Rain

I used to fear the rain

When the skies would open I would close my eyes

And think of sun

I used to think if I let myself feel

The water pouring forth

It might never stop

And I’d be lost, drowning

In a grey, wet world

Bitter irony

I dreamt of sun and when sun came

The rain remained, choking my chest

And while others smiled and sunbathed

I sat in the damp

In the cold

I shook myself off, like a wet dog

But even so, 

The rain remained

And summer came for all

But even so,

The rain remained

I found cheap plastic parasols

Of hobbies, holidays and yet

The rain remained

I’d shut my eyes and think of sun

And blame the rain

But even so,

The rain remained

And I hid beneath my duvet

Safe inside my room

The rain outside my window now

But even so

The rain came in.

And I at last, wet faced and shivering

Cried defeat, threw my head back and

Cried out loud

‘OK rain, you win! I fought and hid and ran and prayed

And yet you came, you remained. You win!’

And I stepped out underneath it

Spread my arms out wide

My face turned upward

And the rain came

It poured

Sliced my skin as I feared it would 

But even slicing softer than my dreams thought it should

And it came and it came and I felt it all

I gasped for air and more rain came and I felt it all

I felt the fear, I felt

Alive

More rain came

I stood my ground

And the rain poured on some more

Standing still in the eye of the storm

I knew I was done for

Knew I’d be washed clean away

Still, the rain came

And I had nothing to fear, anymore

The rain came, and I felt it all

And here I stood

And the rain fell

Soft and warm

Like the arms of a mother

Holding me close and washing me clean

Soft and warm

Bathing my skin

And I sighed

And smiled

For I could not fear the rain anymore.