Before I Can Remember.

Almost everything I was ever told was a lie,

All those words that made me want to die, 

They were the only truth I've been told, 

The very words that made my soul ice cold, 

Said in a whisper; not shouted out loud, 

The speaker was ashamed of me, not proud.

I can't even understand this mindset of mine,

Feeling so trapped, still I say I'm feeling fine, 

I'm burning up inside, I'm cold inside too. 

I can't understand anything, what should I do?

Unable to describe these feelings when I talk,

I get so frustrated, I have to get up and walk,

I walk away from everything that hurts me,

When walking doesn't work, I run to be free,  

But the thing that hurts most is in my head, 

And I won't be rid of it at all, until I'm dead, 

So I ask a god I don't believe in for death, 

And I beg for this one to be my last breath, 

Tormented existence dulled by only a few, 

And I honestly would give my life for two, 

I would kill for them and they know that, 

I feel so blind, almost as blind as a bat. 

Everyone else better be ready for my attack,

And even if I can't see s**t, I'll hit back. 

I'll rip them to shreds if they hurt me again, 

I can't deal with this much internal pain. 

I'm dying, I feel dead. I am dead inside, 

And this is the only thing I cannot hide, 

I am going crazy, I'm trapped in my mind, 

I'm left here in this darkness I'm going blind. 

Someone could try to help me, if they chose, 

But after a while they'll realize my heart froze, 

A long, long time ago, before I can remember.