My Jeremy

Just a short story for a contest I'd enter.

 

          Fallen leaves from the canopy floated upon the balmy summer air and danced randomly about us. The sky and the sun peaked through the tree tops and blinked across his pale skin. I loved the way the wind played with the deep copper strands that tickled his cheeks. I think I melted right there on the forest floors, when he turned that mischievous grin in my direction and unleashed the wrath of his fingers in my ribs.

 

“Stop! Jeremy…stop! Oh God I’m gonna burst!” I squealed as he tickled me pink with laughter. He knew I was afraid of tickles and that they set me crazy with just the slightest poke, but it thrilled him to see me react that way.

 

“Please!” I cried, throwing my golden tresses about in the fallen leaves. The light caught my skin in uneven patterns as it did his.

“Alright…I’ll stop, but keep teasing like that and I’ll be forced to do it again.”

“I’ll be good this time…I promise.” And good I would be. I really couldn’t bear to be tickled, but if that was the only way to have my Jeremy, then I would die with a fixed grin ebbed on my face.

 

         He sat up against the rough bark of the big oak and allowed me to rest my head in his lap. We had spent many afternoons just like this; as if there was no one else in the world but just the two of us. Looking up into his pale green eyes, I released there really was no one else. There was only Jeremy for me. I pulled our entwined hands to my lips and kissed the back of his hand. The gesture left such an alluring smile on his lips that I wished to taste them next, but something had shattered the moment for me. I looked at the exposed for arm of my love and forgot how to breathe. We had discussed the problem a month ago and I thought-no-I was sure it was long gone. He followed my trail of gaze and saw what I had discovered. Interesting how we both looked at each other the same time, with the same shocked expression.

 

“Jeremy-”

“Don’t start Laura. You don’t know what kind of crap I’ve been through with my dad for the past few weeks. I needed it” He said as he pulled his arm away, and worst, pushed me away. Another temper trip. Sometimes I wondered how many sides there was to him, but right then, all I could see were needle marks bruised and purple all over his arm. I hadn’t questioned the long sleeved shirt, simply because it didn’t seem to matter, but it was proof that he was hiding this from me.

 

I sat up and turned to face him with my throat already tight.

“I thought we agreed to discuss this whenever the urge arose.” I said my voice already hoarse. He gave me baffled eyes and scoffed at my words. The mean side again.

“You really think you’re going to be on my mind when I want Meth? You’re not all I think about Laura…get it straight.” His words had left their marks all over my heart, far worst than those on his arm.

“Why do you have to be so cruel to me when I’m trying h-”

“Because I don’t want your help damn it! F**k! I can f*****g take care of myself! I don’t need you or my dad toying with my head and thinking that you can control me! Leave me alone!” He exclaimed and punctuated each word by flailing his arms. He stood so fast I nearly fell backwards. My Jeremy, sometimes I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. There were days when he was the most romantic man that ever breathed. Then there were times like these, when he was harsh and not so easy on his choice of words. When someone would have pissed him off and I was the only one there to listen to his venting. Today it hurt more than I thought it would. Somehow, his stinger had gotten deeper into my flesh and the venom was destroying me from within.

     I stood on shaky legs with nothing but my tears falling down my face as defense.

“You always do this! You always make me feel like I’m the monster in all of this!”

“Does it f*****g matter? You’re no better than the rest! You judge me and pretend as if I don’t know better when it comes to everything!” He yelled and with that he’d stepped closer to me. I was facing his anger head on. Normally I’d try to dodge it, but the day had finally come, when defense had to be played.

 

“F**k you Jeremy! I’ve done all I could for you and it’s never enough! Never! I’m not going to be some stupid girl who can’t tell when I guy doesn’t really love her and is only using her!”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?! I never used you!” He yelled as he took another step closer.

