Rehab- Chapter One

Rain fell slowly in a mist upon the tarred streets below. The sky was a mast of gray that showed no hopes of seeing a glimpse of the sun today. It was hopeless to hope. The streets were still busy despite the horrid weather that the local weather man failed to predict. As was expected. He hadn’t gotten it right for the pass eight years…no one was expecting a change anytime soon. They simply learned to cope with it and just assumed the opposite of his prediction would occur. That too hadn’t fail them in the pass eight year, so yeah, no changing there.

That’s what Solace thought as she sat and watched the rain. The office was quiet so it made it easier to listen to heavy drops of rain dancing on the sill of the window. There were little potted plants on the sill and in them were vibrant flowers that were seeing some pretty good days. Seems like the doctor had a green thumb as well. Talented little wench, she was.

As if on cue, the door to the office opened and revealed the heart-shaped face of Dr. Stratson. She always looked relaxed in her element and today was no different. Solace watched her face light up in a pleasant smile that she was beginning to believe that was her business smile to all her clients. It was fine with her, she wasn’t expecting any favoritism. She strode in on sensible, black pumps, a knee-high cotton A-line skirt that both accentuate her legs and her waist, topped with a silk royal blue blouse. The top brought out the blue in her eyes that on random days seem to be more green than blue and more blue than green. Dr. Stratson’s hair style said much about her. Cut short, cropped close to her jaw line and with hints of darker gold in her rich blond…time friendly and easy to maintain. With a bit of pale lipstick and a hint of blush, she was beautiful…something that Solace would never be. She was comfortable with that.

"Solace, I’m glad you could make it today. I was worried when I didn’t see you on Monday." She said as she walked behind her desk and placed the manila file on the mahogany desk. The desk was free of all clutter, with little filling bins on either side, a flat screen monitor and a few other trinkets and office supplies.

"Now why would you be worried?" Solace asked, her voice low and toneless. She gave the good doctor dead, gray eyes that seemed to look a lot like the cloudy sky out the window.

"I simply was Solace, no need to be-"

"You thought I did it again didn’t you?" There was a smirk on the other woman’s face that had nothing to do with humor. She saw the doctor shiver under her glare. She couldn’t help it if people hated her frosty disposition…correction, she didn’t care if they didn’t.

"No Solace. I simply thought that something happened to you…" Dr. Stratson explained, though her eyes looked strained around the edges. She was trying hard not to get caught in Solace’s words. The girl was a professional at it.

"So you thought I happened to me." She made it a statement as she looked out the window and surveyed the city from the three stories up. It wasn’t the best view but it was better than nothing. It seemed as if the city was being covered in a thick cotton ball. She smiled at that thought and at the sound of the doctor trying her hardest to regain her composure after only three minutes in the room with her. She chuckled softly at that thought.

"Solace-"

"Ease up doc, I was just yanking your leg again." She turned then, stood and walked to the couch that she spent three days out of the week on; Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. She always saw it as a waste of her time. What wasn’t cured in her now, would never be, and this bitterness that they had so much say on, what they had said was just unhealthy for a 22 year old woman, was who she was. Solace had no intentions on changing it for anyone.

Dr. Stratson cleared her throat and sat up straight in her chocolate brown leather seat, fidgeting with her pens, stapler and bits of papers that were never in the way to begin with. Solace smiled at the doctor’s discomfort. The way she made certain no sharp objects and any type of meds or drugs were in the room when she visited was also very amusing to her.

"Let’s get this over with doc. I have plans for today." She said, slouching further into the peach/coral sofa with her fingers laced together atop her stomach. Solace was definitely the complete opposite of Dr. Nadia Stratson. Her hair was a rich black texture that fell to her waist, with long bangs that nearly covered her eyes. The way she dressed was what really scared the ‘right’ people away and kept her from having a descent job. Goth was what they were calling it and immediately she was taken for some loser who enjoyed cutting herself, listening to heavy metal and speaking in a morbid Shakespearian manner. Not her at all. Well yeah rock was fine but she liked alternative, things that were softer to listen to. She never used words like ‘thy’ or ‘tis’ or whatever Shakespeare was scribbling in his times. As for the cutting? The only time Solace cut her self was when she wanted it to be the last. Hence the reason she was sitting in Dr. Stratson’s office three days of the week. Ah therapy…

"Plans? That’s good. Where are you off to today?" She asked, her enthusiasm rekindling.

"I was thinking about smoking some weed and stripping at the new night club in town. They need new-"

"That’s enough Solace." Dr. Stratson said softly. She was really tired of this little dance that Solace insist they shake to. The girl was really trying to drive her up the wall and that was the first in all her seventeen years as a psychiatrist that she could admit to a patient getting under her skin. She sighed, place a black thick framed glasses on her nose, and opened the folder that was placed before her. Solace’s information was scribbled in black ink on lines of papers; doctor records and other records that she needed. Nothing was really positive about the girl’s background except that she was still alive to tell the tale. Ironically, Solace hadn’t utter a word about her past to anyone, at least she hadn’t to the doctor or anyone who was offering her a helping hand in the right direction. She showed no interest and Stratson was beginning to believe that if she didn’t get her to break real soon, she would truly end her life the next time the opportunity arose. Funny thing about her, you never can judge what she was thinking or what she would do…she always seemed to be a blank page.

