The Phone Call

Just when you're ready to leave the house...., the phone rings!

The Phone Call 🌞

You step across the threshold of your door on way to work,
comes the ringing of the phone to make you late.
Down the hall, its ring persists ‘gainst your Will braced to resist
and you’re unaware it’s come to change your Fate.

It’s an old and trusted buddy known to speak both mind and truth
who you hadn’t spoke or seen for quite some time
who says “I do not want to borrow and there’s nothing that I need
but not to call you all this while is just a crime.

You’re the nicest being to draw a breath.
‘Round you, I’m most inspired.
You’re an asset to the community.
In your profession, a voice desired.

I’m motivated, revved up, turned on
in your presence, and I must say
I could change the World and save Mankind
being with you 10 minutes a day.”

He says goodbye and hangs up. You stand there serious stunned.
Your grip of phone now frozen in the warmth of morning sun.
And you feel your image of self explode with chaotic change
and emit a Light that makes you understand its potent range.

That if you were a baker making jellies and rolls,
you’d be a better baker this day.
And if you were a teacher making minds unfold,
the Universe you’d put on display.
And if you were a laborer with sweat on your brow,
you’d work with pride as you should.
And if you were a student embracing tomorrow,
you’d reach for it feeling you could.

But you learned nothing more of baking or teaching, laboring or books on a shelf
only that each man’s best performance is reflected by how he sees Self
and if you can change from a call without that makes you feel you can win,
what power must lie in your own human heart to change your image within.

Namyh

Reviews

[Aslan Gerards]

I really can't give a full review, as I'm not great with poems, but this is fantastic and upbeat.

Firstly- It has a beat and keeps a steady, happy pace throughout the whole piece. That is fantastic, especially with lines as long as you write them. The metaphors are very nice, and your is classical but solid.

Secondly (Some general things)- Maybe play around with indentation a bit? The capitalization and lowercase alternation in the first words of the lines in the first and sixth stanzas can be confusing. Maybe indent in to show you are still on that idea?

Thirdly (Some nit-picky things)- On the last stanza, I read it aloud, and I think that the second line, replacing Self with Himself or Herself makes more sense in terms of beat.

Final Review- Fantastic, lighthearted and very complete poem. Thank you for sharing it!

Feel free to message me if you have any more questions.

[Namyh]

Aslan - I wanted to try this piece in a different block presentation form. So glad it was lighthearated for you. Thanks for stopping in. Namyh

[Matilda 3000]

Fantastic! Simply and beautifully written. I actually got goosebumps reading this. The magical and profound effect humans have on one another.

[Namyh]

Matilda - No poetic work is more elevated than when it magically and profoundly imparts "goosebumps" to its reader. Thanks loads for yours Matilda. Namyh

[Alexis Roberts]

wow, i really love the ending of this, "But you learned nothing more of baking or teaching, laboring or books on a shelf. only that each man's best performance is reflected by how he sees Self. and if you can change from a call without that makes you feel you can win, what power must lie in your own human heart to change your image within."
really great poem!

[Namyh]

Alexis - That ending puts every thing in perspective. So very glad you loved it. Puts a smile on this old poet. Thanks AR. Namyh