Not really sure about your addition of Global warming, it seems out of place (if nothing else, cycles of warming and cooling are no new phenomenon.) and makes the rhyme seem forced and contrived. I feel the same about the line 'Salad days', a better rhyme I think would be something about "silence betrays". You are also missing a space after 'weep'. All in all, I think there are more lines than needed, to the point where they start stalling a bit, I would pick out the best lines, and see if you can't cut out maybe 20% of what is in here, so that the gems can shine more?
Posted 10 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Geez, thanks a lot. I wanted the effect of using modern words in lines that remind you of the victor.. read moreGeez, thanks a lot. I wanted the effect of using modern words in lines that remind you of the victorian era to come through, and that is why I have used words like global warming and salad days. Global warming is a pretty new phenomenon. As for the salad days, the poet is (or rather I am) wishing that the muse will help him develop his poetry and let him forget the days when he was an amateur or a novice in the field.
This is my longest poem ever, and one ofmy lovely readers told me that I should add another paragraph. And thank you for poing out the spacing error. Most people just overlook it. Thank you, dearest reader. :))
Most anything may be personified as a muse. Your poem has an energetic flow to it. It inspired me to write this tiny gift song-poem for you to keep as your own:
Muse
I’m a little mockingbird
sitting on a limb.
I’m the goddess of the word,
and of Nature’s hymn.
If you’re wise, then you have heard
my bright pseudonym.
My songs have the undergird
of the seraphim.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
10 Years Ago
Wow, I would save that poem, so that it stays with me forever. Thank you, dearest aethereal.:))
The writing style is interesting and creative. The originality gives the reader a glimpse of the under world where muses are from. I just really hope those muses from Greece never reach the United States where I live even though is Freedom Of Religion.
Posted 10 Years Ago
0 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I am sorry but muses aren't related to religion at all. And they definitely don't have anything to d.. read moreI am sorry but muses aren't related to religion at all. And they definitely don't have anything to do with the underworld.
10 Years Ago
"This is my prayer to my muse."
10 Years Ago
Muses are imaginary spirits that are thought to aid a writer or a poet. A muse can also be a writer'.. read moreMuses are imaginary spirits that are thought to aid a writer or a poet. A muse can also be a writer's inspiration, like a loved one. In greek and roman mythologies they were the daughters of zeus who presided over arts, like sculpture, poetry, singing etc.
10 Years Ago
I see what you are saying and I really hope those daughters of zeus do not try to inspire my writing.. read moreI see what you are saying and I really hope those daughters of zeus do not try to inspire my writings because I am going to tell them for them to go back to Greece because the only spirits that are my parents are the Constitutional Founding Fathers and that is why I am getting ready to write poetry for the Fourth of July because I cherish and honor them because they guaranteed me the Freedom to say anything I want, and I am also going to say to the leprechauns that I do not like them either and that is why the evil gays cherish the leprechauns because they represent the gold rush and that is why california approved their same gender marriages and I wish the Constitutional Fathers would had put something in the Constitution to send all the gays to the bottom in australia and maybe they forgot to put it in the Constitution.
And the reason I do not like the gays is because they are evil snakes according to the true Adam and Eve literature, and when the Arch Angels try to inspire my poetry I am going to tell them to make a law for all gays to go to hell with their snake tails because I do not want to see them in Heaven
10 Years Ago
I live in australia, dear reader. And I absolutely support gay rights. Ialso love leprechauns, the f.. read moreI live in australia, dear reader. And I absolutely support gay rights. Ialso love leprechauns, the famous irish faeries, known for their frolicking nature. Also, I believe in muses and maybe that is why, fortunately my paragraphs are not jumbled sentences without adequate pauses.
10 Years Ago
In that case I do not feel the need to explain further to supporters of gay lefties that want for cu.. read moreIn that case I do not feel the need to explain further to supporters of gay lefties that want for cursed evil gay snakes to keep tempting Adam and Eve God Holy Creation.
10 Years Ago
Wow, I literally lost some braincells after reading that.
10 Years Ago
I know what you are saying you should had called the masquerated muses daughters of the fake zeus to.. read moreI know what you are saying you should had called the masquerated muses daughters of the fake zeus to the underworld australia.
10 Years Ago
Umm. Just so you know, the concept of jesus is derived from that "fake" zeus. And frankly speaking, .. read moreUmm. Just so you know, the concept of jesus is derived from that "fake" zeus. And frankly speaking, whatever you said is oretty offensive. You nearly killed all my brain cells today. Waht is 1+1 again...ooh, the horror!!!!
