Echos

What a vent song. It felt so good to get this down on paper. The chorus of it I came up with in the shower, haha.

I remember when we first met

You looked like the embodiment of perfect

In every which way

What happened to you

Because I just don't see it anymore

 

You left me with scars deep inside

Where the truth cannot hide

I fell through your shadow

Down

Down

Down to the ground

Look at the blank page before me

Filled in with lies

Lies for the future

And lies from the past

 

Now you've turned into something grotesque

Something like a monster

I can't believe what you've done

It's like an arrow through my heart

A jagged knife stuck on the bone

 

You left me with scars deep inside

Where the truth cannot hide

I fell through your shadow

Down

Down

Down to the ground

Look at the blank page before me

Filled in with lies

Lies for the future

And lies from the past

 

You put your life in my hands

When you told me this secret

What do I do?

What choices do I have?

Should I end it tonight?

One shot could do it

Into your heart

All that is left Is the echo of your words!!!!!!!

 

You left me with scars Scars deep inside

Reviews

[Deranged Kiwi]

Interesting piece. [So many distractions before so I couldn't get it back that second]. I think what you meant to say in line 2 was "embodiment of perfection". The chorus seems very well-developed, brushing on a few concrete images. The other stanzas could be elaborated on, like in the 3rd, you can play with the description of the monster and even in the 1st to explain the "embodiment of perfection". This is pretty good as it stands now but it has a lot of unseen potential. Keep it up, miss reading your stuff btw. ^_^

Silent Always

[These Haunted Hallways]

WoW! Now this was an excellent song. I really liked it a lot. The lies that people create are so evil, and they make u wanna die. Excellent job with this!

B.A.

[Roxie*bucket of love*]

wow....i LOVE this!!!!!!!!! =]]]]]]]]]]

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

the person this has been written about has been hurt deeply by someone....filling there lives with lies and deciet. A great poem!

[Zane Mathias]

Great job dude. like the flow and word usage but i feel that you held back some. keep up the good work