 

“Like you said, it doesn’t matter…so forget it. You win ok? You wanna die like your moth-” That was as far as I had gotten in that sentence when I felt the force of his hand across my cheek. The same hand that had helped to torture me with tickles; that had been a tender touch in the dark…the hand I’d only just kiss in a longing way. And as I stood again, I realized it was time to let go of that hand and let him be. His expression was stark, utterly shocked and somewhat frightened. Had he not expect it to happen as well? Whatever the case…it had happened…and it had hit me deeper than he’d ever know.

 

“Laura…I’m so sorry…I’m-”

“Please don’t touch me…” I whispered as he held me by the elbows. Trying to pull me in an embrace wasn’t working for him either. My mind had been made up. Jeremy was my Meth…my addiction…my love…but it had to be severed before it was the death of me.

 

“Please Laura I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say those bad things about you…” He cried, and his tears seemed genuine, but even those couldn’t hold me back anymore.

I pulled away and looked him over as he pleaded with his eyes.

The wind was still so soft and it was still playing in his hair…a memory I’d never forget.

“Goodbye Jeremy…I love you but…goodbye” Before he could reach for me again, I turned and sprinted away from those arms. I couldn’t look back, even as he called out for me and even attempted to run to me. I couldn’t ‘cause if I saw that face again…I would’ve stayed in those arms.

 

        Jeremy hadn’t come home that night…nor the night before that. He never returned home the whole week. I couldn’t stomach eating if I wasn’t sure he was. I couldn’t close my eyes too much longer than a blink if he didn’t have someplace warm to lay his head. I just couldn’t. I needed to know he was safe. I cried and prayed and still no signs of him. Finally they decide to search for him. He had runaway a few times in the past and they thought that was all to it with him. I knew better. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and it wasn’t about to leave anytime soon.

 

         The next day, a week and four days sense the last I saw Jeremy, my door bell rung. My mom was in the living room reading while dad clacked away on the computer, so I went to answer it myself. My hopes were to let it be Jeremy, but I knew better. When I opened the door…it was his father.

“Mr. Roberts?” He looked up at me and I guess I can say now that I knew from the look in his eyes…but I still dared to hope.

“Laura…we found Jeremy-”

“Oh thank goodness is he-”

“No Laura. He isn’t…” His words destroyed the light of hope in my eyes. I hadn’t realized that I had been holding my breath.

“I-I don’t understand…” Tears flooded his eyes and my legs became shaky but I demanded them to stand as I held onto the door knob.

“They found him behind the dumpster of the grocery store…he ODed.”

 

       What an odd feeling that came over me. My body was suddenly just buzzing until it became a sound in my ear and all I could hear is that and a distinctive muffled voice. Crystal Meth…that’s what I saw…and that’s what brought the tears. Mr. Roberts seemed to feel awkward in that moment, yet he fished something out of pocket and handed it to me.

 

“He left this for you. The police found it ri-…well they found it…and I thought you should have it. I have to go Laura…I’m sorry.”

 

          My mom was holding me from behind as I sat on my bed and my father wiped away my tears the minute they fell. My world felt as if it was missing something so significant, and I knew what it was. Jeremy. The letter was still clutched tight in my hand and when I thought I had the strength to read it…I asked my parents to leave me a bit.

The letter wasn’t too long but it was enough words to make me ball all over again.

 

“Laura. My sweet, beautiful Laura. What have I done to you? All the wrong things. And have you done in return…all of the right things…everything I needed, and I have taken it for granted. I will forever be lost without you. Please forgive me and know that…it was always you I thought about baby…always you. I’m so sorry…and God I love you Laura. I love you…I love you…”

 

“Jeremy…I love you too…” It was the first he’d ever said it. Yes it was in words…but that meant I could always look back and remind myself that he really did love me. Till then, I’ll always remember the sun playing on his skin and the wind dancing in his hair. The way his piercing green eyes found my heart…and demanded it pulse so hard with just one glance… I’ll always remember…My Jeremy.

Reviews

[Tim]

A story that happens way too much. The destruction of people and relationships because of drugs, alcohol or other destructive means. You did an excellent job capturing the emotions and the heartache of the characters. I liked the part where she realizes the he is her destructive addiction. Sometimes more women should realize this before they to become destroyed in a relationship that is no good.