Thursday

Well i havnt left anything out, this is exactley whats happening to me right now, and i needed to get it out.

Its Thursday.

We have known each other for all of 4 weeks.
We started out talking, staying up all night just tallking about nothing.
The first conversation I had with you, i joked about asking you out, and shockingly you said you would.
Little did i know it was a taste of things to come.

I went away one week, and you asked everyday if i was back yet.
You said you strangely felt comfortable around me,
and that has never happened to you before.
We make plans for the future, a good sign of what you wanted.

Our talking builds, our chemistry along with it.
I ask you out, you agree we should be more than friends.
The first date goes well, the first bases get touched.
Now i am invested in this, i know what i am doing.

The second date goes better than expected.
I'v never felt more attracted to anyone than in those moments with you.
You ask me to stay the night, without hesitation i answer "okay."
"This is the first time iv let a guy stay over" you say.
"Yeah" i agree, "its my first time sleeping in the same bed as someone i am interested in too."

I cant sleep well next to you, so i watch you as you slumber.
"You are so cute" i think to myself, "How could i have ever scored a girl like you?"
In the morning, as we wake, we both have big smiles on our faces.
Its not awkward, its strangely comfortable.
Im feeling the happiest i have ever felt in a long time.
As i leave, we make plans to meet on sunday.

When i get home, i think of the future, with you in it.
"I should have learnt from last time not to fall this fast," i think
"but damnit i cant help myself, she is so great, and we connect on a level i have never felt before."
I talk to you on friday, you seem to feel the same.

Its now Saturday night.
I havnt heard from you, so im a little worried, but i brush it off, you could be busy.
Im still high on the euphoria of the night i spent with you.
Im feeling indestructable.

Its Sunday.
There is a message waiting for me as i do my daily checks.
"Im not feeling too well, but im ok, im thinking, ill let you know when i sort it out" you say.
My brain starts to melt.
"Have we moved too fast?" i think to myself.
"Do you not trust me enough to tell me what you are thinking?" are my thoughts.
I reply "Ok, im a worried though, are you reconsidering our relationship?"
No response.
Great, it just confirms what i dread.

Later that night, i chat to you on an Instant Messenger.
I tell you i am afraid of whats happening, and that i am worried about you.
You tell me "im taking off for a few days to sort myself out, you are an awsome guy, im doing this so no one gets hurt."
Great, I feel so comforted now.
Could you have said anything worse?

My mind races.
What have i dont wrong?
Everything was going so well, this has just come out of nowhere.
My indestructable euphoria is replaced with doubt and insecurity.
I pace backwards and forwards furiosly.
"I shouldnt have fallen too fast, i knew this would happen" i think to myself.
Whenever i do fall too fast, i get hurt.

So now i wait, and see what you decide.
I am prepared for any possibility.
If the worst happens, and you say "lets just be friends" im going to have to be a jerk.
I cant think of you like that, as just a "friend"
I am going to have to put down an ulitmatum if thats the case, all or nothing.

Can i not trust anyone with my heart?
Depending on what you decide, i dont think i could ever again.
Too many times have i felt like this
Too many times have i died inside when i hear the dreaded "friends" word.

Never again am i going to let this happen.
Never again will i let myself get hurt like this.
I will hide, away from society.
Surely love cannot be found in solitude.
Or heartbreak felt as a result.

Author's Note

Im not sure exactley what to call this one, its more a story with a poetic feeling to it. Its very much real, and comes directly from the heart.