"Okay Solace, its been three years since we started these sessions, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not what you need right now."

"Took you three years huh?" She asked giving the same empty eyes with that unnerving smile. Dr. Stratson looked up at her, clasped her hands in front of her and sighed again. This wasn’t going to be fun at all. It was already bad that she couldn’t help her, but for Dr. Stratson to actually be able to let her go, well it was against all she was.

"Solace, this doesn’t mean that I’m leaving you stranded. I have made arrangements for you to go to a rehabilitation center in Dublin that has magnificent program that I think is just what you need. Now before you cut me off with an abrupt no, I want you to truly think about the possibilities that can arise for you there. Please, just think about it for a moment."

Solace did think about it. She knew that the doctor had grown tired of her, as they all do and would eventually pass her off to anyone who would take her. The only reason she was seeing a shrink was because it was either that or a psych ward. Not her bowl of soup, thank you. But now, that was where she was about to send her and so far from home. They were shipping her off to an iceberg in the middle of the ocean…how enticing. Yet, she really thought about it? What did she have to loose? There was absolutely nothing in Manhattan holding her back. No family, no friends, no lovers…not even a pet. Nothing made her want to stay or leave. Here was an opportunity for a new experience. What the hell…

"Sure." She said, and she was sure she saw the doctor jump at her answer, or at least flinched. That made her smile grow a notch.

"Y-you mean you’ll do it?" She asked obviously fighting not to sound excited and failing horribly.

"Gee doc, don’t sound so distraught. You’ll be alright without me." She said her voice thick with sarcasm. Stratson had the grace to blush and dip her head. It was a show indeed.

"Its not that I won’t miss you Solace, its just-"

"Liberating?" Solace asked, quirking a brow to show how sarcastic she was being and loving it.

"You know what Solace? Yes. Yes damn it; it’s going to be very liberating for me to finally have to never deal with your smart-a*s remarks. There, I said it."

The room grew quite except for the sound of the rain and the doctor’s hurried breaths. Solace hadn’t moved a lash, all she did was gave the doctor a blank expression. It seemed as if hours had passed since the outburst, but slowly life poured back into Solace’s body. She sat up slowly and rubbed her palms over the rough fabric of the sofa. It made her hands tingle and she felt the need to rub them together because of the affect. She looked down at her palms, small things they were, and sighed. She could feel the tension pulsing from the doctor, and that made her want to smile, but she didn’t. She didn’t because it was what the doctor was expecting. She was so sure that she knew everything she needed to know about the girl that when she did something out of the ‘norm’ she actually be taken aback. Interesting.

"Solace…I’m sorry." She said softly, the sound of defeat in each word. Solace did smile a humorless smile and kept her eyes on her hands. The sleeves of her black cotton sweater were so long that they hung over her thumbs. She knew if she was to draw them back that the scars would be revealed immediately. Dr. Stratson cringed visibly every time she saw them and pleaded with Solace to wear longer sleeves. She had today simply because she was cold.

"I really am Solace. I…I shouldn’t have said that to a patient…"

"Right…a patient." She said softly.

"Did I really hurt your feelings Solace?" She asked with genuine surprise.

 

Solace looked up slowly, the fake smile still on her lips, and her bangs falling into her eyes. The black shadow on her lids weren’t just from the misty gray eye shadow she had used, but from the lack of sleep. She was tired but she never let on to it. Three years with the doctor and she still had figured that much out yet.

"Feelings? Can’t say I own any to know when they hurt."

Dr. Stratson slouched her shoulders and shook her head slowly as she looked her over slowly. She saw nothing. Everything about Solace said that you would never figure her out unless she told you. An ever-going riddle. She looked away and adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose. This conversation had already taken a nosedive down hill, there was nothing to salvage.

"I only want the best for you Solace. That is why I am giving you this opportunity to get the best help I could offer. When you get to Dale West Rehabilitation Center you will meet a doctor called Mary Anne Hoffer. I spoke to her about your condition earlier this month and she has decided that she would see to your well being."

"How sweet of you doc. Glad to see you planned ahead for this…" She teased. Solace loved the way Dr. Stratson squirmed under her words. She felt no remorse for making her feel guilty…she should too. Plotting on her and shipping her off to the other side of the earth and out of hair; she should feel lucky that Solace didn’t expect anything less from her. She knew eventually the good ole’ doc would come to the end of her rope.

"When do I leave?" She asked, folding her arms under her breast and giving the doctor another blank stare. The smile was gone; she just didn’t have the energy to keep it up.

"As soon as possible. The program has already started, but they agreed to take you in and, well, help as much as they could."

"Oh goodie." Solace stood and grabbed her coat off the back of the sofa. "I’d say we’re quite done here Dr. Stratson. If you’d excuse me, I have to go home and pack. So much to do before I leave." Dr. Stratson stood then and came around her desk, sliding her glasses off the bridge of her nose.