Read dan brown sometime. It would give you the required knowledge about the concept of jesus, and go.. read moreRead dan brown sometime. It would give you the required knowledge about the concept of jesus, and gods in general.
I agree, this is indeed extraordinary...reminds me of the
great poets of old, the form, meter...great use of
language. though the last two lines in the first stanza
threw me off a bit...still doesn't at all deter to the poetic beauty,
wistful...magical imagery in this write.
simply amazing poem, thanks for sharing! :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Why, thank you, dear barrie joy. I am overjoyed to hear that you like the poem.:))
You're very welcome, Moon's Fairest Daughter...
this was a delight to read :))
10 Years Ago
I think I wanted to construct a poem using modern words but having the flair of the victorian era. T.. read moreI think I wanted to construct a poem using modern words but having the flair of the victorian era. That is why, I used phrases like global warming. Though, even I feel that the last 2 sentences of the first stanza stand out. I would try to find substitutes for them. :))
10 Years Ago
it didn't take away from the beauty of this write...Just for me
"oh that's interesting" - you.. read moreit didn't take away from the beauty of this write...Just for me
"oh that's interesting" - you accomplished your goal, it's a great write :)
Interesting theme with astonishing style and well put rhymes in a wonderful piece of writing. Nasquam Esse gave you some good advises, but still I loved reading this. Great job!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you, dearest elvenom. :)) im glad you enjoyed it. Do you have any suggestions, though? Becaus.. read moreThank you, dearest elvenom. :)) im glad you enjoyed it. Do you have any suggestions, though? Because the poem is still under construction.
10 Years Ago
Well, I saw some rhymes more than once, like "words/swords", I thing it would be better to avoid hav.. read moreWell, I saw some rhymes more than once, like "words/swords", I thing it would be better to avoid having more than one and the same time per piece. Also, they don't fully rhyme to be exact, it's a semi-rhyme, but that's a very, very minor thing.
Oh, ye of literary beauty, come to me with words and phrases as magnificent as these above and twist my pen round my mind like a spin with great aplomb..... This was skillfully written and greatly enjoyed by both me and my muse. Thank you, talented fair daughter of our luminous moon. You write beautiful poetry!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
10 Years Ago
Wow, thanks a lawt!! I am very pleased to hear that you and your muse enjoyed this. Thank you for su.. read moreWow, thanks a lawt!! I am very pleased to hear that you and your muse enjoyed this. Thank you for such kind words. :))
this is extraordinary...this is epitome of poetry...a perfect poem...great composition...amazing words....beautiful ....jst beautiful ..
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Geez, thanks a lawt!!! I am very pleased that you liked it. Though, it is hardly half as good as you.. read moreGeez, thanks a lawt!!! I am very pleased that you liked it. Though, it is hardly half as good as you claim itto be.:))
i don't know what is meant by muse but as u say you are praying to it i will take it as ur god and so i think than to whomever you are praying should be with lots of purity in heart because it is said that the almighty fulfills every silent prayer of an sincere heart :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you very much. :))A muse is an imaginary spirit who is thought to aid a writer or a poet in hi.. read moreThank you very much. :))A muse is an imaginary spirit who is thought to aid a writer or a poet in his writing.
10 Years Ago
it is really like that then i will also pray to them for better writings
Okay. Honestly and I guess I should say "bravely" as well. If this is a religious piece, I don't have any comment regarding that as I am a Muslim and I wouldn't ever believe in a muse. So I ignored the fact that this was supposed to be a "prayer". It's a very good poem, and I love how there is rhyme as well as compatible meaning! Most poets who write with rhyme, don't produce connectively meaningful sentences!
Nope, its not a religious piece. Muse is the imaginary spirit every writer has, who aids the writer .. read moreNope, its not a religious piece. Muse is the imaginary spirit every writer has, who aids the writer in writing. You will have one too!and she sure would be sagacious. =P . And thanks a lot!!
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10 Years Ago
But muse actually means Goddess (one of its meanings)! And it's stated above 'god of words'...... So.. read moreBut muse actually means Goddess (one of its meanings)! And it's stated above 'god of words'...... So I have no response to all that😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇
Thank you Anoushka, but I am all good and sagacious on my own✌
If you're a dreamer, come in
If you're a dreamer, a wisher, a liar
A hope er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer,
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin
.. more..