well done! start to finish .. great title! love the pic .. puts me in this mystical dream mood of grey .. and a pinch of reality for seasoning .. love the images your poem conjures ..
"and the withered leaves would,
litter my porch;"
those lines especially .. nice job!
E.
Thank you very much. It means a lot to me that you like it. There are many memories in the central .. read moreThank you very much. It means a lot to me that you like it. There are many memories in the central character's past which he has buried in the dust of time. But whenever he is alone, they all seem to rise from their graves like ghosts and call him to walk alongside them. That is the meagre quarter in which he sees his real self. I believe that though we shouldn't concentrate on the past and lead our present and blah, blah -that everyone says, the past never leaves us.=)
10 Years Ago
oh my! you make me want to dive off the high board ... maybe try a flip or something .. :)
lov.. read moreoh my! you make me want to dive off the high board ... maybe try a flip or something .. :)
love love love
E.
10 Years Ago
That's just how I am. I make people want to dive off high boards.=)) thanks again for the love.:))
Ahh, it always feels so good to hear from you. Although, I do always wish you would start calling me.. read moreAhh, it always feels so good to hear from you. Although, I do always wish you would start calling me by my pen name now. =)
Oh I love this, you darkly colored out of the lines so brilliantly...I felt this one!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you very much, dear Frieda. The highest honour a poet can get is when someone says that they f.. read moreThank you very much, dear Frieda. The highest honour a poet can get is when someone says that they felt his or her poem. =) I am glad you liked it. :))
10 Years Ago
I concur, nothing better than when the poetry is 'felt'...my pleasure Moon :)
well done! start to finish .. great title! love the pic .. puts me in this mystical dream mood of grey .. and a pinch of reality for seasoning .. love the images your poem conjures ..
"and the withered leaves would,
litter my porch;"
those lines especially .. nice job!
E.
Thank you very much. It means a lot to me that you like it. There are many memories in the central .. read moreThank you very much. It means a lot to me that you like it. There are many memories in the central character's past which he has buried in the dust of time. But whenever he is alone, they all seem to rise from their graves like ghosts and call him to walk alongside them. That is the meagre quarter in which he sees his real self. I believe that though we shouldn't concentrate on the past and lead our present and blah, blah -that everyone says, the past never leaves us.=)
10 Years Ago
oh my! you make me want to dive off the high board ... maybe try a flip or something .. :)
lov.. read moreoh my! you make me want to dive off the high board ... maybe try a flip or something .. :)
love love love
E.
10 Years Ago
That's just how I am. I make people want to dive off high boards.=)) thanks again for the love.:))
I like your metaphors and economy of words to express thoughts almost abstract in nature but forming concepts that truly haunt each of us. A wonderful write. I applaud it.
I am a fan of surrealism, and this had its fair share of phantasmagorical traces dancing on the mind. Especially with that last line. My only real suggestion would be that I am uncertain if all the 'would's are necessary; try dropping them, and see how it sounds? I also avoid repetition of and in the same sentence "to linger and roam and hunt", so I would advice dropping out an and; go with punctuation, or reword perhaps?
What do you think of "to linger and roam and to haunt"
10 Years Ago
The to doesn't really fix it, and if anything it just drags. It is difficult to do without changing.. read moreThe to doesn't really fix it, and if anything it just drags. It is difficult to do without changing nuances. If you want to keep the meaning, but don't mind throwing the tempo to the wind, try "to linger and roam--haunting"
10 Years Ago
I dont like the sound of it. It sounds a bit out of place and gathers too much attention for my liki.. read moreI dont like the sound of it. It sounds a bit out of place and gathers too much attention for my liking. I can't cut the and and replace it with punctuation too, since that shortens the line considerably.:)
This was one of the best polished, most well-crafted poems I have read here in many months. it is quite beautiful in phraseology and it was delightful to read. You should enter this in one of Writer's Cafe's contests. I would certainly vote for it. Outstanding job.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
That is so sweet! Thanks for such kind words. You made me blush today. I think I have entered this o.. read moreThat is so sweet! Thanks for such kind words. You made me blush today. I think I have entered this one in one of the contests.
If you're a dreamer, come in
If you're a dreamer, a wisher, a liar
A hope er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer,
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin
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