"Solace wait, we still have a session today."

"I’m not interested." She said, slipping her coat on, and lifting her hair up and over the collar. The scent of coco butter wafted through the room from her hair and filled the doctor’s nostrils. She’d always smelled the aroma exuding from the other woman and it was one sure thing that she liked about Solace.

"Solace, please just have a seat-"

"You know what doc, seeing as though this would be our last session together, let me say something to you." Solace interrupted, whirling on the doctor and stopping her in her tracks.

"Go ahead Solace…I’m listening."

She watched as the dark strands of Solace’s hair settled on the black coat, making it hard to tell where her hair stopped and the coat began. The girl could be so beautiful if she would only stop hiding under all that tough bravado and dark eye shadow. She was already strangely attractive with it, so that just went to show the potential she had.

"Since I’ve gotten here, not just today but every f*****g day, you try to analyze me and pick me apart, but you don’t even know who I truly am. You’re a twisted person because you try your hardest to make me have a problem so that I could admit to it and you in turn could get the glory out of me saying that you were right, something was wrong. Well you know what Dr. Stratson? There is a lot wrong here, but not with me…"

"Now Solace-"

"No. No don’t interrupt me now; I’m finally opening up doc. I haven’t cut myself or tried to kill myself lately, not because I didn’t have the time, but because I just didn’t want to. If people would just stop expecting to find me hanging from my shower rod someday, maybe, just f*****g maybe they would see that there is nothing wrong with me. I am content with who I am and what I’ve become…its not my fault if you don’t feel the same about yourself and live out each day walking in some delusion that you are happy when its blatantly obvious you are not. Fix yourself doc, before you try to fix others…"

The room silent again. The only sound was the rain and the tic of the clock over the door where Solace stood. The expression on the girl’s face as she had spoken was blank as usual…it was like what she had said didn’t affect her in the slightest way. But the doctor, well she had drained pale and her face was tight with anger and something else. The rims of her eyes behind her glasses glistened and it was then that Solace knew she was going to cry. She should’ve felt some remorse…but there was nothing. Tears had no affect on her anymore. Tears had cause her too much in her 22 years, and she’d never gained a thing from the.

"Get out…" The doctor strained through the thickness in her throat. She felt the tears stream down her cheek and onto her silk blouse. Solace just stood there without any sign to leave and watched her cry. This had gotten too far. She wasn’t suppose to let the patient see her breakdown. What kind of example was she if she did?

"I finally open up and you don’t want a thing to do with me." Solace chuckled and buttoned her jacket, pulling the hood over her hair and picking up her umbrella. She turned for the door and chuckled a humorlessly.

"Typical…" That was her last word to the doctor before she shut the door. Dr. Stratson flinched at the word and sagged slowly when the door was shut. She got to her chair and sat unceremoniously, rattling her teeth in her jaw at the same time. She took of her glasses, now foggy from her tears, and sat there staring at absolutely nothing. Yes it was a shock that Solace had opened up to her, but the biggest shock was that she opened up to Stratson what she had observed about her. That was not what she wanted. She felt the sob clawing out her throat like something trapped and trying hard to escape it prison. Choking on the sob, she spread her hands out on the blotter and placed her cheek against the lukewarm leather. It had been so long since she had cried. It felt like bricks were being removed off her shoulders for the first time in a long time. How could she have been so translucent? Her patient…saw everything. Well no one else knew, but Solace had sat in the same seat for the past three years and saw it all. Her own mother didn’t know how unhappy she’d been.

Her marriage was tittering on the rocks, ready to plunge head first of the cliff and into the hungry waves that would wash it away; never to be found again. Nathan had had enough of her and was having and affair. He really didn’t hide this from her, but perhaps that’s what made it worst. Things had gotten so bad that he didn’t really care to pretend anymore. Nadia would come home sometimes to an empty house; no kids to cook dinner for or no Nathan to hold after she’d been laden down with the worries of all her patients. Perhaps it was time to let go of this dream, or what Solace called a delusion.

Nadia sat up slowly and opened the side draw of her desk. She pulled out a small compact mirror and opened with shaky hands. In the case was a little round mirror that showed her streaked face. Her eyeliner had run black roads down hr cheeks and made her look even paler that she had without them. She looked from the mirror to the little whit pills in the compact. These were her comfort. The only thing that made her think straight when everything was twisted around her. She placed one on the tip of her tongue and swallowed it without choking on the dry little pill. Soon it would make it al better. She got out another compact and refreshed her makeup. She had time before her next patient so she will be ready when they come in…soon…

Reviews

[Tim]

This is a great chapter. The story flowed well. It captured the emotions and feelings of the characters. The attention to detail was wonderful. The little twist at the end of the chapter was excellent The way the patient was able to open the eyes of the doctor.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
one little typo in the last paragraph.

[Calypso]

I loved this. If my therapist would have said what that doc has said I would have cried. Well mainly because I'm close to my therapist and I know she would never do that.