never doubt that", he whispered to me while stroking my hair.

THE END