Toadsong

~Zen~

Imagine floating on top of
swollen summer ponds
in the windswept aftermath
of night's rain--
waddling on lily pads
where lotuses rise with unbent stems
and the earthen scents paint
the air steamy-warm.
Dawn's silence stirs and dissolves
in the round green fronds,
with the monotone drone
of the toad song,
just as sunrise comes
flooding up
luscious and golden, like
maple syrup.

Author's Note

The state of Zen alludes to mind without mind and is also referred to as the state of "no-mindness". That is, a mind not fixed or occupied by thought or emotion and thus open to everything.
The philosophy of Zen emphasizes rigorous self-restraint, meditation-practice, insight into the nature of mind and nature of things, and the personal expression of this insight in daily life, especially for the benefit of others. As such, it de-emphasizes mere knowledge of sutras and doctrine and favors direct understanding through spiritual practice.

Many haikus are written with the philosophy of Zen in mind, the most famous of them being Basho's "Old Pond", which is translated as
'old pond
frog leaps in
water's sound'
I wanted to capture the essence of that haiku through this poem, using the Western format of free verse English poetry to convey a similar feeling.

Reviews

[Robert Haigh]

Very nicely described - I was there as I read your poetic lines! Also interesting to read the Shel Silverstein quote. I'm a fan of his too, both as poet and songwriter. I sing a couple of his songs myself - "On Susan's Floor" and "This Guitar is For Sale."

[Moonie]

Thank you so much for the review!

[willweb]

There is beauty blooming in your words. reading this is like taking a stroll around a pond, listening to the breeze and watching ripples gently kissing the shore. Very beautiful.
Whereas the sunrise dances, so does nature to the music of the winds.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I found the author's note as interesting as the poem. I enjoyed the read but I did have a bit of a struggle with "and the earthen scents paint" . In my opinion, dropping the word "the" from that line might offer more clarification. The poem in its entirety was lovely, however, and I enjoyed.

[Nusquam Esse]

If you want to encapsulate the sense of a haiku/senryu, I think trimming a few words to help the poem be more succinct and abstract would help. It feels like framing the poem with "Imagine" is unnecessary, as if you need to tell the reader to visualize what is already a moment's mood and image. Japanese is very contextual, and in sentences where something is implied, there is no need to state it. (If you want some examples of Japanese sentence structures and how they wildly diverge from English, I can elaborate.) Letting fewer words set a mood helps the reader to see their own image instead of being told what to see.

An example of how I would tweak the first few lines:
floating atop
swollen summer ponds
a windswept aftermath
of night's rain--

Ps. Clicked on this poem for the title, as I had a tree frog as a kid, and his obnoxious croaks during the summer would keep me up at night.

[Unspoken poet]

This has a lot of imagery in it, I love this write, this is written very well

[Moonie]

thank you so much for the review!

[Unspoken poet]

you're welcome

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Vermont, rains, walking in pastures afterwards...the Maple syrup, maple pralines ....luscious.
Like those days of my youth...still swollen in my memory.
your poems are so vivid in imagery....
I feel like I am looking at a painting.
j.

[Moonie]

Vermont seems like a beautiful place to visit during fall. Thank you so much for the review!

[Dripping Chocolate Madn..]

Twigs in a slowly meandering river.
Racing, but not for victory.
Pooh Bear would be proud.

[Moonie]

Hehe right! Thank you! Sorry for the late reply

[I Shred This Cabbage]

This is excellent. You’ve created a lovely, dreamy quality with your words, but not unnecessarily sentimental. Some of the phrasing is beautiful, particularly ‘Dawns silence stirs and dissolves’

[Moonie]

Hey thank you so much! Sorry for the late reply i haven't been active at all

[Esteban Morfín]

Certainly a peaceful scene. I feel like I was there, in the middle of the pond. I think the only thing I don't like about poems is that they tend to be short, and the place where they take you goes away pretty quickly, so the sensation is pretty elusive. Nonetheless, great work! I loved it! You sure took me to that pond, if only for a moment.

[Robert Trakofler]

wonderful imagery! I love love love this one Ms Moon! I love ponds I made one once I can spend hours reflecting over a pond... and that's what you just did in this lovely poem!

[Moonie]

Thank you soo much! I love ponds as well, and my friend owns a toad. Won't say I'm too fond of them, but they are definitely curious creatures... :)