A dream well aged

~a dream well aged~

It was so long ago, 

it has gotten old now, 

that I dreamt,

of red-brick homes 

in the country, 

of pale, featureless skies,

engulfing overgrown gardens, 

of hawkweeds pressed against my palm,  

of hot breezes that crept to the front stairs

with me,

of copper kettles that hissed

in our mahogany kitchen,

of you fussing about the correct temperature

for baking cakes, the likes of which,

I am unable to find

in the stale city roads. 

It was so long ago,

I often forget to remember.

Author's Note

Review and comment, please. Let me know what you think of it. This is a very old poem that I had left to rot, and only picked up with a look of contempt yesterday. I decided I could still see a poem in the scrawled scrambles. The poem reminds me of summer, and has already achieved a little place in my heart.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

It was not so long ago memory cannot take us there...where hollyhocks grow tall and fields stretch green and fair...beneath cornflower skies wearing cotton candy pink...when the day is done and the sun begins to sink...behind the the rustic homes and barns all painted brick dust red... not long before the moon and stars tuck children into bed...where evening warmth will wear a honeysuckle scent... mixed with musty hay and heat the summer day has lent...the berry pies and coffee; the soft homemade ice cream...quilts and country rocking chairs may mingle in our dream...It was not so long ago but see...the fire still holds some embers...burning in that long ago if we will but remember. (Love your poem) (smile)

[Moonie]

Your review is prettier than my poem, dear friend!!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Thank you...if I am particularly inspired by reading something I may reply in verse since that's what poets tend to do with inspiration. But it was your work that offered the inspiration and that is what every poet should strive to offer. Blessings of peace and love.

[Nusquam Esse]

I would recommend rewriting the second line, and dropping the repetition of it. And 'gotten' is a very ugly sounding word, it would be better to use a word such as grown. Other than that line, the rest of this flows very well. Only other advice would be to double-check your punctuation from a more poetic approach. I enjoyed the image that this created, especially the second half, this poem would not have even an iota of its power without the descriptions of baking cakes (or more specifically, the interactions behind it)

[Moonie]

Haha, I agree. The fussing over the temperature really adds power to it. I like the suggestion for "grown".
The poem is supposed to lull the reader slowly in the beginning, and then shock him suddenly that this is just a mwmory, and the narrator can't feel this way anymore. If you notice closely (and I am sure you always do :D) that the poem slowly drifts from the description of non human things to tge ones with more feelings attached. It starts with the sky--utterly non human, moves to the garden where "overgrown" shows the lack of care, then hawkweeds add more wildness to this garden, also the narrator is free enough to feel them. In the next line, "crept" shows the stealy nature with which the narrator moves. "Mahogany kitchen" and"copper kettles" show the earthiness of the kitchen, and finally "her" entry. The "she" here can be percieved as the mother, or grandma or the lover of the narrator.
Thanks for the lovely review.
I am pleased to see you back!!!:))

[Nusquam Esse]

Yeah, I noticed the trend of the poem, which is why I was so fond of the pace. I never really left... ;) I have checked in every day, just didn't have time to be writing reviews... or posting anything new. (Most of my projects at the moment will not be put on here)

[Natalie Dieudonne]

I see what you mean about it reminding you of summer because it has the same effect for me too. Its just so melo and chill. It puts a smile on my face.
Nice work!

[Moonie]

Thank you, dear Natalie. I am happy that you like this one.:))

[ReneeJ]

This is really good. Your Imagery was great and I love your obvious passion

Check out my entry http://tlng.me/1kbL5dK and vote for me on Tallenge

[Moonie]

Thank you, dear Renee. It feels great you stopped by. :)

[Purbleazaleya]

Many of us miss the tranquil and peace e have in the country, but still insist on living in the city because we like the lifestyle there. After so much time, we often forget what is it like to have a peaceful time in the country, but still we remember at times when we desperately need some calm in our lives.

[Moonie]

Indeed! Thanks for reviewing. Im thrilled you like this one. :))

[Frieda P]

How perfectly this plays out before my eyes...those moments of tranquility come to mind in the hectic mindset of today. Your imagery is spot on!

[Moonie]

Thank you, dearest Frieda for the lovely review and comment. My imagery generally sucks, though, in this poem it suddenly is pretty good. Thanks for stopping to read my words. It is always a pleasure. =)

[Frieda P]

It doesn't suck anymore ;) My pleasure...enjoy your weekend!

[Ranger Kessel]

glad you didn't throw it out...it's great

[Moonie]

Even I am glad I didn't throw it away. The irony pointed out by my friend, dear Taylor, is that the poem is about forgetting the countryside, yet I forgot about the poem itself. Thanks for stopping to read my words. It means a lot to me.=)

[Shimae Parks]

Love the poem only thing I would say is to reword the last sentence It sounds confusing almost doesn't fit in this poem. Other than that great poem, enjoyed the read.

[Moonie]

Thank you for such a sweet review, ma'am. It touched my heart. The whole poem is supposed to put the reader in a deep reverie, imagining everything as the poem moves on, journeying with the central character, and the last sentence is supposed to shock him out of his thoughts, to give him something unexpected. True enough, the story in the poem shifts ever so slightly towards a darker , sadder part when I mention that the central character is not in the country anymore, but in the city. And so he gets so busy searching for that one thing that he can't find in the city -happiness, that in his search he forgets to meet old friends, or keep in touch with his family.
Thanks again for the lovely review. It is always a pleasure to read your reviews. =)

[elvenom]

A wonderful dream wrapped in words which leaves the writer dreaming himself. Wonderful piece. Also the phrase "forget to remember" reminds me of a certain song with the same name. It could just be a coincidence of course. Anyway, well done!

[Moonie]

Thank you, dearest elvenom. I havemissed your precious reviews lately. It is always a pleasure to read your reviews. I haven't heard the song, so itmust be a coincidence. Though, now I plan to listen to the song.:))

[Cory Barrett]

I think its a wonderful piece longing for fulfillment, in the arms of remembered yesterdays.

[Moonie]

Thank you, dear streamline. Lovely review!=)